brandi.

i am 20 years old. in love. married. confused and completely neurotic i think. i am afraid of all of the things i want to be. and, i always choose the easy way out. i talk myself out of doing anything that i want to do, or that will make my life easier. just cause i think maybe i can't do it. so i don't even try. i'm pretty interesting and there is nothing to sacred to talk about. there is, however, a time and a place for it. i think about the strangest things and i have lots of weird ticks and 'things.' i used to have no filter, but i do now cause i realized people thought that i was weird. now i don't say half the things i'm thinking. why? i don't know. why the heck do i care what people think? i wish that chris and i were older, only so we could be passed all of this crap already. be done with it. but, thats part of it. growing, learning, and waking up each day not knowing what will happen. or, in my case... knowing exactly what will happen. i feel like in my life, i'm just waiting. waiting for something to be different, and waiting for 20 years to be done with. every thing in my life is waiting for a date. there is ALWAYS some day looming.i can't just live my life, and i can't fucking relax. my brain doesn't stop. i have no goals, no aspirations. nothing. yea, it sucks to not want to do anything. but, that's all i can do. having a career was out the window the second i signed marriage papers to a Marine. it was a good decision though, something will happen.i'm easy to talk to, and i'll listen and give honest advice. i can be a jerk but usually to stupid people, i am stupid sometimes. i don't mean to be mean (usually), but it just happens. don't take things to seriously, cause chances are... i didn't even know i hurt your feelings. i find out a long time later after you've been letting it fester up inside when i'd prefer you say something then so i can appologize. i am other than that a really sweet girl, with a big huge heart. i always root for the underdog, and i want everyone to be happy. i try and make people laugh, cause i like to see people happy. so, i try and be funny. we decided that i need video cameras in my car cause of the things ashley and i say. where are all the bird clubs at? club wagon... nce nce nce nce. can i be here? uh oh. i miss ashley. no one laughs with me like she does.