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First of all a women, dont let my nickname mislead ya.
I want a women of honor and loyalty, smarts (smart does not equal well read, or a formal degree) and cynicism. I want to come home from the worst fucking day in my life and have my honey sing a song in my ear, one she knew I loved. I want someone who loves being showered in flowers, not cause im trying to buy your love, but because you know that there is nothing on this world that I love more than your smile.
Smiles/Lauging. I want an honest smile, thats mixed with a promise and an honest laugh that is mixed with a childs hope.
Kissing, I want someone who kisses slow, who leans in with their whole body, and after 3 hours of kissing, it still almost felt urgent.
Dancing, oh god dance like no one is watching and have enough confident to tell them to go fuck themselves, if they watch too closly. Dancing is church, and god is in the rythm.
Sing, sing high, loud, no matter what you sound like, since because sometimes, if you dont you think you might drown.
Love the being in the warm ocean, like you love breathing too fast after sex.
Someone that can put up with occasionally a lame work lifestyle, and really knows would rather sleep 1 hour in your arms, than 8 in my own bed. A person that says sure, when I say things like. Hay, lets move to Italy and go to school for a year to paint.
I cant give you a stable white picket fence in the burbs, but I cant give you a mid town lifestyle, but what I can give you is something beautiful and new and risky. Sometimes thats sitting with me posting bail for a friend that may not end up being a friend back, sometimes thats flying to some place we have never been but heard of on a whim.
Know that I will always try to make a home for us, a port in the storm for us to return to, when the storm seems as big as creation. Know that i try to do this, because my port from the worst storms is the subtle way you squeeze my hand. Know that I may not squeeze it back every time, and sometimes it may be at the worst time, but my love for you is hidden in a million little things I do every day, notice them, or notice how I look at you and smile, without even thinking about it.
Teach me something new, that I would never have thought of doing, thinking or saying.
I want an artist and a mystery, a bit of jaded but only to protect the trust. i would rather have someone who trusts too much and cries occasionally, than someone who trust too little, and lives in that world.
Trust me over time, and trust me in a minute, and know that sometimes I dont trust myself.
I want someone who thinks its fun to just sit and do nothing, then drive to LA cause you heard there was the perfect carnitas taco.
I want someone who forms to my body, yet always feels like a mystery.
I want forever, cause one day your dead
and everything behind you, that was forever.
I wanna do everything that you haven't and have you want to do everything I havn't done, together sometimes, along when it has to be, but always bringing the story back to us.
I want you to guard who we are, and knock out some women or guy who tries to come, like a leach, and live off what we worked so hard to make. I want a companion I honer, a friend I would choose again every day, and a lover that makes me, well love.
I want someone who is a fighter, not cause you think you can win, because its who you are, and you would rather have a world full of dead hero's than one full of coffee house cowards. If you fight because your passionate, I will wether the blows if they are aimed at me.
know that sometimes I can say something in a minute that can make everything seem not worth it, its because I have a great hurt inside, at those moments be able to breath and think of the good times, or come back the next day to talk. know that having good friends and you makes me heal, but its not going to always be roses and chocolates
I want that -not every day kinda love- but the love that makes bards cry, dj's spin, and a man burn, marriage with all our family together, getting drunk with my mom cooking Italian food and watching the sun go down, waking up on a beech, learning together, crying together and laughing together. I want you to think I am one of the funniest people you know, or at least reserve judgment till I can find what really makes you laugh so hard you muscles hurt. I want you to know the actor I can be, and still stay after the show. Know that a cynic is what a romantic has to be, to stay alive in this world, and to remind me who I am under the mask, if sometimes I leave it on so long I forget. I want to be able to cry with you, not because of you, and if I cry because of you I want to be able to come back to you, it cant rain all the time.
i want you to know why I have one tattoo and why sometimes I hate it, but I did it because I promise a friend I would, and that promise is more important than the pain it sometimes causes my heart, and why and wish you knew that person if you didn't.
I want someone that doesn't just walk back into the world of casual life, of a mundane existence. I want someone who is willing to fight for what they believe in, even if thats against me sometimes, but knows that in the end the details wont matter as much in our life, as the passion did.
Know that I am dangerously quick to judge and think its a good trait, even though I sometimes wont judge till its too late. Know that i will die for my friends and my family, help them hide the body, and let them sleep on my couch, please counsel me softly if you think a friends is bad for me, I do love them and they were at one time sacred to me, and its hard to except that a person I would take a bullet for, isn't that same person standing in front of me. Understand why sometimes I can see what a person will become or what they were, but not what they are very well
Error on the side of too much with a person you love, not just some ordinary person sitting at a bar. Talk to me, tell me why your so mad you couldn't talk the night before, and use simple words, sometimes I can be really stupid.
Forgive me, when you know I really mean I was sorry, not before and not years too late. Know that its my friendship with you that brought me to your heart, and you to mine, if you leave be patient with me as I stumble around not knowing what to do. If I say I love you, i cant imagine you not being a part of my life, and I will be woefully unprepared if that day comes, even if everyone else thought it was obvious, I will never think that love not winning is a possibility, even if thats not my experience. This is not going to be easy, but it will be worth it.
Love is enough, if its strong enough on both sides because it brings clarity to the details, and the devil is waiting there for us both.
In the end, I want to look back and say I deserved you, and you deserved me and maybe, just maybe there is some sense to this world because of that.
-ian
Know that this is the small list, but none of it is an expectation you have to work on, its something you already are and where before I said I love you, i realized it the moment before I said I love you, and your going to be this person long after you asked me to stop saying I love you.
“Remember, remember the fifth of November, The gunpowder, treason and plot, I know of no reason Why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot.â€
My heros are the people who I think should have this inscribed on their tombstone, or etched into the cliff where they last stood.Only the dead are heros'
the living are all cowards to a degree
**********
Poorly Translated from the Roman lyric poet katalis
by strangers coast and waters
many days at sea
i come here for the rights of your unworlding
bringing for you, the dead
the last gifts for the living
and my words
vain sounds,
for the man of dust
alas my brother, you have been taken from me
you have been taken from me and by cold chance, turn to shadow in my pain
here are the foods of the old ceremony
appointed long ago for the starvlings under the earth
your brothers tears have made them wett
and take into eternity my hail
and my fairwell
ec pyrosis - to be consumed by a ball of fire used to describe hero's death