Benjamin

When not helping old ladies across the street and rescuing cats stuck up trees, I can often be found working at the local soup kitchens or donating all my possessions to the local orphanage. I sing, I dance, I play, and I do a mean backflip. I sleep only 3 hours per day, and spend the rest of the night putting the finishing touches to my operetta "Kevin Bacon: One man and his fight against mediocrity".I enrapture; I beguile; I enlighten. I don't pay taxes yet I am a net contributor to my country. I have been awarded the Knight's Cross, an MBE and a Gold Swimming Certificate. I am a fully qualified masseur - on bank holidays I go round the local old people's home and offer free massages to the over 60s. I am more elusive than Houdini, smarter than Einstein, more versatile than Keanu, and I age better than Goldie Hawn. I once outran a cheetah whilst carrying an unconscious impala on my back. I am.