Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. - Charles Bukowski

Since everyone (including bots) seems to be confused by the internets, let's start with a list of things I'm not. I do not have a penis. I'm not skinny. (Not even close.) My teeth are not perfectly white. I'm not Asian. I don't like most typical "girl" stuff. I don't give a shit about your webcam. Do I know you? Then why are you adding me? Refer back to the above list and make sure that's the person you'd like to talk to, because although I am phenomenal, I won't live up to the fantasies in your head.

I'm a genius. Savante. A nothing. An everything. A five year-old kid trapped in an adult's body. A sex kitten. A comedienne. I'm a witty, sarcastic fuck who uses reason more than rhyme. A rocket scientist who chooses not to practice the art of rocket scientry. I have no soul, and if there's any such thing as karma, then in a past life I must have been a serial killer. I am everything you ever wanted but never wanted to look twice at. Your saving grace and more. Whatever, leave me alone.

Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly.

I spent most of my life in Southern California but had to flee. Unfortunately I ended up in a place that seems to be inhabited by people with no fucking taste buds, because there is not much in the way of real ethnic food here. Still, there's an abundance of trees, so I'll let it slide for the time being. I was initially scared to move here because I thought a lot of the people would be racist, Bush-supporting religiophiles, but I recognize that there are few places left in this country where you can escape their wrath, anyway. I don't mind religious people, as long as they're not secretly homophobic hateful freaks, pretending we can all just get along while salivating for the day the pile of dead Muslims officially gets high enough to reach heaven and make a suitable staircase for Jesus to walk down and cleanse us all. And, in case you were wondering, I actually have equal respect for all religions: None at all.

I have lots of pictures of animals on here, and I love my animals, but let's make this clear: Animals are not miniature humans, and I don't use them to replace people in my life. If you're wondering why I don't spend more time with you, it's probably because I dislike humans in general, not because I have to go dress my ferret up in a ball gown and have a freakin' tea party.

And now, let the informalities begin.

Hi, my name is Mindy. I am a deep person, always trying to help others and never afraid to take on a boycott. True story. Sometimes I feel like Debbie Downer on SNL, she's always talkin' about real-world issues and the music is all "woh woh" because she's bringing everyone in the room down. But fuck those escapist tards, THERE'S AN OCCUPATION GOING ON, PEOPLE. For serious. Shit. You need to get some priorities other than which myspace slut you're going to tap tonight. Did I say that out loud? Fuck.

Revolutionize. Be a better person. Read some fucking books. That and a fistful of zen will get you farther in life than a fancy car and some bling that cost some African kids their arms. Recognize. I'm about to break this shit.

"Albert Camus wrote that the only serious question is whether to kill yourself or not. Tom Robbins wrote that the only serious question is whether time has a beginning and an end... There is only one serious question. And that is: Who knows how to make love stay? Answer me that and I will tell you whether or not to kill yourself." -Still Life With Woodpecker

Add me online: Shocked Awe | Flickr | Yahoo! | .. teh dude rules

"You must BE the change you wish to see in this world." -Gandhi

"The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person." -Invisible Monsters

"I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not tell a lie; I can, but I won't." -Mark Twain

"Only a life lived for others is a life worth while." -Albert Einstein

"Success, recognition, and conformity are the bywords of the modern world where everyone seems to crave the anesthetizing security of being identified with the majority." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

"I'm breaking my attachment to physical power and possessions, because only through destroying myself can I discover the greater power of my spirit." -Tyler Durden

"Few are those who can see with their own eyes and hear with their own hearts." -Albert Einstein

"When she was a small girl, Amanda hid a ticking clock in an old rotten tree trunk. It drove woodpeckers crazy. Ignoring tasty bugs all around them, they just about beat their brains out trying to get at the clock. Years later, Amanda used the woodpecker experiment as a model for understanding capitalism, Communism, Christianity and all other systems that traffic in future rewards rather than in present realities." -Another Roadside Attraction

Offended by people who call Bush a nazi? Read The 14 Points of Fascism . And weep.

This is what happens to peaceful anti-war protesters in America.

"The Christian Right always throws around this term 'the liberal elite.' I keep thinking to myself... What's more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven?" - Jon Stewart

"The mills of the TV preachers continue to grind and the poor continue to finance the rich, just as if the glittering temples and palaces of Las Vegas had been built by the money of those who won rather than those who lost." - Christopher Hitchens

"When a species fails to find its purpose, it dies, or destroys itself." - La Revolte de la Terre