I was born at a very young age.
I have two ears, one on each side of my head.
I have a toenail on the end of my penis.
I have a Wonder Woman vagina.
If I see you walking down the street, be aware that I may run up to you and start licking your eyebrows.
Abraham Lincoln once sprang from my toilet.
Sometimes I keep dead cats in my freezer next to the Popsicles.
Contrary to popular belief, I do not eat poop.
I eat grapes off of the wallpaper.
One time I went to an orgy and just sat in the back and watched.
The Ones That Matter
My mom- I'm not sure she knows it, but she is the person I love most in the world. We've been through a lot together and we will always be there for each other. She is my best friend. I can act like an idiot around her and she can never quite get sick of me. I always know she's proud of me and she is the sole reason I look forward so much to having a family of my own.
Taylor Sladek- I met her back in 4th grade. For a long time we were literally inseparable. We were pretty much the closest friends you could ever meet. We pretty much have everything in common and we never fought. She will always be my best friend. But, sadly, I haven't gotten to see her for about 2 years and we haven't stayed in touch that much. When I get a car and find out where she lives, I'll be there in a second.
Preslee Postlewaite- We started hanging out a few years ago. I don't get to hang out with her that often either, because we usually aren't in Medford on the same weekend. But, she's the strangest, funniest, coolest chick I've ever met and she's so much fun to be around. And sometimes we like to get drunk and cry about things.
Todd Bennett- My brother. My first sibling ever. I remember when he was born how amazing it was. Now he's 5, and he can be a big pain a lot of times, but I love him and I would do anything for him. He makes me want to be a good person, a good role model, and a cool big sister. I can already tell he looks up to me. That makes me feel proud.
Kira Bennett- My baby sister. She's 2 now and she can't get enough of me and my mom. She's the sweetest, cutest little girl you'll ever meet and I love her to death. She's going to grow up and marry a really nice boy, I know it. And she looks up to both of her siblings. Kira's always going to be the family baby and she's always going to be the cute, sweet little girl she is now.
I like to eat buttsex sandwiches.
