this man makes me weak at the knees.
i believe i have an unhealthy obsession...
variety.
two of the most important people in my life:
my mother
(r.i.p. 10/16/59-7/2/06)
it's only been 9 months now that you were taken from our lives, and i remember it like it was yesterday. to be able to see your face once more and to be able to let you know how much you mean to me would be a dream come true, because i know i never let you know when you were here. im so sorry for everyday that i treated you like shit, im sorry for every harsh word that was aimed in your direction, my mouth was a gun loaded with them and you were my target, im sorry that i refused to see that you were trying to become a better person. i still dont think im ready to accept that your gone, im waiting for you to walk through that front door, waiting for the day that i'll be able to talk to you again. times weren't always bad between us, i live for the good times and good talks that we shared together. i know that you always thought there was not a person in the world that cared for you, but i want you to know that you left behind so many people who loved you and that that man took half of our hearts when he took your life. i love you with all my heart and miss you more then you'de ever know.
my brother
billy, i don't think ill ever be able to explain to you how much you mean to me, it would be nothing less then the greatest understatment. the pride i have for you barely exceeds the anger and sadness i bear against you. proud that you've become someone and something so great, that you've overcome so many obstacles and people telling you you'de always be a nobody. angry and sad, because you've left me, because i miss you so much, because i wake up each morning wondering if you've survived the night and will be able to survive the day to come. to lose you, would be to lose my life. i am now trying to overcome the same obstacles that you had to face, along with many many more. you being gone does not make it easier. all i want is for you to return home safely. i wonder if you know what it is exactly that you're fighting for, because i sure dont. although i carry anger and sadness, my love and faith in you are greater then anything. just come home soon, i don't want to worry anymore.