Alice Zombie

introverted hermit starving to find what i want.. so i can strive to get it.. i miss people being around but not just anyone i think this time around ill try and choose people i actually feel are respectable and admirable . when your life is so much like limbo you tend to have a lot of time to make yourself worse.. so i hope something happens soon to snap me back into something resembling a real life.. im not fond of asking people for help but i need it now and no ones here. . funny huh? guess i always needed help but i waited till it got so bad i couldnt resist choking on my pride and searching for it.. are you out there?.. will i find you?. . ive become increasingly upset by total strangers trying to persuade me to sleep with them. . dont get me wrong i love sex.. maybe too much.. but it has never once been my initial thought upon seeing someone for the first time so .. im sorry i cant relate to you.. the drastic mood changes from one extreme to another are proving to be more a problem than ever.. so have the delusions and grandious desires to help people.. i still havent found out how i choose them but. . my life seems to revolve around wanting to put my wasted time to good use. . and ive decided that good use is aiding people with their personal problems.. but i do this in such an intensive way that in the end i seem to drive the person out of my life entirely after helping them or sometimes in the middle of doing so.. my sociopathic nature has seemingly gotten better but i still lean towards looking at people as objects .. mind you very special ones.. i would still love to know what it feels like to think differently. i believe it is the key to the first door on my way down a long hallway to feeling better and just in general being able to relate to people better.. im just adding things as i go.. so well see how this progresses when i return