158429004

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HI EVERYONE. I WAS BORN & RAISED IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA & I MOVED TO SOUTHERN OHIO IN SEPT OF 2000. I MISS THE BEACH. I HAVE AN OLDER SISTER WITH 2 NEPHEWS & A NIECE. I'M CURRENTLY GOING TO COLORADO TECHNICAL UNIVERSITY ONLINE TO GET AN ASSOCIATES DEGREE IN MEDICAL BILLING & CODING. I RECENTLY GOT HIRED AT KROGER GROCERY CO. & I'LL BE STOCKING WATER & SODA POP ON 3RD SHIFT...ROCK ON!! AS OF AUGUST 30, I QUIT MY JOB AT WAL-MART. I WAS GOING TO BE MOVED TO DAYS...LESS MONEY & LESS HOURS. I FEEL I WAS DONE WRONG BECAUSE THEY MOVED ME & ANOTHER CO-WORKER IN PRODUCE, BOTH OF US ON GRAVES, & REPLACED US WITH A GUY THAT JUST TRANSFERRED HERE FROM TEXAS. OH WELL. I WAS GIVEN A POSITIVE REHIRE RECOMMENDATION. I'M LOOKING FOR ANOTHER JOB. I HAVE 18 YRS CLEAN & SOBER. RECOVERY IS A MAJOR PART OF MY LIFE & SO IS MY MENTAL HEALTH BECAUSE I'M BIPOLAR. I'VE BEEN MARRIED ONCE FOR 6 YRS & HAVE BEEN DIVORCED 7 YRS WITH NO KIDS. THAT'S NOT FROM A LACK OF TRYING...LOL. I HAVE A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR & I'M A VERY GOOD LISTENER TOO. I TRY TO HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE TOWARDS LIFE. I'M CONSTANTLY EXPERIENCING SOMETHING NEW. I WORK OUT & I'M ON THE COMPUTER QUITE OFTEN. I GAVE UP PORN IN NOV OF "06 BECAUSE I LOST INTEREST. I PREFER TO SEE THE REAL THING. I LOVE KISSING, HUGGING, & CUDDLING. I ALSO HAVE QUITE A BIT OF BODY ART. MY TATTOOS ARE OF ELVIS PRESLEY & NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS. I WENT TO GRACELAND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THE SUMMER OF 2005. I LOVED IT! I'M A VERY ROMANTIC PERSON & LOVE TREATING A WOMAN WITH RESPECT & HONESTY. THE FOLLOWING IS PART 1 OF MY STORY:MY EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH & HOPEMY NAME’S MATT H. & I’M AN ADDICT. I WAS BORN MARCH 7TH, 1964. MY CLEAN DATE IS 2/26/89. I WAS 24 YEARS OLD WHEN I GOT CLEAN. I’M 39 YEARS OLD. I’LL HAVE 15 YEARS CLEAN IN FEBRUARY 2004 & WILL TURN 40 IN MARCH. I’VE WORKED ALL 12 STEPS ONCE IN MY RECOVERY. IT TOOK ME 7 YEARS & 3 MONTHS. I’VE GONE THROUGH THE STEPS MORE THAN ONCE, BUT HAVEN’T GOT PAST STEP 8 SINCE THE FIRST TIME. MY SPONSOR HAS MOVED AWAY OR I’VE MOVED. I PLAN ON WORKING ALL 12 STEPS WITH ONE SPONSOR IF IT’S POSSIBLE. I CAME INTO THE ROOMS OF NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS ON 10/26/86. MY FIRST TIME AROUND I WENT TO MEETINGS FOR 6 MONTHS. I HAD RESERVATIONS & DIDN’T LET ANYONE GET TO KNOW ME. UNTIL RECENTLY I THOUGHT I HAD 10½ MONTHS CLEAN BEFORE I RELAPSED THE FIRST TIME. I STOPPED ATTENDING MEETINGS AFTER 6 MONTHS & RELAPSED SOMETIME BETWEEN 6 & 10½ MONTHS ABSTINENT. I USED FOR ANOTHER YEAR & A HALF. I WAS FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO MAKE IT BACK INTO THE ROOMS OF NA ON FEBRUARY 26TH, 1989. THIS TIME AROUND I KNEW I HAD TO CHANGE EVERY-THING I DID THE LAST TIME. I STARTED BEING OF SERVICE ALMOST FROM THE START, GOT A SPONSOR & STARTED WORKING THE STEPS, GOT PHONE NUMBERS & ACTUALLY USED THE PHONE TO CALL PEOPLE IN RECOVERY & STARTED REACHING OUT. I FELT A PART OF THIS TIME. I WASN’T ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN TRYING TO GET THIS PROGRAM BY OSMOSIS. I GOT CLEAN IN SAN CLEMENTE, CALIFORNIA. IT’S KNOWN AS THE SOUTH COAST AREA. JUST PRIOR TO MY 4TH YEAR CLEAN, I MOVED SOUTH TO OCEANSIDE, CALIFORNIA, THE NORTH COASTAL AREA. I MOVED TO OCEANSIDE BE-CAUSE I WAS ABLE TO BUY MY FIRST & ONLY HOUSE SO FAR IN RECOVERY. I WAS 29 YEARS OLD. THIS WAS A REAL BIG RESPONSIBILITY FOR ME. I HAD LIVED ON MY OWN BEFORE BUT NEVER IN A HOUSE THAT I HAD TO MAKE PAYMENTS ON. MY FATHER TOLD ME WHEN I MOVED OUT OF THEIR HOUSE THAT IF I SCREWED THIS UP IN ANY WAY, I WASN’T WELCOME BACK IN THEIR HOME. WE BOTH PAID HALF OF THE DOWN PAYMENT, SO HIS CREDIT WAS ON THE LINE TOO. I BURNED THAT BRIDGE IN RECOVERY. PRIOR TO MOVING TO OCEAN-SIDE, I MET MY FUTURE WIFE IN A MEETING. WE GOT MARRIED IN AUGUST OF 1994. I DIDN’T KNOW IT AT THE TIME, BUT SHE WAS HIGH THE NIGHT WE GOT MARRIED. SHE WAS IN & OUT OF THE PROGRAM OUR ENTIRE MARRIAGE. OUR FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE WAS PRETTY GOOD. I WAS ABLE TO KEEP THIS HOUISE FOR ALMOST 8 YEARS. WE SEPARATED TWICE & SHE FINALLY FILED FOR DIVORCE. THE DIVORCE WAS FINAL IN SEPTEMBER OF 2000. IN SEPTEMBER OF 1995, MY EX-WIFE & I WERE AT A FRIDAY NIGHT MEETING. I ASKED HER IF SHE’D DO SOMETHING FOR ME WHEN WE GOT HOME & SHE SAID NO PROBLEM. A MINUTE LATER I ASKED HER THE SAME QUESTION AGAIN. THIS CONTINUED A FEW MORE TIMES & AFTER THE MEETING SHE TOOK ME TO THE HOSPITAL. I HAVE NO MEMORY OF IT, BUT THEY DID A SPINAL TAP & RAN SOME OTHER TESTS & I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH SEVERE DEPRESSION. I WAS ADMITTED TO THE HOSPITAL. I WAS IN & OUT OF CONCIOUSNESS. I WAS PRETTY CLOSE TO NOT BEING ABLE TO DISTINGUISH FANTASY FROM REALITY. THE ONLY THING I HAD TO HOLD ONTO WAS MY RECOVERY. AFTER A COUPLE OF NIGHTS IN THE HOSPITAL, I DECIDED I WANTED TO GO HOME. I PUT MY CLOTHES ON & ESCAPED THROUGH THE SERVICE ELEVATOR. THIS WAS AT 10 PM AT NIGHT. AT 2 AM, THE POLICE FINALLY FOUND ME & TOOK ME BACK. I TALKED MY FAMILY INTO RELEASING ME AGAINST DR’S ORDERS THE NEXT DAY. THAT NIGHT MY CONDITION WORSENED. I WAS TOLD I WAS WATCHING TV W/O IT BEING ON. I LOST ALL INTEREST IN SEX, MUSIC & HAVE 2 CONSECUTIVE WEEKENDS THAT I HAVE NO MEMORY OF. WHEN I GET OVERWHELMED, MY MIND SHUTS DOWN. I’LL BE THERE PHYSICALLY, BUT MENTALLY I’M OUT TO LUNCH. THE LAST TIME THIS HAPPENED WAS IN MARCH OF 2001. BETWEEN MARCH & AUGUST OF 2000, I WROTE BAD CHECKS TO BE ABLE TO EAT. THIS WAS INSANE BEHAVIOR. FROM 1995–2002 I WAS IN A MENTAL HEALTH FACILITY AT LEAST ONCE A YEAR. WHEN THE SEVERE DEPRESSION STARTED, I WAS UNABLE TO HOLD DOWN A JOB FOR ANY LENGTH OF TIME. I KEPT ASKING THE DOCTOR HOW LONG I HAD TO TAKE THESE PSYCH MEDS. HE FINALLY TOLD ME PROBABLY THE REST OF MY LIFE. EARLY IN MY RECOVERY I HAD THE MENTALITY THAT ANYONE WHO TOOK ANYTHING WASN’T CLEAN. TODAY I TAKE MY PSYCH MEDS IN ORDER TO KEEP WHAT SANITY I HAVE LEFT. AFTER THE MENTAL ILLNESS STARTED, MY EX IN-LAWS & MY PARENTS HAD TO START FINANCIALLY SUPPORTING US. I GOT COMFORTABLE IN THIS SITUATION & I ALSO DEVELOPED A GREAT DEAL OF GUILT, SHAME & RESENTMENT AGAINST MYSELF, MY WIFE (BECAUSE SHE WAS MAKING THE MONEY DURING A LARGE PART OF OUR MARRIAGE), MY FAMILY & HER FAMILY. I WAS MADE TO FEEL MY MENTAL ILLNESS, MY LACK OF FINANCES, & MY DIVORCE WAS MY FAULT. SHE LEFT ME PARTLY BECAUSE OF ALL THE STRESS & STRAIN MY DEPRESSION CAUSED & BECAUSE I PUT MY RECOVERY FIRST. SHE LEFT ME 3 WEEKS AFTER MY 36TH BIRTHDAY. I WAS VERY RESENTFUL AT HER PARENTS BECAUSE MY THINKING & RATIONALIZING TOLD ME THEY WERE ENABLING HER BY LETTING HER MOVE BACK IN WITH THEM INSTEAD OF GETTING MARRIAGE COUNSELING FIRST. WHEN SHE LEFT ME THE 2ND TIME, I STOPPED TAKING MY PSYCH MEDS FOR 7 MONTHS. I DIDN’T TAKE ANY PSYCH MEDS FROM MARCH OF 2000 UNTIL OCTOBER OF 2000. DURING THAT TIME, I DEVELOPED SYMPTOMS OF PARANOID DELUSIONS. I STARTED TALKING TO WOMEN ON THE INTERNET & WAS ASKING ALL OF THEM TO MARRY ME. I MET ONE PARTICULAR WOMAN ON THE INTERNET & MADE THE DECISION TO MOVE TO OHIO. I WAS SO RESENTFUL AT MYSELF & MY FAMILY; I SERIOUSLY CONSIDERED NOT TELLING THEM WHERE I WAS MOVING TO. I WAS NOT IN MY RIGHT MIND AT ALL. FINALLY IN JULY OF 2000, MY PARENTS COULD NO LONGER PAY MY BILLS FOR ME & TOLD ME THE HOUSE HAD TO BE PUT UP FOR SALE. I MENTIONED EARLIER ABOUT BURNING MY FINANCIAL BRIDGE WITH MY PARENTS. MY DAD SIGNED FOR A HOME IMPROVEMENT LOAN FOR ME IN LATE 1999. I USED THE LOAN FOR IMPROVEMENTS TO THE HOUSE & MOSTLY FOR PERSONAL USE W/O MY DAD’S KNOWLEDGE. I USED THE ENTIRE LOAN UP & THEN COULDN’T MAKE THE PAYMENTS ON IT. HE WAS MAJORLY PISSED OFF AT ME. THIS DID IRREPARABLE DAMAGE TO OUR RELATIONSHIP. WHEN THE HOUSE WAS SOLD, MY PARENTS GOT $15,000 FOR ALL THE MONEY I OWED THEM. WHEN I MOVED TO PORTSMOUTH, OHIO (THE KENTUCKY OHIO RECOVERY AREA) IN SEPTEMBER OF 2000, I HAD $30,000. WITHIN 5 WEEKS OF MOVING TO OHIO, I HAD $200 LEFT. I WAS IN A TOTAL MANIC PHASE. IN OCTOBER OF 2000, I WENT INTO THE LOCAL MENTAL HEALTH FACILITY & WAS RE-DIAGNOSED WITH SEVERE MANIC/DEPRESSION. THE DOCTOR TOLD ME I WAS A TRUE ADDICT BECAUSE I REMEMBERED THE EXACT TIME & DATE WHEN I USED LAST. AT THE TIME I WENT INTO THE HOSPITAL IN OHIO, I HAD SEVERE DIFFICULTY CONCENTRATING, LOSS OF SHORT & LONG TERM MEMORY & COULDN’T PUT MY THOUGHTS TOGETHER BECAUSE MY MIND WAS RACING TOO FAST. I ALSO HAD TIMES WHEN MY MIND WOULD GO BLANK & I’D HAVE TO ASK SOMEONE TO REPEAT WHAT THEY HAD JUST SAID TO ME. I STILL HAVE THESE PROBLEMS TODAY BUT THE EMOTIONAL UPS & DOWNS AREN’T AS SEVERE. MY MENTAL ILLNESS HAS TAKEN QUITE A BIT FROM ME BUT THERE’S ONE THING THAT I’VE KEPT FOREMOST IN MY MIND, “DON’T USE, NO MATTER WHAT.” IN OCTOBER OF 2000, I FILED FOR DISABILITY BENEFITS. FINALLY IN NOVEMBER OF 2002, I HAD A HEARING & WAS APPROVED FOR BENEFITS. IN JANUARY OF 2003, I GOT $12,000 BACK PAY & WAS ABLE TO GO TO THE 30TH WORLD CONVENTION OF NA IN SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA. THIS WAS A TRUE BLESSING. I WAS ABLE TO GO VISIT FRIENDS & FAMILY & BE IN CALIFORNIA FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ALMOST 3 YEARS. I’M CRYING WHILE I’M WRITING RIGHT NOW. THE FIRST MORNING I WAS IN CALIFORNIA, I HAD A SEVERE PANIC ANXIETY ATTACK. I WAS ABLE TO PRAY & ASSURE MYSELF I WAS IN THE RIGHT PLACE. I FOUND OUT THROUGH MY SISTER THAT I WASN’T WELCOME IN HER HOUSE OR MY PARENT’S HOUSE. THIS STILL BRINGS UP A LOT OF HURT & PAIN. BY GOING TO THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY OF NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS, I WAS ABLE TO OVERCOME MY EXTREME FEAR OF LARGE CROWDS. I FELT VERY COMFORTABLE 95% OF THE TIME I WAS THERE. I WAS ON A VERY LARGE PINK CLOUD TO BE ABLE TO SEE & GO IN THE OCEAN & JUST TO BE ABLE TO EXPERIENCE THE INDESCRIBABLE FEELINGS OF NOT BEING ALONE & REALLY BEING A PART OF SOMETHING THAT HAS WORKED MIRACLES IN SO MANY PEOPLE’S LIVES. I’VE BEEN TO CONVENTIONS BEFORE, BUT THIS WAS MY FIRST WORLD CONVENTION. BEFORE I LEFT FOR THE CONVENTION, I TYPED OUT A LETTER TO MY PARENTS SO I COULD MAKE AN AMENDS TO THEM. THE LAST NIGHT I WAS IN CALIFORNIA, MY PARENTS, SISTER, BROTHER-IN-LAW, 2 NEPHEWS & MY NIECE & I WENT OUT TO DINNER. I WAS ABLE TO GIVE THEM THE LETTER & $75 FOR AN ANNIVERSARY GIFT. WHEN I GOT BACK TO OHIO, I CALLED MY PARENTS & MY MOM TOLD ME SHE BURST INTO TEARS WHEN SHE READ THE LETTER. MY DAD CRIED TOO. THEY TOLD ME THEY DIDN’T AGREE WITH EVERYTHING I WROTE, BUT RESPECTED IT. I NEVER THOUGHT I’D BE ABLE TO HAVE ANY TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP WITH MY FAMILY LIKE IT ONCE WAS. I WROTE IN THE LETTER THAT I DIDN’T WANT TO BLAME MY BEHAVIOR ON MY MENTAL ILLNESS, BUT I WOULD NEVER HAVE ACTED LIKE I DID IN MY RIGHT MIND. I MADE CLEAR THAT I WAS MAKING AN AMENDS FOR CAUSING SO MUCH PAIN, MISERY & CHAOS IN THEIR LIVES. I HAD ALSO WRITTEN THAT I DIDN’T THINK THAT I’D SEE THEM AGAIN UNTIL ONE OF THEIR FUNERALS. I TOLD THEM THAT I FELT THEY ONLY WANTED TO HAVE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. THEY SAID THAT’S TRUE BECAUSE I GET A BETTER QUALITY OF MENTAL HEALTH CARE IN OHIO THAN I WOULD IN CALIFORNIA. THE FIRST THING MY PARENTS TOLD ME IS THAT THEY LOVE ME!! MY MOM TOLD ME THAT THEY WANT ME TO COME BACK OUT FOR ANOTHER VISIT. I COULD COME TO THEIR HOUSE TOO. I NEVER EXPECTED THIS FROM MY AMENDS. SHE ALSO TOLD ME THAT MY NEICE HAD COMMENTED THAT I WAS REALLY ENJOYABLE TO BE AROUND. MY MOM TOLD HER THAT SHE NEVER REALLY KNEW ME BEFORE THE ONSET OF MY SEVERE MENTAL ILLNESS. I NEVER TOOK THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW MY NEICE & NEPHEWS REAL WELL WHILE THEY WERE GROWING UP. PART OF IT WAS DUE TO MY ACTIVE ADDICTION & PART OF IT WAS DUE TO GUILT, SHAME, & REGRETS I HAD ABOUT THE PAST. ANOTHER PART OF IT WAS DUE TO NOT KNOWING HOW TO BE AN UNCLE TO THEM. I WAS RAISED IN A TOTALLY NEGATIVE ENVIRONMENT. I REALLY DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO GET CLOSE TO PEOPLE. I’M STILL WORKING ON MY SOCIAL SKILLS TODAY. THEY’VE IMPROVED QUITE A BIT SINCE GETTING CLEAN BUT IT’S A CONTINUING PROCESS. I LIKE TO THINK OF MYSELF AS A WORK IN PROGRESS. I’VE GOT THE REST OF MY LIFE TO WORK ON MYSELF & THANK GOD I DON’T HAVE TO DO IT ALONE! OVER THE PAST 3 YEARS SINCE I MOVED TO OHIO, I’VE BEEN ABLE TO WORK ON MYSELF FROM THE INSIDE OUT. MY FAMILY COULD SEE THE RESULTS OF THE WORK GOD & I HAVE DONE IN THAT TIME. THE PROCESS OF THE STEPS IS BEAUTIFUL. THE MORE I WORK ON MYSELF, MORE IS SLOWLY BEING REVEALED TO ME ABOUT MY PAST, PRESENT & FUTURE. I’VE HAD A LOT OF ANGER & RAGE ABOUT THE PAST. IN ADDITION TO WORKING THE STEPS, I’VE BEEN GOING TO DUAL DIAGNOSIS CLASSES (PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESS & SUBSTANCE ABUSE) & ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES. I’VE BEEN TRYING TO APPLY THE PRINCIPLES OF THE PROGRAM IN ALL AREAS OF MY LIFE. IN THE PAST YEAR, I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE HAS STARTED TO SLOWLY FALL BACK INTO PLACE. ALSO OVER THE PAST YEAR I’VE BEEN ABLE TO START ACCEPTING & SURRENDERING THAT LIKE MY ADDICTION, MY MENTAL ILLNESS CAN BE ARRESTED, BUT IT WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF ME. LAST MONTH AN OLD FRIEND IN THE PROGRAM CALLED ME. WE GOT CLEAN IN THE SAME AREA. HE HAD BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH STAGE 4 BRAIN CANCER. I PRAYED FOR HIM LIKE I’D NEVER PRAYED FOR ANYONE BEFORE. I HAD CALLED HIM A COUPLE TIMES DURING HIS ILLNESS & HAD ONLY BEEN ABLE TO LEAVE A MESSAGE ON HIM & HIS WIFE’S ANSWERING MACHINE. IT WAS A TRUE MIRACLE WHEN I HEARD HIS VOICE ON MY PHONE. I REALLY DIDN’T THINK THAT I’D EVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN. HE SAID THE CANCER IS IN REMISSION. WE TALKED FOR QUITE AWHILE ABOUT WHERE OUR PATHS IN RECOVERY HAVE TAKEN US. WE BOTH HAVE STAYED CLEAN NO MATTER WHAT LIFE THROWS AT US. I’M CURRENTLY LIVING IN A GROUP HOME RUN BY THE LOCAL MENTAL HEALTH FACILITY. I’VE BEEN IN THE GROUP HOME A YEAR NOW. I NEVER EXPECTED MY LIFE TO BE LIKE THIS, BUT I TRY NOT TO THINK NEGATIVELY ABOUT WHAT I DON’T HAVE & STAY GRATEFUL FOR WHAT I DO HAVE. I HAVE A GROWING RELATIONSHIP WITH MY FAMILY AGAIN. I HAVE MORE TRUE FRIENDS THAN I CAN COUNT & THEY ALL CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING. I CURRENTLY SPONSOR 3 MEN & RECENTLY GOT A NEW SPONSOR. MY CHARACTER DEFECTS GOT TO THE POINT WHERE I NEEDED TO START WORKING THE STEPS AGAIN. MY LAST SPONSOR MOVED AWAY. I STILL PROCRASTINATE QUITE A BIT. BY WRITING THIS, I’VE DONE STEP WORK THAT MY SPONSOR WANTED ME TO DO. I’M STILL RESISTANT TO CHANGE EVEN WHEN IT’S GOOD FOR ME. MY SPONSOR LIVES IN KENTUCKY & MOVED THERE FROM NORTHERN CALIFORNIA. IS THAT GOD WORKING IN MY LIFE OR WHAT? MY RECOVERY HAS NOT BEEN EASY BY ANY MEANS. THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES WHEN I’VE LOST FAITH IN MY HIGHER POWER & JUST WANTED TO GIVE UP. IT TOOK THE DEATH OF SOMEONE SPECIAL TO ME IN RECOVERY TO GET ME BACK INTO THESE ROOMS AT ONE POINT. I USUALLY HAVE TO HIT AN EMOTIONAL BOTTOM BEFORE I DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. GOD IS ALWAYS DOING FOR ME WHAT I CAN’T OR DON’T WANT TO DO FOR MYSELF. IT’S LIKE I TOLD MY SPONSEE, IF YOU DON’T PUT YOUR RECOVERY FIRST, THEN YOU WON’T HAVE IT AT ALL. I TRY TO REMEMBER THAT. I HOPE & PRAY THAT THIS WILL BE BENEFICIAL TO THE BOOK THAT’S IN PROGRESS. MY STORY DIDN'T MAKE IT INTO THE NEW BASIC TEXT, BUT AT LEAST I FEEL PROUD THAT I PARTICIPATED & SUBMITTED MY STORY. MAYBE IT WILL BE USED IN SOME OTHER WAY IN THE FUTURE.IN LOVING SERVICE, MATT H.THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE QUOTES FROM THE NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS BASIC TEXT: "ENJOYMENT, APPRECIATION, & GRATITUDE FOR THE QUALITY OF OUR LIVES - THESE ARE THE RESULTS OF FAITH IN LIFE ITSELF."HERE'S A LETTER I SAT DOWN & WROTE TO MY EX GIRLFRIEND. I MAILED IT TO HER THE NEXT DAY.CLOSING THIS RELATIONSHIP PROPERLYHi Ruth, I need to write this for myself, not you. I went into our relationship again being unrealistic. After we broke up, I went into the crisis unit for a couple days, not just because of you, but because a friend of mine that died of an overdose & my dad telling me my uncle died. I was having strong thoughts of harming myself & harming you. I sorted through my feelings & came to the conclusion that you’re not worth the effort. I found out the hard way that you never changed & you probably never will. I have no sympathy for the actions you feel you need to act on to be self destructive, that’s your problem. I just hope your kids find some stability someday. I think the best thing that happened from all this is being able to get rid of the Grand Prix. You both deserve each other. The second best thing was getting out of a very unhealthy relationship that never would have worked anyway. It seemed that all you wanted to do was change me. You couldn’t accept me the way I am & to me, that means you were never really a true friend or ever in love with me at all. Don’t worry about paying my parents back. I was the one that was stupid enough to lie to them for you. I don’t want to deal with the hassle of staying in contact with you to make sure it’s being paid on. I have no reason to ever have any contact with you again & I want it that way. There’s no need to reply to this because if I get anything from you in the mail, internet or postal, I’ll throw it away just like I did with your picture. I’d appreciate it if you got rid of my phone number too. To put it simply, I don’t want anything to do with you. I’ve gotten a lot of blessings since we ended. God saw fit to put a much better woman in my life, one that can love & accept me the way I am. I’m continuing with college, & I’ve been hired at an online radio station. My future looks really bright without having to live under your cloud of chaos & drama. I wish your kids have a happy & fulfilling life, they deserve that. I’ll be moving out of Ohio in the near future & this time, I’m following through on that. Thanks for the learning experience. Matt 3/9/07GOD WORKS MIRACLES IN MY LIFE WHETHER I THINK I'M READY FOR THEM OR NOT. I'VE LEARNED NOT TO PRAY FOR WHAT I WANT BECAUSE IT ALWAYS FALLS SHORT OF WHAT MY HIGHER POWER HAS IN MIND FOR ME. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF LOVE. GOD IS STRANGE & BEAUTIFUL AT THE SAME TIME.Saturday, August 04, 2007 - 4:11 PM Daddy-DaveT for President 08 Daddy-DaveT for President 08I put this ,well, just for a laugh. But sooner or later we need a" average Joe" to lead this country. Our current President is a joke with all his Lil rich kid ideas. Come on George did ya think any of that shit was going to fly ? Privatize Social Security give me a break. sounds good for the rich, sure sucks for the working class. Lets see .....oh.... Yea , and your "guest worker program" that's a good one. Come on W we tried that once it was called "Slavery" didn't work out so well if history recalls. You and Congress running the War. damn that's a scary thought, hm mm I think we been there before to George, Politicians running the Vietnam War. wasn't a very good outcome there either.Whats sad is that all the so called people in charge of this country also have a hidden agenda. Until we get some one to lead, and get rid of the career politicians ,the country will continue to spiral down due to Greed, Money and Power. A few simple but yet effective ideas to change this country. A) any person of public office found to take advantage of the position as to money, property and or gifts equals 20 years Flat.......Period B) any company hiring or employing a illegal immigrate equals 100,000 dollar fine, 1 Year probation per violation and probation to run consecutively. C)If the oil companys countinue to raise price's well other things other than just the average person needs to fit the bill also. All automobiles made or imported in the U.S. are to have a mileage rating of 30 mpg or more. This would be a Start and I will add more as time permits it. Thank you and God Bless you !!!! Daddy-DaveT Leader of the Red-Neck_NationPosted Date: Sunday, August 05, 2007 MY RESPONSE: EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'LL GLADLY BE APPOINTED TO A POSITION WHERE I CAN CARRY OUT YOUR DECISIONS. EXPOSE ALL THE DAMN "HIDDEN AGENDAS" FOR WHAT THEY ARE... SINGLE, NARROW MINDED, CONNING, MANIPULATIVE SCUMBAGS THAT LIVE ON SELF-WILL 24/7. IDIOTS THAT COULD CARE LESS; HOW THE AVERAGE AMERICAN SUFFERS, HOW FINANCIAL DISASTERS ARE JUST ONE PAYCHECK AWAY; HOW A FAMILY WITH TWO INCOMES CAN STILL LAY AWAKE AT NIGHT WORRYING HOW THE BILLS ARE GOING TO BE PAID; HOW AN ELDERLY PERSON IS GOING TO CHOOSE BETWEEN EITHER GROCERY SHOPPING OR GETTING PRESCRIPTIONS FILLED. THE LIST IS ENDLESS, BUT OF COURSE TO THOSE WHO NEVER EXPERIENCE FINANCIAL HARDSHIPS & BURDENS (PRESIDENT BUSH + OTHERS IN SOCIETY) THEY COULD CARE LESS ABOUT ANY OF THESE DAILY LIVING CONDITIONS. I'D PAY TO SEE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE TRY TO MAKE IT OUT IN THE "REAL WORLD". AS FAR AS ILLEGALS GO, THE PRESIDENT NEEDS TO STOP SHIPPING JOBS OVERSEAS!! CHEAPER IS NEVER BETTER. STOP & THINK WHERE THE SAYING "AMERICAN INGENUITY" CAME FROM. GIVE UP? THE UNITED STATES...OMG...WHAT A CONCEPT!!!!! HARDLY ANYTHING IS AMERICAN MADE ANYMORE. EVEN IF IT SAYS IT IS, PARTS ARE MADE ELSEWHERE & SHIPPED HERE. IT'S NOT "MADE" HERE, BUT IT MIGHT BE "ASSEMBLED" HERE. NOT THE SAME THING. ILLEGALS NEED TO BE ROUNDED UP & SENT BACK TO WHERE THEY CAME FROM. ILLEGALS AREN'T WELCOMED ANYWHERE ELSE WITH OPEN ARMS, WHY SHOULD WE? ANOTHER IMPORTANT FACT TOO, LEARN FUCKING ENGLISH!!!!!! ILLEGALS ARE PART OF THE TERRORIST PROBLEM TOO. WHY SHOULD THESE KIND OF PEOPLE BE ALLOWED TO EXPERIENCE & SHARE WHAT "LEGAL" AMERICANS WORK & PAY TAXES FOR????? AS FAR AS GAS & OIL? THE UNITED STATES SHOULD ALREADY HAVE HAD ALTERNATIVE FUEL SOURCES IN PLACE & PRODUCE & MARKET AUTOMOBILES THAT RUN SOLELY ON ANYTHING OTHER THAN GASOLINE. GAS PRICING SHOULD BE REGULATED INSTEAD OF CHARGING WHATEVER THE HELL THEY WANT. AMERICANS SUFFER EVERYDAY WITH RISING COSTS & NOTHING SEEMS TO BE GETTING BETTER. OF COURSE THIS IS JUST MY OPINION. MATT H. CERTIFIED NUT CASE WITH NO HIDDEN AGENDA JUST FOR TODAYGRATITUDE LIST 08/31/07MY CLEAN TIME MY HEALTH MY CONTACT WITH MY HIGHER POWER BEING A SPIRITUAL BEING NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS I’M GOING TO COLLEGE I HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE & FOOD TO EAT I HAVE A VEHICLE THAT’S RUNNING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY FAMILY IS GOOD MY MOM WANTS TO SEE ME AGAIN MY LOVE OF MUSIC HAVING MORE FRIENDS THAN I CAN COUNT PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT ME BEING ABLE TO PARTICIPATE IN LIFE; BOTH GOOD & BAD BEING ABLE TO FEEL FEELINGS & KNOW THAT THEY’LL PASS HAVING MATERIAL POSSESSIONS HAVING MEDS I TAKE TO HELP ME KEEP SOME SANITY HAVING THE GIFT OF PERSEVERANCE PERSEVEREANCE – STEADY & CONTINUED ACTION OR BELIEF, USUALLY OVER A LONG PERIOD & ESPECIALLY DESPITE DIFFICULTIES OR SETBACKS I’M JUST TRYING TO DO THE BEST I CAN ON A DAILY BASIS I DON’T KNOW HOW TO LIVE LIFE ON LIFE’S TERMS & MOST OF THE TIME MY PERCEPTION OF REALITY IS WARPED TODAY’S MEDITATION IS ON GRATITUDE SO THIS IS WHY I MADE THIS LIST. I WENT TO A MEETING TODAY & IT WAS SUGGESTED BY ANOTHER RECOVERING ADDICT I WRITE A GRATITUDE LIST. I DO FEEL BETTER, ALTHOUGH I STILL EXPERIENCE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS & EMOTIONS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AS A WHOLE. AT LEAST I DON’T HAVE TO ACT OUT ON THEM TODAY. CHANGE IS CONSTANT & IT HAPPENS WHETHER I’M WILLING TO PARTICIPATE IN IT OR NOT.Redneck Heimlich ManeuverTwo Redneck were having the Blue Plate Special at their favorite truck stop when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned around to see a lady, sitting a few bar stools down from them, turning blue from the Armadillo burger she ate too fast.The first Redneck said to the other, "Think we oughtta help?" "Yep, reckon so", says the second.The first Redneck gets up, walks over to the lady and asks, "Can you breathe?" She shakes her head, "no"."Can you speak?" he then asks. She shakes her head, "no", again.With that, he helps her to her feet, lifts up her skirt, and starts to lick her on the butt.She is so shocked, she coughs up the obstruction and begins to breathe again, with great relief.The first Redneck turns back to his friend and says with a smile, "Funny how that Hind Lick Maneuver works every time!"Redneck and the NymphomaniacA man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago".He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?""Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.""Really, " he said, "what myths are those?""Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait."Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern redneck." Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name.""Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba."Redneck Parachute JumpJust before a new redneck had his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, "Count to ten, then pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for your auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up."The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened.He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened.As he plummeted to the ground, he said to himself, "I'll bet that truck won't be there either!"Pretty GirlWhat do you call a pretty girl on the arm of a boy in Alabama?A TatooHickbonicsahz: the things you see withaig: which come first, the chicken or the aig?arn: an electrical instrument used to remove wrinkles from clothing.bawl: what water does at 212 degrees.bidness: commercial enterprisebobbycue: a delectable southern sandwich of chopped pork, cole slaw an a fiery sauce.co-cola: any form/brand of soft drink.clinics: a tissuecrine: weepingdawfins: name of the pro football team in Miami.daints: a more or less formal event in which members of the opposite sex hold each other and move rhythmically to the sound of music.dayum: an expletive; in other states, a four-letter word.doc: a condition caused by an absence of light.ever: each, as in "She's bin crine ever day since JJ run off".far: combustiongit: to acquiregoff: a game played with clubs and a little white ball.hep: a cry for assistance, as in "HEP! There's a far!hoss: a large, solid-hoofed, herbivorous animal.lectricity: energy for arns, tvs, an other thangs.liberry: a building where thousands of literary works are kept.nekkid: to be unclothed.ole well: a source of petroleum.own: opposite of awf (see lectricity).paypuh: what you write on.shevuhlay: a General Motors car.spearmint: something scientists do.stow: establishment where things are sold.tar: a round inflatable object which sometimes goes flat.uhmurkin: someone who lives in the united state of uhmurka.zackly: preciselyRedneck Olympics10. Doves released during opening ceremonies are promptly shot by the crowd and sold as concession snacks.9. In an amazing coincidence, every proposed Olympic venue turns out to be owned by the Governor.8. The big event is the 100m Sisterchase.7. Instead of shooting at boring targets, archers take aim at muskrats and ATF agents.6. Urine drug test transformed into "Distance Pissin Competition."5. Olympic Village replaced with Olympic Trailer Park.4. Awards of gold, silver and bronze medals replaced by award of gold, silver, and bronze teeth.3. Opening Ceremony is a Skynyrd tape and a trunk full of bottle rockets.2. Hometown favorites falter in gymnastics competitions due to all them extra toes.1. Two words: Billy Bobsledding.
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