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You Know You're Russian When.... Your car costs more than your college education Your blood has a permanent vodka content level, no matter you have been drinking or not Any outfit you wear involves leather (even in the summer even when no coats are worn) Your idea of a normal Friday or Saturday night is spending it raving with 200-300 of your closest friends Your idea of a love song is Track 1 of the New York Underground Party Volume 3 CD. Things you can't live without include food, water, and a cell phone Instead of notes during class you write text messages to your friends in Russian font You come home at 3am and your parents are still out partying with all your friend's parents People are always asking you if you can get them a cheep deal on something...and you can Every sentence you say or hear starts with "blyat" and ends with "nahuy" You know the new line of Nokia's 3 months before they come out on the market You can't go to the movies on Sunday night without having to save 20 seats for your late friends cuz they're buying semichki You don't mind family get-togethers because you know the grandmas will be making dinner You know all the cops by their first names You know someone who works at a dental lab You are somehow related to most of the people you know On the weekends your place of residence is the pool hall, and every 10 mins the tolstii pon'chik tells you to pick up line 2 You drive a Honda (or, in the EXTREME worse case a Nissan), and your windows are tinted to twice the legal limit Your Honda has either a RU (Russia) or UA (Ukraine) sticker on the back bumper Your Honda is a 5-speed stick shift, and you laugh at anyone driving an automatic by calling them lohs At any given moment you are carrying at least a dime bag of shmal'... Your uncle is in the Russian Mafia or is a former employee of the KGB You have been kicked out of the JCC at least twice for trying to sneak in without paying. You can be identified as "Russian" by your scent (D&G or Aqua de Gio cologne). The waitresses at Omega know your order even before you say anything. Most of the time you get "Gypsy". You met your girl playing strip durak at the last party you went to. Everyone you know has a ruchka of smirnoff in their trunk. You wake up on a saturday morning, unable to remember which one of your friends gave you a ride home because you couldn't even walk, but see your car standing in the parking lot (you drove home yourself). You start thinking of bread as a good mixer for vodka You know more than 30 Olgas, Annas, Natashas, and Vikas You have to tell your parents what channel is "YOUR" HBO, Showtime, Per-View is on. Your parents have computer "experience" for 8 years already on the resume, yet they been in US for only 4... You major in Computer Science or in worst case scenario Information Systems (but you still barely know how to turn on a computer). You have a personalized license plate. When you are going downtown you ride in one of the last two train carts. Typical Friday/Saturday night phone call to your friends starts with "So what are we doing tonight?" Most of your clothes are fake brand names but you "just can't tell them apart from the real ones." Your fake id is the International Driving License who you got through your friend who goes to Kingsburough. You used to work out, but you don't anymore. If you do workout, you must wear all you golden chains and bracelets. Lifting a cigarette while drinking coffee counts as an exercise. You have a fake Movado because you can't afford a real Rolex. Once in a while you attempt to go to synagogue but you never make it past the door because you meet so many people you haven't seen for so long. Some English words like "use, shop, apply, and etc." permanently become a part of your conversational You're proud to be Russian - and you pass these jokes on to all your Russian friends!
El Presidente's "All About Me!" survey:
What's the damn deal mayne? chillin mayne
No really, what's the damn deal? nah for realz
What yo name is? call me alex
Who you be with? me myself n i
You got your own crew/clique/group? fa sho
Who are they/What are they called? party crew
Do you stay funky fresh dressed to impress ready to party? hell yeah got to be
What you ride? Big wheels? a beema
What you drank? That Patron? nah i be on that vodka
What you smokin'? That good, presidential George Bush shit? nada
Are you holdin' it DINE? yep
Do a lot of people know who you are? hell yeah
Are you on your grind? fo sho
If you said "no" to the above question, why aren't you grindin? i said yes
Do you chill in the club in your Bboy stance, your hoodie on with your gun in your pants? sometimes
Are you well endowed? yep
Are you a liar? Did you lie in the above question? nah dont need to
Do you stay on top of your game? yep
Are you addicted to myspace? nah not really but i check it once a day
How often do you update your pictures? couple times a month
Rep where you from? RUSSIA
Are you in college? nope
What high school did you go to? the rock high school lol
How tall are you? Don't lie, and ROUND DOWN!!! bout 5`6
Are you ugly? hell nah
Yes you are, why did you lie on a survey when everyone can see your pictures? lol
Do you watch the news and read the paper to stay up on current events? sometimes
Do you use the internet as an endless source of information for anything you need to find out? depends on what info
Do you know what a "wiki" is? nope
Are you smarter than the person that you got this survey from? lol dunno
What's your favorite flavor of chewing gum? watermelon
Have you ever been on drugs? Marijuana DOES NOT count as a drug, you weak ass bitch. tried it when i was young
Do you have any medical conditions that we should know about? nope
So you think you can dance? yeah im aight
Are you a guy, but still have a show on prime-time TV that you HAVE to watch every week, that IS NOT a half-hour comedy? none
If you answered "yes" to the above question, you're a homo. Sorry... Are you a homo? lol i said nope
Are you racist? nah
Are you sexist? lol wtf
Are you fascist? dunno
Are you capitalist? nope
Do you know what the above two questions mean? not all of em
Are you democrat or republican? neither one im just me
Did you vote in the past election? nope
Who did you vote for? nobody
What kind of music do you listen to? Techno/trance and the like DO NOT count as music. errything
Ever walked out of a movie because it was SO terrible? nope but fell to sleep on it
What's the worst movie you've EVER seen? dont remember been a couple
Do you go to the movies often? nah
Do you have sex a lot? nonya
Do you like it rough, or gay? nonya
What's your favorite position? nonya
Where's the craziest place you've had sex? nonya
Would your partner(s) say that you are good in bed? dunno
Do you like football? is aight
Who're your favorite players? Name only three... dont have one
What's your favorite team? dont have 1 either
Do you like basketball? is ok
Who're your favorite players? Name only three... none
What's your favorite team? none
Do you like any other sports that they would show on SportsCenter? nope
Did you know that baseball is probably the single most boring sport in history? guess
Do you like baseball? nope
Did you ever play sports? nope
Do you dress nice or bummy? Or both at the same time? nice
Do people come up to you to talk to you, or do you have to go out of your way to talk to them? both
Are you a pimp(pimp) in your own(own) fuckin' mind, are you a pimp in your own fuckin' mind? nope
If you could have any ONE super power, what would it be? to be able to read minds
If you had said super power, would you be a hero or a villain? villain
Are you famous? yeah in my own way
Do you want to be famous? nope
What's more important: fame, fortune or power? power
Have you ever wished that you were on a season of The Real World because you think that you'd be the realest person on the show and hold it down for wherever you came from? nope
Have you ever been on television? Or any media that the general consumer can see, like the newspaper or a magazine? nope
Do you like your family? yeah i love em
Are your parents still married? yep
Do you know all of the people on your myspace friends list? yeah i dont add strangers
I mean really know them, not just met them once or twice. Is the answer to the above question still "yes?" yeah
How often do you check out your myspace?
Do you have another account with a website similar to myspace? nope
What would you do if all of a sudden myspace just shut down? Would you cry because you lost contact with all your friends? oh well then ill shut down
Are you upset because this is a long ass survey? lol nope
Have you ever tried to make your own survey? nah
This shit has taken me forever... Do you have the patience to do what I just did and think up all these questions and make a survey out of them? hell nah thats y i didnt do my own
Do you have a pet? nope
Have you ever had someone in your immediate family die? yeah
Do you text message more than you talk on the phone? yeah way more
Who do you love? me
Are you for sure? yeah
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||| 60%
Stability |||||||||||| 43%
Orderliness |||||||||||| 46%
Accommodation |||||||||||| 50%
Interdependence |||||||||| 36%
Intellectual |||||||||||| 43%
Mystical |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Artistic |||||||||| 36%
Religious |||||||||||||||| 63%
Hedonism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Materialism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Narcissism |||||||||||||| 56%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 63%
Work ethic |||||||||||| 43%
Self absorbed |||||||||||||||| 63%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||| 43%
Need to dominate |||||||||||||||| 70%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Avoidant |||||||||||||||| 70%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 63%
Wealth |||||||||||| 50%
Dependency |||||||||||| 50%
Change averse |||||||||||||| 56%
Cautiousness |||||||||||| 43%
Individuality |||||||||||||| 56%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||| 63%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 50%
Physical security |||||||||||| 50%
Physical Fitness |||||| 30%
Histrionic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Paranoia |||||||||||||| 56%
Vanity |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Female cliche |||||||||||||||| 70% Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
"
MY MOM IS THE BIGGEST HEROE FOR ME CUZ WITHOUT HER I WOULD NOT BE WHERE IM AT RIGHT NOW. LOVE UYour results:
You are Catwoman
Catwoman
95%
The Flash
90%
Wonder Woman
80%
Hulk
80%
Spider-Man
75%
Green Lantern
75%
Supergirl
70%
Robin
68%
Superman
65%
Iron Man
60%
Batman
30%
You have had a tough childhood,
you know how to be a thief and exploit others
but you stand up for society's cast-offs.
Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...