I felt like writing a new text because the old one has been on for too long. There's no order in the new one, I just wrote about myself what came up and it doesn't sum me up perfectly, but atleast this time I didn't try.
I 'hold' the emptiness, it embraces me with nothing, but asks nothing either, there are no demands, nothing forced on to me.. everything is left to choise and will, fill it in as you like, or leave it open like I do; and swim in the depts of a slowly colour gaining field of complete vacuum. Everything is safe in its lack of meaning, it leaves nothing but choise and interpretation.
My mind is hightly surreal; I think purely in images and cannot do other then that. Even when I'm typing these words there's a flow of colours, shapes, faces.. Even if people could mind read, they'd probably not make a lot of sense out of me, my thinking is abstract and concrete mixed together with a lot of personal connections in between and meanings. I dream in the same style, and I very much enjoy dreaming; the atmosphere the images can hold I've seen in nothing else ever.. so most of my time I spend getting all of that what lies within me out to the rest of the world, but even mixed media and all ways available can't reflect what is in here, I'm obviously striving of getting that out, wether its through painting, music or writing.
The other side to me is logic, science, reading random information for over ten hours at a time on occasion while saving all of it. I have been called encyclopedia by more then one person. I've also been officially tested and I'm intellectually gifted, I could join Mensa if I'd want that.. but I'm doubting about that currently. I enjoy reading about subjects that suddently catch my complete dedication. Some of those subjects are listed to the side, occasionally I have to search for new ones when information has run out and I've read up to the point where they are currently investigating the subjects.
Another side of me is that I always think, might have to do with not being able to shut off the images, but it goes on and on. I also live through my senses, I enjoy looking at things. I like colours like dark grey, sand colour, i'm fascinated by deserts, strange old empthy industrial buildings, fog, lighting, empthy fields of nothing but sand and a bright sun almost unpleasantly intensifying the colours. Surreal images with a strange warm pleasantness. Also the way the green of trees intensifies as the evening falls, I like mountains, I like the fog streaming through the streets at winter.
I'm also very fond of psychedelics, especially LSD. I love the visuals, the way the world folds, twists, moves, flows, the endless patterns, faces, the past connecting to the present and everything connecting to each tiny bit of everything.. both the feeling and the intense visuals. The feeling I get each time I re-enter the psychedelic world; it so strange yet familiar. I'm also somewhat a part of the psytrance scene around Amsterdam, going to a few parties a year. It took me until 2007 to realise electronic music is in fact nót all bad and after that I actually got in to it.
I'm nostalgic often, possible up to atleast 10-25% of my intire life spent in nostalgia. I might aswell bé nostalgia.
I'm also completely nocturnal, and I was born like that. From as young as my memory starts I remember looking at the clock, not falling asleep and see the clock go past 4 AM every single night. When I was 15 I actually hadn't slept a full night in months at some period in time, ofcourse that did not work and I moved to evening lessons in school and finally sleep as long as normal people do. I name it being nocturnal, but its actually called DSPS, delayed sleep phase syndrom which I got an official diagnose for, and in this morning-people-society not that easy. I do get to see sunrize every day in summer and atleast a few weeks of winter no sunlight at all so it also has its inspiring side, allows me to see yet another side and placement of elements in the world that an continue to amaze.
In between electrode clouds and the core of atoms there is nothing, its empthy yet in some way holds together. Its the nothingness, the lack of truth and meaning that keeps the world together, and allows it its creativity and uniqueness.
Also I personally enjoy life a lot, and to see many of the things it has to offer. I'm content in my daily life with the things I do but every few days or weeks I need small or bigger exitements, adventures I call them. When I want something to happen that will leave an impression, a print in my memory that has a warm after glow for weeks and refuses me to forget. My whole life to me seems like collecting the the most suitable for me memories. Whatever might happen, I'm looking forward to the beauty I can find in it, and if it lacks beauty in my eyes the contrast it brings me to see things stand out in the meaningless grey.
Other then that I might aswell end with some basics, my name is Isabelle, i'm 19 years old age, I was born in Amsterdam and I still live here and have always done so. I'm about to go and study classical music and become an opera singer en embrace the rich style of the victorian era music. My voice type is a soprano and hopefully I can go to the conservatoire of Amsterdam in a year, if not, probably the year after. In my daily life I quite often go out with friends, make music, sing, draw, write or just sit there and think; about places, images and people never to exist or have existed.
