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2009 CUB Retreat October 23 - 25 in Virginia Beach, VA. Check out our website www.cubirthparents.org for more information.
CONSIDERING ADOPTION FOR YOUR BABY? CUB supports family preservation, so before making a decision, please visit our website at www.cubirthparents.org and read this pamphlet, What You Should Know If You're Considering Adoption For Your Baby.
CUB is a national organization serving those touched by adoption and others who are concerned about adoption issues. Although our focus is on birthparents (long the forgotten people of the adoption community), we welcome adoptees, adoptive parents, and professionals. We find that we all have much to learn from each other and that sharing our feelings and experiences benefits all of us. For more information on CUB, please visit our website at www.cubirthparents.org .
SEPARATED BY ADOPTION?
CUB (Concerned United Birthparents, Inc.) is a non-profit organization founded in October 1976 by Lee Campbell. In its earliest days, CUB was a small group that gathered to provide mutual support for birthparents (men and women who had surrendered children to adoption). CUB’s membership and purpose have greatly expanded since those early days, and the organization continues to evolve each year. Today, CUB members include birthparents, adoptees, adoptive parents, adoption professionals, and others affected by adoption. CUB's purposes are providing mutual support for coping with the ongoing challenges of adoption, working for adoption reform in law and social policy, preventing unnecessary family separations, assisting adoption-separated relatives in searching for family members, and educating the public about adoption issues and realities.
MUTUAL SUPPORT
People sometimes mistakenly assume the surrender of a child ends a traumatic time for birthparents and is soon forgotten—but this is far from true. Robin Winkler, in his study of birthmothers, reports that even forty years later birthparents regard the surrender of a child to adoption as the most stressful experience of their lives. He found that for half of birthparents the pain of the surrender remains as intense or intensifies over time. The loss of a child to adoption affects many areas of life, particularly marriage, subsequent children and difficulty trusting other people.
Adoptive parents frequently lack the information they need in order to assist their children with developing a healthy self identity and obtaining needed medical services. In increasing numbers, adoptive parents have joined CUB in efforts to understand the issues confronting their children. They begin to recognize that adoption is a blended family situation in which they are the nurturing parents, but that their children have birthparents. They believe that sealing their children's original birth certificates implies adoption is inadequate and must be disguised as birth. They resent this lack of respect for the authenticity of adoptive parenting. They are learning they have the right to know the other parents who love their child.
Growing up in an adoptive home is different than growing up in a family in which parents and children are genetically related. Adoptees share their love and lives with adoptive parents, but they do not share their genes and birthparent histories. Adoptees' bodies, talents, health and genes come from their birthparents. Adoptees need to know their origins and birthfamilies. This need to know does not indicate a lack of love for adoptive parents, but shows the adoptees are secure enough in their adoptive parents' love to pursue their need to know their backgrounds.
For all sides of the triad, living with adoption brings many complex and difficult challenges, and CUB offers support through such venues as monthly meetings, the CUB Communicator newsletter, an email list and a telephone network of “soft shoulders.”
ADOPTION REFORM
Many CUB members work to promote legislative and social policy changes that would require fully informing families, including single parent families, of all alternatives and services available to them. While family preservation is always the first choice, CUB recognizes that there are some parents whose situations, even with support, do not permit them to raise their children. When adoption is truly necessary, we encourage changes that would make adoption a humane and caring alternative, not a punishment. Closed adoption harms all parties by imposing secrecy on people who do not want it. We encourage openness, honesty and cooperation in adoption. Birthparents usually surrender because of a temporary lack of resources, not a lack of love. Parents unable to raise their children should have a voice in who will raise them. Denying loving parents knowledge of their children, even when their children are adults, is a cruel and unnecessary punishment that causes suffering for birthparents and their families. Birthparents' love for their children does not end at the time of their surrender.
Today, open adoptions are increasingly common. Open adoptions are an attempt to end the secrecy and shame of the closed adoption system, and a way for birth and adoptive parents to reassure their children that their birthparents are loving people. Many adoptive parents feel that knowing the birthparents as people gives the adopted child freedom from unwarranted fears about the birthparents. Knowing their history allows them to grow into whole people whose backgrounds are accepted facts, not frightening fantasies. And of course, it benefits adoptees and adoptive parents to know their medical histories and to have the assurance that up-to-date answers are available.
By denying adoptees knowledge of their origins and birth families, our society treats adults as eternal children. Like other citizens, every adoptee has a distinct genetic background and history. Yet unlike other citizens, adoptees in many states are never considered old enough to have a right to know their backgrounds. If adoption is to serve the needs of all parties, it must be changed to address people's needs at the time of surrender and placement, and throughout their lives. This means social and legal recognition of the facts that adoptees grow up, and that living with truth is healthier than living with fears and fantasies.
PREVENTION
Many CUB members live with the pain of being separated from family members and living in incomplete families. The circumstances leading to the surrender of a child are often temporary and can be overcome with caring support. A temporary lack of finances or support should not be a reason for a loving parent and child to be separated. To prevent unnecessary separations, members have welcomed young mothers and their children into their homes. By providing temporary support, we have been able to help vulnerable young families overcome temporary difficulties so they could be strong, healthy, positive families. CUB members eagerly share their own situations and feelings with young parents-to-be and their families. CUB has provided a booklet concerning the choices available to people experiencing an unplanned pregnancy because of our concern that parents be fully informed of their alternatives and choices.
SEARCH
CUB is not a search organization, but we may suggest reliable searchers, and we let members know of other search support groups in their area. Perhaps our most important service to searchers is to provide emotional support during search. We help searchers be sensitive to others' needs as they plan for contact and reunion. Members who are not close to a branch receive support and information through our newsletters, emails and phone calls with CUB leaders and members.
EDUCATION
CUB has a strong interest in educating not only adoption-affected individuals but also society in general. Many of our members and leaders volunteer their time to speak to community groups about issues relating to family separation and adoption.
WHERE CAN I GET MORE INFORMATION?
If you are interested in joining or would like additional information about CUB or literature topics available, you may visit our website at www.cubirthparents.org , contact us by e-mail, or write to CUB, Inc., PO Box 503475, San Diego, CA 92150.
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