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www.emmalineaustere.com


I am Emmaline Austere. The famous Victorian novelist.

What am I doing here in the 21 st Century? You may well ask. Believe me, I asked the same thing. And I can assure you, it's not through choice.

As the papers seem to have made my tragic and unfortunate story into some sort of a national spectacle; I may as well leave it up to them to tell you my heartbreaking story (though I have no doubt you have read all about it already).

Yours FaithfullyBEST SELLING VICTORIAN AUTHOR RE-APPEARS IN 2007

A new children's author, has been discovered in the salty sea-side town of Scarborough. No one knows where she came from but speculations and research (and the starchy Victorian dresses) have led us to believe that 1888 might be a distinct possibility.

Not your ordinary writer, Miss Austere first appeared amongst the dying embers of last year. Several sightings have since been registered but most reports suggest that Miss Austere seems both ‘lost' and ‘troubled'. Her dress sense which was originally perceived as being ‘unusual' ‘wacky' and ‘down right odd' has now become the biggest clue as to what is fast becoming the talk of the town.

Although Miss Austere claims to be a best selling author, there are no records of any writer using the same name unless we go right back to the late Victorian era. Could this woman really be the very same Emmaline Austere and if so how will 2007 take to her? Or more importantly how will she take to 2007?

The eccentric Emmaline's first book is due for release in late spring; Angelica Evangeline Bartholomew's Book of Ugly follows the story of Angelica a spoilt little Victorian girl who gets a camera for Christmas instead of the Deadly Horntail Viper she had asked for. The camera is an unwanted gift until Angelica realises that she can have lots of fun photographing Whitechapel's ugliest people, starting with her own Grandma during their yearly visit up to the attic!

Angelica moves onto a sooty-skinned chimney sweep, a fish-fragrant fishmonger and a poor employee from her Father's Workhouse. With thirteen pages to fill in her Book of Ugly, the question is; who will be unlucky enough to take the place of portrait thirteen?

Is flame haired author Emmaline Austere destined to become a big hit with children and adults alike? We watch with keen interest. With undercurrents of Roald Dahl and Lemony Snicket this sober young lady is deliciously dark and accomplishedly absurd. Already rumoured to be the next big thing, it has been reported that JK Rowling herself is quite literally shaking in her boots*

* For legal reasons I must point out that this might not be strictly true.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Daniel Handler. If I really must remain in these modern times then I would allow this young gentleman to take me out for dinner. I'm looking for the Mr Rochester's of this world. Are there any of you out there? Perhaps when time slipped through my fingers I wasn't the only one? You modern men dress so... so...I suppose I should be careful not to offend...

Anyone with knowledge of time travel, or with the ability to build me a time travelling machine so that I can escape this dreadful, 21st Century world and return to 1888. A one way ticket will surfice. My family miss me. I'm sure.

My Blog

THE CLEARLY DEPARTED

I had Martha make Tobias a new outfit and it must be said that, after several long soaks in 'Scrubber's Industrial Strength Bubble Bath - for particularly mucky individuals' my little chimney sweep lo...
Posted by on Fri, 08 Jun 2007 06:42:00 GMT

APRIL FOOL

Yes, yes so you got me. Amusing? I can assure you that it was not. For one glorious moment this morning I thought the my terrible time trauma had somehow been reversed all thanks to a copy of The Vi...
Posted by on Fri, 08 Jun 2007 06:39:00 GMT

"TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK" SAID THE GRANDFATHER CLOCK

Another year further away from 1888. I can't even see my family with a Super Strength Telescope now they are that far back in history. And I've got good eyesight. The dentist told me so.
Posted by on Mon, 05 Feb 2007 02:24:00 GMT

IT'S PARTY TIME!

Today I ended up at a ghastly backstage party at the BBC Centre in London. It was for a good cause (Children in Need) and although the night got off to a predictable start with lots of terribly dresse...
Posted by on Fri, 26 Jan 2007 07:54:00 GMT

MISS CECILY; A DISAGREEABLE GHOST

Miss Cecily has been slamming doors again. She has proven to be a most frightful lodger of late  not to mention extremely demanding, I would have hated to have seen her when she was alive. She will n...
Posted by on Fri, 26 Jan 2007 07:50:00 GMT

CAN SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE?

I can still not fathom for the life of me how I got to this dreadful time. Everytime I write in this diary I start to write '1888' and then it all floods back to me. Or rather it doesn't. I remember v...
Posted by on Fri, 26 Jan 2007 07:48:00 GMT

EMMALINE'S VERY FIRST BLEAKER BLOG

I was minding my own business today and pacing thoughtfully along my west wing hallway when one of my dear head mounts decided to take a piece out of the ferret fur around my neck. Frightful thing. Th...
Posted by on Fri, 26 Jan 2007 07:45:00 GMT