**chorus**
Body drained and I have not eaten
Thoughts of remorse but no one hears me speak'n
I'm lien to myself
But I have one question
Why why why why
**
Amused by the fact that my life is a lie
One that is played out but have no clue as to why
Why I've done what I've done and going to do what I do
I sit back and laugh at my past and smile about my future
Nothing gets to me
But, I do have lots of anger
Maybe I need to let that pistol go off just to hear the gun shots
See the smoke clear and notice that I didn't miss
I hit the past in the head, but I was aiming for the present
But my future is still open with out any wounds
So I guess that there is more to this joke that I was laughing from
And yet I can't see what it is that lays in front of me
So I sit back and just dream of thee
Seeing the clouds up above that are so blue
With the picket fence, the dog, the house, and my husband to be
My perfection dream of what I would like my life to be
With the dream job, some good ass kids, and a pimped out ride
But everything that you dream up is not what it looks like inside
And all that looks perfect is just as evil as this thought
The thought of killing my past or wishing death upon my present
My past is what made me, and only I control I
I am so fed up with the lies
The lies that I have told or the lies that I hear
The lie of my life being something that it's not
It wasn't
And might never be
Now my anger is building up with all these thoughts
Might as well punch the wall and damage myself
The being of my life is no one's fault but my own
I might of gotten hurt and tumbled, but never will I stumble
And what's the point of shooting another mutha fucka in the head
If I'm the one that's ganna deal with the pain
Of the loss with no gain
My past is gone and unfix able
But the present is happening and I have all control for what the future holds
Might not be my dream of perfection
But I made it over the rock
Now I'm trying to climb over that mountain
They say that only the greatest get to see what lies on the other side
That is
Unless you saw a picture
Or listened to the words recorded by those that were behind the camera
I've heard that only the strong survive
But yet somehow the worst can make it to the top
And I'm ganna be the one that's behind the camera
Because now you hear these words that I have thought
And I'm still laughing about all that has happened
Because tears I do not cry
But that pistol hides my angry inside
**repeat chorus**
Body drained and I have not eaten
Thoughts or remorse but no one hears me speaken
I'm lien to myself
But I got one question
Why why why why
**
The paper and the pen release the tension that I hold with in
Never do I emotionally have to let it escape
The mind plays a tune, and the mouth sings along
As the pen jots down the lyrics that roll off my tongue
The greatest feeling is the release of all of this emotion
Take away my hand, and you might as well just take my heart
Working out or playn games releases none of this strain
My brain will just keep on flowin
So, my thoughts keep on moving, and my pens keep running out
My notebooks went from 100 to 10
Now look at all these poems that are to be read
8Ball said it best talking about caressing empty pages
Making love creating money making phrases
I should make a book with all these good thoughts that came out my brain
Wait
I need to step back to read the words that I wrote
Good thoughts they might be, but there are some evil things that I said that you can quote
"You think that you number one, but everyone comes after me. You number two, or better yet, number three"
"I'll take your man for his dick and all that he's worth. I've been like this since birth. It's just been unknown until now"
"My name is Dracie. Not baby mamma, or that girl. My body type is like no other. Stop trying to compare"
"She stepped to me like a kangaroo that got hit by a deer. Hopping and swaying, tip toeing and cuddling. I gave her two uppercuts to the face, and one to the back. Now how you like that?"
The emotions that I feel, flow through my soul, down my arm, and out the pen
Like I said
You take away my hand, and you might as well just take my heart
Get Your Own Free Hypster.com Playlist.**chorus**
Searching for a better day, but I see that
My past + my present = a future that I'd rather not deal with
So, I dream on and think about how it could be
Not what should of been
But, how I'd like it to end
**
I live my life like the clock of the pelvis
Waiting for next month to come thinking that'll be able to take a break
But, flow keeps on coming and my stacks keep on diminishing
Maybe I didn't learn nothing from this lesson of life from the hand that I was dealt
Raised in a middle class family, but my children aren't seeing
Better days are to come, but how long do I have to live as if I was raised in a shelter?
Government will throw you checks if you not working
But I've worked hard for my money, but have nothing to show from it
Section 8 housing and a car bought from my grandpa
Why is it that my bank account shows a zero amount?
Maybe because bills equal out to be more than what is brought in
Pay'n 20 percent of each so that I still got a whip to drive in
Fumes is what I be driving on daily
I can't even afford to fill my tank, cause it costs 80
Like I said
Years of working, but nothing to show for it
Wish my bank account showed 100 G plus
Then I'd be living luxurious
But I'd make the fed's come and chase me for that tax money
I can't let them take food from my baby's
Cause food stamps are too easy to live with
Now think about that
What if I had none?
Then what would we be eat'n?
Maybe part of a steak that we found on the side of the road
How bout a dead roach?
Or maybe scraps from the neighbor
Seriously folks
Who was this world built for?
The rich and the famous?
If so, what do the rest of us do?
Watch the tube and think about better days
How it would be like if we were in their place?
**
Searching for a better day, but I see that
My past + my present = a future that I'd rather not deal with
So I dream on and think bout how it could be
Not what should of been
But, how I'd like it to end
**
Searching to find a reason as to why I have to go through all that I do
But the search will never end
Unless, maybe it does when I am dead
My past help to mold me in to the person that I am now
Too bad I wasn't raised by the rich, so that I would now be famous
Thinking that the day will come that I will finally be stable
Hopefully that day comes before my children are done being raised
It's so hard to show them the world
When all that you was handed was a map
It looks good on paper
But, is it really true?
I wish that I could show them the 50 states and have them board a plane
But then again
I'm a single mother of three
I have to come back to reality
No help from their father
All they have is their mother to look to because they wanna see a better view
As I too want to show them
The world is their's and they are unstoppable
Study hard and have goals
Make sure that they know that they can make it
No telling what their future holds
But, as for me
I feel stuck in this mess called my life
Maybe I should just give up the fight
**
Searching for a better day, but I see that
My past + my present = a future that I'd rather not deal with
So I dream on and think about how it could be
Not what could of been
But how I'd like it to end
**
I'd like to meet:
EVERYONE. Friends, Foes, Haters, and MORE!!!!!Really though, I would love to meet Reggie Miller, and some of my myspace friends.Check out this video that is in memory of an old friend of mine. Brad Squires. He is one of the many that dies fighting for our "freedom".
Music:
LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT! I sing all day long at work, and all evening in my head! The best is Biggy, then Luda and T.I., love Mary J., Fantashia, 8 Ball, SWV, Green Day, Denise Williams, Exscape, Busta, lots n lots more. Mostly rap and soul. I love it all though depending on my mood.
Television:
Leaning to the side, but you can't speed through
Naw bitch, I gatta pick it up, cause I ain't tryn to see you
Not out here to show off for you hoes
I'm on my grind to make a come up on my own
Might not have it all, but I got what I need
And, Imma get what I want
Not joshing or boasting
Fuck naw
I'm all about that real talk
I ain't conceded
Bet ya I ain't
But what mutha fucka out here don't want a piece of me
Mad cause I'm taken, but don't do shit when I ain't
How the fuck you ganna be mad at me when you never even asked me to go out on a date?
Be pissy at yourself cause you missed out
This pussy belongs to me, and no one else
As does my soul and heart
But I can give it away as a gift, if it is deserved to be given to
My kids come before me
There for, you ganna be underneath me
While I'm bumping, grinding, and riding
As we are love making, our souls are rising
Intertwined like smoke and joined as one
As are we
No one can touch thee
Amazed at what has happened, and what is to come
Looking on to the future and happy that I now have that number one
All these other bitches can kiss my ass
All you phony, fake, no good mutha fuckas
Don't hate cause you ain't
Be mad that you got took by the game
Don't be mistaken when that true shit comes your way
Look it in the eye
Grab it
Hold it
Kiss it
Love it
Never let it slide
Never let it pass and walk the opposite direction
Never push it away
Never be afraid
Get like you?
Hell naw
Bitch, get like me
Take in that love, and also let it receive
Not into too much television now a days. I do like a lot of reality t.v., and the old school shows though. Martin is my favorite.
Books:
20,000 DREAMS I love reading about the dreams I had the night before...
Heroes:
All of the underprivileged kids who end up making a better life for themselves, there for making it a little better for those who follow afterAnd of course my number 1 (31) man, Reggie Miller!!!!!
