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Matt Taylor
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Matt Taylor (1994-2009) lived a rather dull and uninteresting existence. During the duration of his life, the first balloon flew around the world and the Mad-Cow Disease spread through Europe and Britain. None of these significant events are attributed to him. It can be said he improved the lives of nobody and is quite unworthy of mention. Taylor had no burning ambition to achieve anything. Nothing it experienced is profoundly note-worthy.
Matt TAYRAAAAAAWR was born one stormy night in the bottom of a river. He did the usual things a chair does: eat, sleep and play dead amongst other things. One of his favourite past times was in fact talking smack. He loved talking smack to authority figures. This typically involved calling them names, or insulting their wife, husband, sister, father, dog, cat, duck, car etc.
Starting to grow tired of the same re-runs shown on television everyday, even though MATT TAYRAA didn’t own a television, a disheartened MADDEHHH decided to visit its local cinema. With hatred of a thousand drowning puppies it finally agreed to itself on High School Musical 3. In return, however, musical chair was allowed to consume many bottles of awesomesauce - which it was quite okay with. MATTCHANPOTATODESU secretly loved every minute of High School Musical.
A letter arrived for Matt one morning. Inside, it found an invitation to a poker tournament to be held at Crown Casino. Infuriated, as musical chair was a devoted Buddhist, it decided to break the rules “just this once”. Wearing large Terminator glasses and discreet pink parachute pants, a hip musical chair was taken into the backroom for punishment. To this day no-one knows why, however it can be presumed that it was because of musical chair’s innate ability to fly around the room and roundhouse kicked everyone in the face. Matt Taylor later became an avid drug dealer.
Asked to a cock fight by a large Puerto Rican man, Matt Taylor became acquainted with violence. To test its superior chair swinging abilities, it proceeded to clobber the living day lights out of anybody dumb, slow , drunk, mute or Persian enough to get in the way. That is the way musical chair liked it. MATTCHAN was arrested on numerous counts.
Whilst playing its favourite game, Grand Theft Auto, musical chair stumbled upon the meaning of life – money > everything else. This intrigued it, as women had a fun rating of 10, (Fun = Dangers * (Robots+Balls)) and they were most certainly a lot of fun. Matteeeh decided to try his luck on the street corner that night. He did not make any money.
During an end of term class party he had just crashed due to money problems, matty :) received large amounts of abuse from a number of authorities. Frustrated with the lack of support, it started to read the dictionary in hopes of enlightenment. Much later, maaaatt returned with an assorted variety of firearms. No-one dared sending TEH AWSUMMM DOOD to timeout.
After burning his bread on one of the many days in September, many analogies were produced comparing this event to the warming of the earth. OVER 9000! were consequently destroyed. The remaining analogy read as follows: The Earth may be getting hotter. But if I burn my toast, I don’t blame the bread. From this, mattchan concluded the sun is getting hotter and Earth is getting stupider.
During his later years, mattchan was promised live entertainment in the form of stand-up comedy. He was largely disappointed as he did not understand any jokes. Just translating into a series of 1’s and 0’s proved to be more of a challenge than mattchan had expected, eventually ending in tears. The term “Emo” has been used ever since.
Mattchanpotatodesu died on June 16, 2009. There was nothing to continue the family business.
BECAUSE HE WAS A FUCKING POTATO LOL
Don't steal my writin yo