Mattsiah profile picture

Mattsiah

Straight from the horse's ass . . .

About Me

I'm so goddamn interesting, I have to tell complete strangers about it on TEH INTERNETS!I'm a devilishly handsome, yet vulnerable tough guy with a heart-of-gold. However, only my ex-wife and a drifter with whom I shared one magical evening got to see the sensitive soft white underbelly of the testosterone-fueled, adrenaline orgy that I call my life.Yes, quake at the mere thought that even the most mundane of my experiences require thorough documentation and embellishment, unlike most of the mundane and puerile "infotainment" to be found on the internets.Also, I sell fireworks and perform improv.Nooge.

My Interests

Beer, Boobs, Books, Brave New Workshop, Dead Baby Jokes, Guinness, History, Home Brewing, Improv, Kingdom of Loathing, Minnesota Renaissance Festival, Mythology, Rants, Six Ring Circus, Solitude, Tattoos, Tea Sets, Whiskey, Your Mom

I'd like to meet:

Al Frankin, Fat Mike, Frank Miller, Garth Ennis, Henry Rollins, Kevin Smith, Neil Gaiman, Drew Hayes, Tim Armstrong, Blag, Jick, Mr. Skullhead, Riff, Xenophobe, Hotstuff, Trey Parker, Matt Stone, John Carpenter, Stan Lee, Mark Hamill, David Cross, Dave Attell, Penn Jillette, Teller

Music:

Black Flag, Flogging Molly, NOFX, Rancid, Soul Coughing, The Clash, The Ramones, MC Frontalot, Optimus Rhyme, Leftover Crack, The Dwarves, Dead To Me, The Dead Pets, The Vandals, 7 Seconds, All, Anti-Flag, Atmosphere, Bad Religion, Tenacious D, The Bloodhound Gang, William Shatner, Bob Log III, Tom Waits, Bracket, Brain Failure, Cypress Hill, Dead Kennedys, The Decemberists, Descendents, The Replacements, Devo, Dillinger 4, Distillers, Dropkick Murphys, Elvis Costello, Fugazi, Minor Threat, Good Riddance, The Slackers, Hi-Standard, Horrorpops, Nekromantix, Joe Strummer & the Mescaleros, Johnny Cash, Kosher, Lagwagon, Lars Fredericksen & the Bastards, The Lawrence Arms, None More Black, Millions of Dead Cops, Me First & The Gimme Gimmes, Mike Doughty, Millencolin, Mike Ness, Social Distortion, The Misfits, Morphine, New York Dolls, Agent Orange, Off With Their Heads, Operation Ivy, Paul Westerberg, The Pogues, Propaghandi, Quantum Candy, The Real McKenzies, Richard Cheese, Scotch Greens, Snuff, Stiff Little Fingers, Sugar, TSOL, They Might Be Giants, Transplants, U.S. Bombs, Ween, Wizo, XTC

Movies:

Big Lebowski, Sin City, Clerks, Man Bites Dog, the original Star Wars trilogy, The Lord of the Rings, Spider-man, Fight Club, The Jerk, Saw, Safe Men, Hellboy, Mallrats, the Evil Dead Trilogy, The Thing, Kill Bill, 28 Days Later, Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, In the Mouth of Madness, Batman Begins, X-Men, Spirited Away, Dawn of the Dead, Howl's Moving Castle, Baseketball, V for Vendetta

Television:

Adult Swim, Family Guy, The Daily Show, The History Channel, Smallville, Robot Chicken, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Sealab 2021, Drawn Together, The Tick, Batman: The Animated Series, Samurai Jack, South Park, Bullshit!

Books:

Calvin & Hobbes, Hellboy, Lone Wolf & Cub, Poison Elves, Preacher, The Sandman, Wheel Of Time series, From the Ashes, Into the Storm, Stupid White Men, Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, A Brief History of Nearly Everything, Dracula, The Gunslinger series, Skipping Towards Gomorrah, Black Coffee Blues, Watchmen, Astro City, Sin City, V for Vendetta

My Blog

Bye the way . . .

Next weekend, that's the 24th and 25th, Vilification Tennis returns to the Bryant Lake Bowl. Fuck you all if you haven't seen it yet. You know you want to. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, ...
Posted by Mattsiah on Sun, 19 Oct 2008 10:02:00 PST

Le Sigh

My wife wants me to write 4 jokes by the time she gets home from work.I do not have nearly enough beer for this.
Posted by Mattsiah on Sun, 19 Oct 2008 09:51:00 PST

This almost makes me wish I had watched the debate.


Posted by Mattsiah on Fri, 03 Oct 2008 07:57:00 PST

Arkansas Pastafarian Pirates counter-protest Westboro Baptist Church protesting assholes.

(Yoinked from an atheism community)What do you do to make a bunch of soulless nutcases abandon their post at the Convention Center?Yep, the cuckoo Phelps hate group walked the plank this morning after...
Posted by Mattsiah on Tue, 23 Sep 2008 06:42:00 PST

My favorite conversation from this weekend.

"I believe that any two people can be together if they just try hard enough.""Honey, how old are you?""20.""You have so much to learn." *defensively* "Well, that's what I believe."*shrug* "Well, some ...
Posted by Mattsiah on Tue, 16 Sep 2008 04:56:00 PST

Check it Rennie bitches!

Hey folks, I seen a website called Renaissance Festival Music Awards and wanted to pass it on to the rest of you.  This year is their 4th annual event.  In a quick scanning through their lis...
Posted by Mattsiah on Thu, 04 Sep 2008 07:08:00 PST

Hey look! It’s one of my increasingly rare blog posts!

Hey y'all, just a couple quick notes to keep the those with too much time on their hands updated.Fest is in full swing. Gretta and I are both constantly exhausted, sick, and finding bits of makeup and...
Posted by Mattsiah on Wed, 03 Sep 2008 07:42:00 PST

My tax dollars at work. Sigh.

An interesting Op-Ed from the Wall Street Journal:Congress seems ready to spend billions on a new "Manhattan Project" for green energy, or at least the political class really, really likes talking abo...
Posted by Mattsiah on Tue, 13 May 2008 09:16:00 PST

Tremble bitches!

Tremble before the cuteness that is - Pronto Pup!...
Posted by Mattsiah on Tue, 06 May 2008 03:48:00 PST

Get to work

Well here we are, once again rapidly approaching July 4th.Like the last 4 years we are once again searching for tent workers.Here's the skinny:17 days in a row plus shut down.June 20th through July 6t...
Posted by Mattsiah on Fri, 02 May 2008 07:25:00 PST