I guess I'll start by saying... I AM the coolest chick in the world! lol... but seriously! I consider myself to be both EXTREMES of good and evil. I'd love for my evil side to kick rocks, but that's easier said than done. I love the Lord (Jesus Christ a.k.a. the only TRUE God)! He has ALWAYS been there looking out for me, cleaning up the mistakes I've made, and putting the pieces back together for me. I am a PARTY girl at heart, but now-a-days I try to keep it pretty mellow. I can finally say, probably for the first time in my life, that I am content and happy with just being me. I've been blessed with an AMAZING, LOVING famiy that means the world to me! I am so THANKFUL and so BLESSED! I know I don't deserve so many good things, that's the beauty of God's GREAT love and MERCY!xoxoI have been through a lot in my life. Heartache, struggles, sadness, rejection, addiction… and the list goes on. However, all of these experiences, as horrible as they’ve been, have made me who I am today. While I am far from perfect and know that the Lord has not yet completed His work in me, over this last year, I have learned, grown and changed so much and I know that He will. One of the biggest things I’ve come to know is that your life is what YOU make it. No one has the power to do anything in “MY†life but “MEâ€. I have to want to be better and I have to care enough about myself to do something about it. I’ve always been handed everything. I’ve never had to work hard for a goal and achieved it myself. It’s not all bad. It does assure me that I have a heavenly Father who is and always has been taking care of me, loving me, providing for me and fixing me when I’m broken. The downside is that for most of my life, I expected things to change, to “be better†miraculously. Thinking, one day, I’d wake up and be fixed, have it all figured out. I see now that that is not the case. So I’ve come to a point in my life where I’m ready to make that first step. Over the years, I’ve considered myself to be a pessimist, very negative. I always thought I didn’t have any friends, at least not ones that where very close. Recently however, I’ve come to realize that I do have friends, people who love me and are there for me when I need them regardless of how I’ve treated them in the past. The love and support of my friends and family is worth more to me than anything else in this world! It’s crazy what you can take for granted when you don’t pay attention to what really matters and you allow yourself to be preoccupied with things that are meaningless. As for love and relationships, that’s the one thing I’ve always put first before anything else. Unfortunately, I needed to fix myself, love myself before I could ever have anything lasting. While things may not be my ideal situation, I do trust that the Lord will give me the desires of my heart. Not in my time, but in His and it is hard but I accept that. It’s so cliché but the power of positive thinking makes such a difference! I do believe that God is preparing the man He chose just for me and will bless me with him someday, hopefully sooner than later! I am so blessed in so many aspects of my life from my family and friends to the comfortable lifestyle I’ve been given. I appreciate all I have and never want to take any of it for granted! I’m still working out the kinks, but I want to be the best that I can be, the woman the God made me to be. I don’t want to be selfish anymore. It really is all about giving unto others that makes for a happy life. I’ve seen it in my relationships, friendships and family. The people that are selfish and dwell on there negativity are miserable. Life is not a bowl of cherries. Everyone has been though different degrees of trials in life but it’s what you do with it that makes the difference. I don’t want to be one of those people anymore. The past is the past. You can’t make anyone love you. You can’t make anyone care. People only change if they want to and I cannot blame myself or allow myself to feel bad because they didn’t. I know who I am and who I want to be and no longer will I allow excuses to be my crutch. I’ve made mistake after mistake and usually didn’t learn but I’m ready to change all that. It’s a new decade and a new life for me and I’m excited!!!
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