Preface
The fantastic and sometimes unbelievable story about The Negative Whisky Routine spans over five continents, 74 countries and countless cities, from Puerto Rico to Montana. It includes an almost endless number of festivals and gigs, plus more scandals than the number that can legally be contained in a document published on the Internet. During an interview with the members of the band, the truth about the band was uncovered, including all the dark little secrets. This is the story about The Negative Whisky Routine.
(Legal disclaimer: No musicians were harmed in the writing of this biography.)
The Ultimate Trial
The first and probably most important question is where the band got its name. Here’s how it happened: After a long night of partying and drinking lots of Jägermeister, Per had a hallucination (although he prefers to call it a “vision”). In this halluci... *Ahem* In this vision, Per saw a strange figure looking an awful lot like his elementary school teacher... The figure spoke to him, telling him that he and Oskar must climb the highest mountain in Nepal to meet the ancient monk Retsiem Regäj, said to be the first guitar player in the world. Packing only some Jägermeister and a plectrum, Per and Oskar set out on the journey that would forever change their lives.
After a long climb to the top of the highest mountain in Nepal, Oskar and Per were exhausted. In their frustration, they wrote the song and lyrics to “Stairway to Heaven”, “Hotel California”, “Paint it Black” and “Like a Virgin”. They folded the notes into paper planes and threw them off the mountain. These songs ended up with other (somewhat famous) artists, but this is where they originally came from.
At the top of the mountain, they found a big temple. Inside, the old monk Retsiem Regäj welcomed them, saying they cannot become true musicians before they face the Four Trials of Death. “Then what are we waiting for?! We have groupies to seduce”, Oskar proclaimed, sipping at his Jägermeister.
After each of the four deadly trials, the duo was given a word, much like “Fångarna på Fortet”. The four words were “The”, “Negative”, “Whisky” and “Routine”. Using his education from the Royal Institute of Technology, Per added the words together: “The Negative Whisky Routine”. A legend had been born.
The Alien Pregnancy
Then came the fame and the fortune. The band was the top name on the poster for the very first Woodstock festival in 1969 and had Jimi Hendrix as a crowd warmer. This was also the year of the first manned moon landing. Some rumors persistently claim that TNWR actually helped NASA accomplish the moon landing. As a thanks from NASA, a copy of the band’s first demo has been left on the surface of the moon, so if any aliens come to visit the Earth, the songs from TNWR will be their first contact with humanity.
Feeling that Europe needs a festival like Woodstock in America, the band initiated the yearly tradition of the Roskilde festival in Denmark. The first festival was in 1971 and became an immediate success. Since then, the festival has featured several (somewhat famous) artists and bands, such as Metallica, Bob Dylan, Marilyn Manson, Green Day and more. It is said that the Negative Whisky Routine makes a secret appearance at every year’s festival, under different pseudonyms each time. In 2005, Oskar and Per appeared under the pseudonym “Khonnor”, both of them wearing animal masks. This was also a request from the festival staff, to keep the female part of the audience from passing out when seeing the famous duo. In 2002, the Negative Whisky Routine infiltrated the festival under the pseudonym “The Chemical Brothers”... “The success of the real ‘Chemical Brothers’ duo of course comes from this little gig in 2002”, Oskar explains.
The band is also known for having taught John Lennon his first three accords on the guitar. The very first accord that Mr. Lennon learned was B13b9. Thanks to the help of The Negative Whisky Routine, Lennon went on to become a (somewhat famous) artist.
Guevara's Face
Oskar also tells an interesting anecdote about when the band bumped into Che Guevara in the South American deserts. Guevara’s motorcycle had broken down in the middle of nowhere. At this particular moment, for reasons that remain unknown to this day, the band was also “in the middle of nowhere”, so they found Guevara just as he was cursing and kicking at his motorcycle. Per offered his help and expertise, and after a quick look into the engine of the motorcycle, Per removed a screw from his guitar and inserted it into the engine, which then worked just as good as new. As a token of appreciation, the band was given a flag with Guevara’s face, which was later used to mark the band’s camping at the Roskilde festival in 2001. Unfortunately the flag was stolen on the first night of the festival and was never recovered...
The Negative Whisky Routine was also responsible for getting the (somewhat famous) band “The Backstreet Boys” a record contract. The members of BSB were originally running around, playing at street corners and sniffing glue. One day, when Per and Oskar were out walking, they saw the Backstreet Boys, playing in a backstreet (hence the name of the band). Per, who was on his Jägermeister diet (“Three bottles a day keeps the doctor at bay”), accidentally mistook the noise from the Backstreet Boys as being a famous song by the Backyard Babies, and he gave them his business card. He later learned that the Backstreet Boys had used his business card to infiltrate a famous record company and that they had managed to get a record contract. Upon receiving this information, Per wrote the most depressing and tragic song he had ever written. The band decided never to record that song, in order to keep their fans from going suicidal.
Kill Your Television
During one of the Negative Whisky Routine’s many USA tours, the band stayed at the same hotel as President Bush. Since the band had booked the presidential suite, Bush had to stay in one of the smaller rooms, sharing a single bed with his four body guards. When Bush realized that he was staying at the same hotel as the famous band, he invited Per and Oskar for brunch. Per, however, had other plans and simply ignored the President’s invitation. Using his portable gas stove, he prepared pasta with pesto and tuna fish, Roskilde-style, right on the floor of the hotel room. Since the hotel room didn’t have any Jägermeister glasses, the band drank their Jägermeister straight out of the bottle, coining the famous Swedish saying “Why drink out of the glass when you can drink out of the bottle?”.
It is also well known that the band members have had relations and/or intercourse with Hillary Clinton and Laura Bush. Although the information about the actual circumstances was considered so sensitive it had to be classified by the Pentagon, but both band members claim “I did not have sex with those women”, a phrase later used quite frequently by President Clinton himself.
During a gig in England, Queen Elisabeth offered both band members the opportunity to be raised to the nobility. They were scheduled for an appointment with the queen early in the morning, but after a long night with Jägermeister, the duo overslept, missing the ceremony where they were supposed to be raised to the nobility. “I don’t mind. ‘Sir Oskar’ sounds so corny anyway” Oskar replies.
Fatum Iustum Stultorum
The two members of The Negative Whisky Routine are also known for being the only two living persons who have dissed every single member of the (somewhat famous) band “The Spice Girls”. The comment from the Negative Whisky Routine was that the Spice Girls simply didn’t have enough “spice”...
The band was also voted “The best live band of all times” in Rolling Stones Magazine. “It’s nice to finally be recognized for all the live performances we’ve made”, Oskar says.
The Negative Whisky Routine is also the only band in the world to have performed onboard the International Space Station (ISS). After the gig, a female astronaut, who prefers to remain anonymous, invited Oskar for some “zero gravity sex”. Oskar declined, claiming he had already “been there, done that”...
Prof. B.G. Mozsi
Doctor of Nuclear Physics & Ölhäfv
