daysleeper.
"all changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy, for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another." Anatole France
"Thunderous sparks from the dark of the stadiums
The music and medicine you needed for comforting
So make all your fat fleshy fingers to moving
And pluck all your silly strings
And bend all your notes for me
Soft silly music is meaningful magical
The movements were beautiful
All in your ovaries
All of them milking with green fleshy flowers
While powerful pistons were sugary sweet machines
Smelling of semen all under the garden
Was all you were needing when you still believed in me"
neutral milk hotel
i wonder about many things (yet do not claim this as any unique feat). i go through phases. the temperature and pressure changes and then i shift from solid to liquid to gas and back again. don't tell me you don't do it too. falling out before getting the chance to fall in, honesty and self-awareness, being aware of how society has shaped certain versions of truth and the disagreement in the brain yet difficulty in knowing with the heart, nerves, waiting, respect, consideration, escape, responsibility and narcissism, many people's disgusting need for social power...oh, that constant act of self-promotion; how much it has to do with why i chose/choose to not really belong in any place space, why i like the solitary life, solace in a few that know mememe, intolerance for the many that look no further than the aesthetic/than what they have the interest/patience for: twenty-something year-olds in adolescent lives, shame, avoidance, validation, truth, the effort in explanation/understanding, power, intention, feminist stigmas, bodies, warmth, comfort, noise, secrets, writings, pasts that are now now now or no no, yes. wild things and where they are. aesthetics as lives, lies.
sometimes i forget the kindness in people. thank you to those that remind me every once in a while, truly appreciated. and to those that have passed and for those that live on, my heart and body feel where language fails, for you all, forever.
and as my brother and gram have sung, 'the music that i want is cheaper than therapy.'
