The Name's Chantel.

& im kind of a big deal

Talk to me for 3 minutes and you'll be HOOKED. Sometimes im short and sometimes im tall, it just depends on who I am standing next to. I don’t think too much of myself, although a lot of people tell me im pretty. I don’t like the way my hair looks. I don’t like the way I act around guys. I don’t like when I fight with my parents or my brother for that matter. I don’t like the way my body is shaped. I don’t like the way my boobs are I wish they were slightly bigger. I fear that I am slightly OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). And I have a mild case of dyslexia, I think. My favorite color is pink.
I fear rejection even though I am rarely rejected. And I fear spiders, and snakes and bats and other various amphibians. I would not like to come encounter with a bear or a tiger/lion or anything else that is dangerous in the jungle. Unless I see them in the zoo. But that is still not too cool because I don’t think its too nice to lock animals up against their will, out of their natural habitat. I am not a super animal lover a.k.a. vegan or vegetarian. But I do have a heart.
I am following this diet of things with no sugar no fat and no cholesterol. Its pretty tuff to do but for me its life or death. Let me tell you why. I came home from a trip this summer w.out my parents. And as soon as I walk in the door my mom tells me that she got my test results back from my doctor and said that I have a high cholesterol and that I am a walking heart attack and wanted to put me into treatment with the American Heart Association right away. They gave me 3 months to keep on this strict diet and are going to test me once the 3 months are up to see what they should do. They are uneasy about putting me on the pills to lower my cholesterol b.c I am too young to be put on such a strong pill. But what they are going to find out is that it is heredity. In my family we are cholesterol makers/producers. So naturally its not what I eat so much its that it is already in my body.
I guarantee it.
I hate losing the ones I love. I personally have only lost two really important people in my life, but that is enough for me.

Zach Jones

4.29.90 - 5.12.06
I keep a lot of things to myself. But then sometimes I am very outspoken. I can never make up my mind until someone helps me. And I hate to be alone. Wherever I go I would rather be with someone. Even if its going to the bathroom at school, now granted I do go to the bathroom alone sometimes and I am just fine. I started to watch scary movies too young therefore I think something/someone is always watching me. I cant sleep with my feet out of the covers at night b.c I think something under my bed will grab them. I never sleep naked either, only because of the fact of if I do get kidnaped I would rather be fully clothed.
I have had problems in the past where I have gotten out of control with my drinking, drugs, and smoking. All to make myself accepted and just to fit in with the people in my surroundings. Let me tell you it worked. I got more friends, was invited to more parties, had more and more guys hitting on me, and I liked the attention. Until one night when I really screwed up and left a whole bunch of drugs in my purse and was fucked up to the point that I didn’t know what I was doing and all I wanted to do was sleep. Then my mom went into my bag and found my big secret I had kept from her for a while. She called me in and found out my whole secret life. It killed me inside to know that I had hurt my parents so badly that I had actually made them cry. I felt horrible that I had drug in so many people to my level of “coolness” including my brother. This happened in February. I am still in a partial lockdown as of now. But I still cant stay out at any ones house and my parents have to know everything that I do.
I don’t mind if you drink or are on drugs around me most of the time I just wont do it and have fun with you while being sober even if you are fucked up, I don’t mind. But I hate the fact when I cant state an oppinion on why someone shouldnt do this certain drug or do this certain thing because I’ve been through it. My most famous answer that people give me when I tell them that what they are doing is ‘stupid’ is “well you did it so whats wrong with me doing it” I hate that because then I have no fall back I cant just go and say well I know better because it ruined my life b.c then they will just try to tell me im being too over protective and not letting them experience it for themselves. We live in a world where people want to find out for themselves and they don’t want to have to be told not to do something because its bad. And sad enough to say thats exactly how I was and then I learned and still am experiencing it and I hate that.
My brother and I hangout a lot. Its not because we like each other. My mom just raised us to always be friends. Which I am proud for. I cant even tell you how many things he has gotten me out of when I would have gotten in way worse trouble. Im glad to have him and I wish nothing would ever happen to him because I would die. I don’t even want to believe that he has kissed a girl though I know he has.
if i made one mistake in my life it was breaking up with the most perfect boy. I guess i was scared to let things get to far at the time. he was my first real boyfriend and i thought about him all the time. he dosnt know that i still think of him often but am just to afraid that he would never want anything to do with me if i ever spoke to him again. we havnt talked since i broke up with him and i wish it were different. Every breakup i have i always go back to him and wonder why i couldnt have stayed with him. and i kno we would have stayed together through thick and thin we would have lasted and i ruined it. Everyone told us that we were the cutest couple and how cute we were together and we never faught and we always had cute conversations that would last forever it seemed and yet we werent obsessive over eachother. That was the best relationship that i never wanted to end. yet i have moved on and so has he.. but he will always be there to remind me how i spent that time of my life.
NEW CHAPTER
i thought he would never talk to me again, but i was wrong, way wrong. This weekend he walked right back into my life. One problem, he is going on 3 months with his new love. There was just something that made me think that i wasnt the only one thinking. The way he looked at me again felt real and it seemed that his eyes sparkled when he looked into my eyes. he made me feel as if i was the one for him and that everything that has happened never mattered the only thing that did was that we had been reunited. and when he hugged me for the first time again, it was so comforting and breath taking. The way we talked again, seemed forever like it had always been. It seemed as if we only went on a 2 year vacation and just had to catch up on what happened. Im sure nothing will become of it, but its good to know that we are okay and everything is in the past and hes okay with it. Im glad that we can talk again and still be super cute.
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"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful."

and; this is
LOUIE
[our love crab]
[11.15.06 - 2.15.07]
I would kill for this
<[/b>IF YOU LOOK LIKE THIS BOY DATE ME :]] FOUND HIS HEART -aim.