The Real Johnny Guns

Nobody is really sure where Johnny Guns comes from. Scholars will tell you that he is the illegitimate son of Sylvester Stallone and Diana Ross. Rhodes Scholars will tell you that he was born on Halloween under a full moon on the south side of Chicago to twin French maids and someone who bore a striking resemblance to Vinnie Barbarino. Yet some believe he is a direct descendant of the great Antonio Pisa (mainly because when he is fully erect he leans to the left…that is depending on where you are standing.) Most of Johnny’s childhood still remains a mystery. However, it is known that he was left in a picnic basket on the steps of a Chicago brothel where he was raised by a collective unit of transient hookers. Johnny made his way west to Las Vegas in 1992. Not having a mode of transportation Johnny hitchhiked across the country. He was given many a ride by many a woman. The only way he could repay their kindness was by giving them a ride of his own. He soon found that he had a special talent for pleasing the ladies. Not even a year living in Las Vegas he became known locally as “The Big Bull.” Or as the casino housekeeping staff would say, “El Toro Macho.” In 1996 Johnny became known nationwide when he made it to the top ten list of Lust Weekly’s 50 most bangable men. Johnny reached international fame in 2000 when they actually dropped his balls in Time Square to mark the turn of the century. Since then Johnny has been modeling underwear, personal training, wiener dog ranching, making guest appearances to many a bachelorette party, and of course making love to the ladies. Until recently Johnny was content with just doing and doing and doing his thing, but the wife of a prominent Hollywood producer convinced him to share his expertise with the public…and thus, The Gun Show was created.