Friday, August 10, 2007
FUCK.
This can get somewhat out of hand. All I want to do is type nasty words. Usually my first reaction to a bad situation is profanity. And I am truly bummed. Yeah this is bad.
Today at 2:54PM, I learned that Tony Wilson lost his bout with cancer. Those four letters at the top couldn't have come out of my mouth any quicker.
I've never seen friend, family or foe afflicted with cancer. I've never felt that loss on a personal level. Frankly, I pray I never do. I can only imagine how terrible it must be. A life truly disappearing in front of your eyes. So in order for me to continue to put this loss in perspective, I have to constantly ask WHY? and sprinkle in a few "shits" or "fucks" along the way. That's how I deal.
Without further adieu - what the fuck is cancer? Seriously. How long has cancer been in existence? Why haven't we beaten the shit out of it yet? Listen, I'm not trying to strike a nerve here, but if we can grow a human ear on the back of a lab rat, I would think we can discover the cure for most of the body snatching agents that devour our loved ones every gosh darn day. No?
Oh sure, they try to tell me there's a Cancer Conspiracy out there. Who are THEY? Stay at home weird beards that sit in their skivvies, watch every episode of The Matrix, and eat Captain Crunch all hours of the day? You know...professionals. On paper [or the internet] it looks brilliant. Cancer is a BIG business man. It's a multi-billion dollar business to be exact - bigger than the porn industry. Bigger than Jesus. Wow. I guess it's very logical and reasonable to think that without cancer there would be thousands upon thousands of people without jobs. And so much money lost. So why not slow the discovery down to a snail's pace...right? And we'll charge an exorbitant amount of cash for the drugs that seem to help [or not] your fragile state.
That's horseshit!
Well the exorbitant priced drugs statement is true. But that's another messed up issue entirely for another time.
Like I said a few words back, I've never seen a real person with this disease but if photos count, there's no way in hell that that many professionals in the "know" would let so many suffer as a result of it. Would they? If so, we truly live in a fucked up world.
I didn't know Mr. Wilson. Wish I did. There are people out there in the music industry and beyond that I credit for much of my career. I guess you can call them heroes or idols or whatever. Their lives inspired me in some fashion to chase my love of music. Today's loss prevents me from telling one of them - thanks. Thanks for their accomplishments, influence and/or guidance.
I was thirteen when I first heard New Order (1983). Loved them. Props to my uncle for that one. He always followed the "hip" music scene back then and turned me on to many of the Brit bands that I still enjoy today.
I did eventually discover Joy Division for myself not long after. Talk about a total take over. When I bought the album Closer in the mid 80's, it engulfed most of my music discovery. I couldn't stop listening to it. Transformation city. I think that's when my dad became concerned with my wellness. A song like "Atrocity Exhibition" blaring from your kid's room would have any parent up in arms. Very dark. Don't even get me started on "Isolation". Stop/Rewind/Play. Stop/Rewind/Play. Stop/Rewind/Play. Spending countless hours in my bedroom listening to that cassette nonstop really kicked out a new beginning for my musical fascinations. I needed to know everything about this band.
Think about it, we didn't have the internet. We didn't have the media immediacy like we do now. We were left to our own devices. Rudimentary research techniques. You'd go the extra distance ONLY if you were motivated to learn more about your favorite bands. It wasn't easy. There was real work behind it. In some ways, I wish it were back to those basics. It seems like music meant more in those days when you had to work for it. Surely that was true for Tony and that was much of his M.O. He went the distance. That guy was obviously fueled by the passion and love of music.
Well I was fortunate enough to meet Tony Wilson at SxSW a few years ago. He was randomly sitting in the lobby at the Four Seasons there in Austin TX. Yeah I was star struck. No I am not a starfucker either. Although, I do admit that I get very excited about the prospect of meeting some of my so-called heroes.
Ironically, I was reading 24 Hour Party People: What The Sleeve Notes Never Tell You and decided I wanted to say hi and have him sign my book. I sprinted up to my hotel room on the sixth floor to grab it. Feet don't fail me now. In those situations, time seems to slow down so much. Damn. It felt like forever to complete this task. I was zoning. What will I say to him? What should be the first question? Should I even lead with a question? Maybe he'll ask me to sit down...have a real conversation. Shit, we work in the same business. This is gonna be cool!
I was trying to get comfortable. I even snubbed Lyle Lovett, who was riding the elevator back down to the lobby with me. A moment I realized AFTER my meeting with Wilson. My brain works that way. I was so nervous or maybe it was excitement.
Anyway I got out of the elevator, turned the corner and Tony was gone. He was not sitting in the sofa chair anymore. What the fuck! Dude I ran that shit in record time. My heart truly sank. It was more about the act of meeting him than it was about the silly little book. Why didn't I just go up and introduce myself first, then ask if he would like to sign my book later. Oh well.
I made a quick circle around the lobby just in case. No luck. But then, out of the corner of my eye I saw this tall guy in a long khaki overcoat styled jacket exiting the Four Seasons. It was Tony! I tried to calmly hustle my way after him. Something tells me that if I had security access to the hotel's surveillance cameras, my hustle and bustle would look completely ridiculous. Honestly, I probably looked like a big f'ing dork.
For a second, I almost backed out too. I really felt like I was forcing the situation at this point. It wasn't going to feel natural anymore. Uh oh...shrinkage! I'm bailing.
Wait. Should I call his name?
"Excuse me Tony...!" [ahhh there's my balls again...]
He turned and immediately greeted me with a suspicious smile, his eyes peering over the rims of his glasses. The same look I see in countless pictures, that sort of swagger or posturing. So cool and collected. It put me at ease pretty quick.
I showed him the book and he chuckled, "...where did you get this?" Sort of confused, I told him I picked it up on Amazon.com. "Ah yes", he said.
I was still confused. Is it not readily available? I didn't think it was a collector's piece. Was it out of print? Whatever. My head was so far up my ass, I was clueless to the entire conversation. I can't believe that I am standing face to face with THE Tony Wilson.
I'd be lying if I told you that we chatted for a few minutes. Literally, this encounter lasted no more than 53 seconds. Pretty damn brief. But he was so gracious.
I had so much I wanted to say, but instead I kept thanking him for signing the stupid book. I'M AN IDIOT.
Now I am pissed that I just relived that moment again. Shit.
Fuck you cancer! You took away another good soul. Could you be a bit more discriminating next time?
On a side note, I'm not a very religious guy but if you believe in life after death, wouldn't it be interesting to think that he is meeting up with Curtis, Gretton, and Hannett at some point??? What would they talk about? I do think about silly things like that. I'm hopeful that there is something exciting after we leave this place. It's hard to fathom that you just shut down. Your whole existence as you know it - your thoughts, memories, etc just vanish. YIKES. That's definitely another conversation. Maybe we'll discuss that topic over drinks. That's a drinking topic for sure.
Do I want to end this piece with the typical imparting of words that comes with these unfortunate circumstances? Nah. Again I didn't know Mr. Wilson. We all knew of him and his contribution to the UK music world - most importantly Madchester. He was important. And yes it is very sad indeed. To quote another Manc band's song, "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out" is not so far off. His work will continue to inspire FOREVER.
Maybe I'll just leave you with the words that he left with me on that crazy day in Austin Texas...it may not make the most sense in this context, but in some ways, matched with Tony's wit and music ideology, these parting words hold true on so many levels in today's musical climate...
"A purchaser is better than a lover!" - Tony Wilson, March 2003
Rest in peace Mr. AHW
all photos by phillipe carly (except where noted)
Athlete Doves Adam & The Ants AbsentStar AC/DC Field Music Aberfeldy A Flock Of Seagulls Augustana Rilo Kiley Clinic Clor New Pornographers Neko Case The 1900s Generation X The 101ers The Stills Ryan Adams Ben Kweller Ben Lee The Bens Elefant Big Buildings Peachcake The Futureheads The Beta Band Sex Pistols Tori Amos Beat Happening Beck Björk The Boo Radleys Blur Gorillaz Camper Van Beethoven Nick Cave Depeche Mode Dinosaur Jr. Green Day PJ Harvey Hüsker Dü Jane's Addiction The Jesus and Mary Chain Meat Puppets Ministry Morrissey My Bloody Valentine New Order Nine Inch Nails Nirvana Oasis Big Star Billy Idol Pavement Pearl Jam Liz Phair Pixies My Morning Jacket Pulp Radiohead
THE CURE
Bad Brains Bauhaus Beastie Boys The Beautiful South Belle & Sebastian Belly Tom Vek Big Black Billy Bragg The Breeders Jeff Buckley Butthole Surfers The Cardigans Cat Power The Charlatans UK 120 Days The Church Cocteau Twins Counting Crows Cowboy Junkies Cracker Annuals Kings Of Leon The Cramps The Cranberries Crowded House The Black Keys Black Mountain Black Rebel Motorcycle Club The Avalanches Blackbud Blitzen Trapper The dB's Dido Dirty Three Dream Syndicate Roxy Music Duran Duran Graham Coxon Elastica Faith No More Fastbacks Fishbone The Flaming Lips The Most Serene Republic Ben Folds Five Foo Fighters Fugazi Galaxie 500 The Go-Betweens Guided by Voices Gun Club Happy Mondays Jason Collett Jont Tunng Keane Kasabian The Soft Boys Robyn Hitchcock Jawbreaker The La's Hadouken The Lemonheads
THE SMITHS (photo stephen wright)
(Smog) Soul Asylum Soundgarden Jon Spencer Blues Explosion Buzzcocks Cabaret Voltaire Calexico Jesse Malin Calla Shout Out Louds CAN The Spinanes Spiritualized Stereolab Stone Temple Pilots Sugar Super Furry Animals The Candy Skins Canyon Long-View Captain The Cars Superchunk Bob Marley The Boy Least Likely To The Chemical Brothers Thousand Yard Stare Tears For Fears Supergrass Matthew Sweet Teenage Fanclub Temple of the Dog The The Daft Punk Eels The Who Elbow The Zutons The Coral They Might Be Giants The Album Leaf All Night Radio Aloha Eliott Smith Earlimart The Sea & Cake AM/FM American Analog Set TV On The Radio Ambulance Ltd. Ampop Throwing Muses Tindersticks Be Bop Deluxe Be Your Own Pet Dungen South The Specials Duels The Wombats The Beach Boys Beachwood Sparks The Tyde Bearsuit Guillemots The Strokes Tortoise The Ramones Unrest U.S. Maple Poor Rich Ones The Vaselines Velvet Crush The Waterboys The English Beat Madness Engineers Fields. The Undertones Underworld Ween X The Cult The Housemartins Chin Up Chin Up The Ms Cast
THE REPLACEMENTS (photo hank grebe)
Electronic Paul Westerberg Dios Malos Kiss The Kooks Dizzee Rascal José Gonzalez Bande Do Role The Beatles The Rolling Stones The Dears Arcade Fire The Streets Luna Junip Dorian Taj The Veils Touriste The Mekons The Mission UK Frida Hyvönen Orange Juice Prosaics Portastatic The Pogues Love Spit Love Magic Numbers Merz Sigur Ros MIA Todd Rundgren Utopia Nazz Henry Rollins Babyshambles The Libertines Dirty Pretty Things Elvis Costello Band Of Horses Battle Black Flag Descendents Delays Del Fuegos Tralala
JOY DIVISION
The Smashing Pumpkins Sonic Youth The Stone Roses Suede 10,000 Maniacs U2 Violent Femmes Weezer Yo La Tengo The Afghan Whigs The Twilight Singers Agent Orange Alice in Chains American Music Club Fiona Apple The Auteurs The Police Aztec Camera Let's Active Low Lush Manic Street Preachers Aimee Mann Massive Attack Mercury Rev Memphis Midnight Oil The Mighty Mighty Bosstones Minutemen The Longcut Bob Mould Mudhoney Peter Murphy No Doubt Sinéad O'Connor Beth Orton Pale Saints Primal Scream Pussy Galore Rancid The Pernice Brothers The Red Hot Chili Peppers Red House Painters Ride Royal Trux Sebadoh Michelle Shocked Skinny Puppy Sleater-Kinney Slint
THE CLASH
Florence And The Machine Little Name Alina Simone Ezra Furman & The Harpoons Spaceman 3 The Sugarcubes Missing Persons Mock Turtles Sunny Day Real Estate Uncle Tupelo Wilco The Shins Rogue Wave Nada Surf The Little Ones Urge Overkill The Panda Band M. Ward Against Me! Josh Quinn John Vanderslice Off Broadway The Alarm Catfish Haven Cazals The Changes ALL Ash Saul Williams Archers Of Loaf Bad Religion Bettie Serveert Big Audio Dynamite Black Grape Sara Bareilles Kelsey Wild MuteMath The Magic Numbers Snowglobe Imperial Teen Art In Manila Azure Ray Maria Taylor Orenda Fink
THE VERVE (photo by ???)
Marvin Gaye Justice St. Vincent House + Parish Hard-Fi The Dead 60s Franz Ferdinand Hope Of The States Frank Black PiL Buffalo Tom Bratmobile Built To Spill The Maccabees Cold War Kids Turbo Fruits Surrounded Catherine Wheel The Chameleons UK Editors Chapterhouse Aqualung Lloyd Cole Edwyn Collins Arizona Jennifer Gentile The Kooks Digitalism Kenickie LIARS Gallows Belaire Black Before Red Brakes British Sea Power The Cinematic Orchestra Memphis Magazine Maroon 5 Brendan Benson Bright Eyes The Connells Los Campesinos! Sara Lov
BADLY DRAWN BOY (photo by ???)
Julian Cope Howling Bells Humanzi I Am Kloot Teardrop Explodes Ian McCulloch Cornershop Joe Strummer & The Mescaleros Tim Armstrong Cajun Dance Party The Teenagers The Metros Siouxsie & The Banshees Hadouken Cheap Trick The Creatures Curve The Pipettes The Dandy Warhols The Brian Jonestown Massacre Black Sabbath Grateful Dead The Wombats Dappled Cities Led Zepplin The Dead Milkmen Bloc Party The Cribs The Divine Comedy Eleventh Dream Day Freer OFFICE Lily Allen Mark Ronson Amy Winehouse The Horrors The National Fleetwood Mac Hall & Oates The Fratellis The Cinematics Illinois The Aliens Bonde Do Role Pete Townshend Susanne Sundfør Motocade Pete And The Pirates The Good The Bad & The Queen
R.E.M. (photo by ???)
The Posies Poi Dog Pondering Erasure Everything But The Girl David Ford The Frames Maximo Park The Feelies Gang Of Four New Sense Garbage Gene The Godfathers The Golden Palominos Grant Lee Buffalo David Gray Guadalcanal Diary John Wesley Harding Juliana Hatfield Blake Babies Hoodoo Gurus The House Of Love Inspiral Carpets Love & Rockets James The Jazz Butcher Jesus Jones Killing Joke Kitchens Of Distinction Longwave The Lightning Seeds Stiff Little Fingers The Lilac Time Luscious Jackson Mazzy Star The Mighty Lemon Drops Withdrawal
ECHO & THE BUNNYMEN
Moose Morphine Peter Murphy Ned's Atomic Dustbin No Doubt The Ocean Blue The Germs Oingo Boingo Office Elton John Pere Ubu Portishead Porno For Pyros Pizzicato Five Pop Will Eat Itself The Wonder Stuff The Primitives New Fast Automatic Daffodils The Pursuit Of Happiness Rage Against The Machine Redd Kross Jellyfish The Format Shudder To Think Simple Minds The Sisters Of Mercy Sloan Slowdive Social Distortion
LOU REED
Soul Coughing Epic Soundtracks Swell Maps Swell Soup Dragons !!! (chk chk chk) Sparklehorse Spoon The Sundays Swervedriver Television Suicide Snow Patrol Division Day Birdmonster Tones On Tail The Cobbs Trash Can Sinatras Ultra Vivid Scene Adorable Circle Jerks Peter Bjorn & John Velocity Girl Wedding Present Wire The Fall Iggy Pop Justine Electra The Wolfgang Press World Party Cities Apples In Stereo Beulah Magnetic Fields Electrelane Maps The Long Blondes Coyote Bones Battles Shakes
XTC
Elf Power Neutral Milk Hotel Broken Social Scene Stars Metric Richard Ashcroft Coldplay Arctic Monkeys LCD Soundsystem Menswear Shack Travis Sleeper Embrace Geneva Gay Dad Gomez Mansun Marion Hurricane ..1 Placebo Reef Shed Seven S*M*A*S*H Superstar These Animal Men Lavender Diamond The Jam Paul Weller Silversun Pickups Portugal. The Man The Lodger Northside The Farm The Isles The Hollow Men Flowered Up Interpol Queen The Little Ones Blood Red Shoes Luke Temple Art Brut Airiel Pelican
THE PSYCHEDELIC FURS
Secret Machines Sia The Fever Yeah Yeah Yeahs Dead Radar OMD Velvet Underground The Spinto Band Human League Expatriate Polytechnic The Sunshine Underground Maritime Komakino David Bowie Evan Dando The Walkmen Tapes n Tapes The Kinks The Pretenders The Awkward Stage The Concretes Ted Leo | Pharmacists Rumble Strips Carina Round Mogwai Nitzer Ebb New Young Pony Club Arab Strap Canasta Apartment Poole Bruce Springsteen Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers Clearlake The Cloud Room The Earlies Dogs Die In Hot Cars Easyworld Feist Islands Fra Lippo Lippi The Go! Team Gold Rush Goldspot