About Me
The views expressed on this page by Jesse Brake's character are not those of LM Communications, 98x, the staff (especially Bam and Ron), any employer of those mentioned, or any sane and rational thinking person
I'm Jesse Brake. I am the prophet of the basset hate machine and you can hear me on 98x Friday nights @ 9:10. I probably don't like you or your shitty music, but if I do, we can so totally be best friends for life. If I was a superhero, I would have the ability to fly and kill whores. What side would you be on?
Likes: Basset hounds, playing live music, chess, some of the good ol' d20 system (esp. my dedicated players Rhi, Cherie, and Mike. Best group ever.), piercings, making techno music, doing "You failed at life w/ Jesse Brake" and "Critical Mass" on 98x, video games (FPS are my favorite), all other animals, discriminating against shitty music (If you don't discriminate, you don't love music), writing, drawing, reading, cooking, movies, poker, watching videos of puppies on youtube (Fuck you, I'm brutal), knives, Magnolia Gardens, a good restaurant, going to shows, sugar free energy drinks, museums, ghost walk tours, history, piggly wiggly, girls who are comfortable in no make-up, bardic knowledge, palendromes, my nickname (Thank you Mike), steel toe boots, long hair, pink cars, DVD extras, making sound effect tracks, sushi, calamari, Italian food, watching The Matrix on DVD so I can turn off the idiot banter and have just the music play the entire film, Using google to find out where my name is in the internet, CD players in cars, people capable of conversation, anything about the Cthulhu mythos, drawing using Microsoft Paint, putting the radio station on Z93 and singing rap songs in cookie monster and gore vocals, crane machines (FREEDOM!), Scrabble, Risk, Stratego, Monopoly, Trivial Pursuit, learning new words, new car smell, finding money in clothing, button-up shirts, nat 20's, NPR, (Yes I love NPR. Implode bitch.), the words "heienes", "seidels", "pinados", "venires" and "glamour", etc.
Dislikes: Drinking, smoking, drugs, premarital sex for the wrong reasons, whores, Glitter (the movie), animal cruelty, World of Warcraft (I've known ex girlfriends to be less demanding, at least you get proper fucked and have something to show for it), phantom pains in various limbs with no apparent cause (Jesus my arm hurts, when the hell did I go bowling?), ninja looters, high school kids and their drama, emo guys and their tight pants crushing their dicks like dead shrimp, people in general, whores, patchouli (Because when you smell it, a dirty white girl with dreads soon follow), when things get blown out of proportion by assuming, when I make a movie reference and no one gets it (I'm not a fucking pancake!), root beer lollipops (they taste like Raid), flat soda, passing out and missing phone calls or IM's, snow, the color yellow, brick cheese, annoying laughs, people not saying what they mean, whores, people who get pierced with the gun, the cumdumpsters who pierce with the gun, old paint, hookers, the ability to pause live TV (Dude, listen, I was working on the curing cancer thing, but check this out. I so paused American Idol)the word "fantastic", pseudo poet sluts, people who place so much value in their pointless job (You have a job a monkey could do.), cowards, the internet lingo "lol", "rotflmfao", and "w00t", people who laugh at Family Guy or anything else but don't get it, whores, the fact there are not enough choices on where to get food after 11pm at night (Seriously, I eat Taco Bell one more time...), Starbucks (unless it's a venti Blackbery Green Tea Frappucino with no whip...wow that sounds bad), headaches, cat piss, blowjobs (unless they are from you-know-who), bad eggrolls, Napoleon Dynamite (Thank you assholes. You ruined an otherwise good film with all the merchandise and quoting), people with no eyebrows, guys who beat up women or use them for sex, women who go back to men that left them for drugs, the writing on bathroom walls (seriously, who decides that while taking a shit that they must profess their racism in deeply scrawled pen?) clown shoes, flame shirts, people who say "Oh, if you like -random death metal band-, then you'll love -insert stupid fucking name of a band no one has ever heard-", The singer of Slayer (I LIKE SLAYER NOT THE SINGER FUCK OFF), Kurt Cobain, Jerry Garcia, all dead musicians (except Lynn Strait), Scott Ian (he has a wookie dong on his face), bowling, paintball, trucks, rice, alligators, Someone who says something is ironic (No, Steve Irwin dying from a manta ray isn't ironic, Flipper dying on the otherhand...), people who think I hate them but I really just don't give a shit about them (Hey, I don't hate you BECAUSE YOU DON'T MATTER), the american grizzly bear, torrent ducks, sodas that hide they are diet (Wow, Pepsi Jazz! Sounds great let me take a tast...SONOFABITCH), homophobia, Slipknot, writer's block, people who think that they are the first to have read J:THM, nat 1's, Jamie Lee Curtis, goats (except Scape), wrinkled paper, when I get sick over stress about something that isn't my fault yet I'm made to feel is, people who's first comment to someone is "wow yer hot nice pics 3", crowded anything, going o a chinese restaurant on a Sunday (Fuck man, it's like the DMV...and the welfare office), emoticons or any deviant child thereof, keloids, splenda, made for TV movies, TNT (not dynamite, the channel. Seriously, how many fucking times can you play The Shawshank Redemption with Law and Order between each showing), when movies use CG far too much (See Ultraviolet for an example: The guy who did that needs to feed food to orphans for the next thirty years) bad bleu chesse dressing, theraflu, the words "mighty" and "interesting", waiting for phone calls, Spinach dip that has been refridgerated, the sensation of feeling returning to a part of your body, whores, typing on labtops, Tom Jones, girls who talk about how good their boyfriends are in the sack (Seriously. He isn't earning points and all you're doing is putting the image of you getting fucked in my head), radio, sloppy nacho-esque creations at a mexican restaurant, when drunk fucks bump into you at a show in attempts to mosh, overcooked meat (I said 30 seconds on each side!), chairs that make my ass go numb under an hour, when the volume of commercials isn't the same as the TV show, trendy bisexuals, fanny packs, costume contests, floral arrangements that don't include the color red or white, any one who says remix when a CD skips (Shoot yourself. Now.), Cracking a knuckle only to experience soulrending pain, women who fart and burp to be cool (Farting on my lap could end a marriage bitch. No lawyer needed.), when I get no vowels in Scrabble (once I got czrrynl...pretty fucking funny I can only make 'cry out of it), a friends list that is more than 2 digits (You failed at life.), social security cards, english dubbing, when anything I own gets pissed on, cats in heat, dogs in heat, me in the heat, the feeling of rabbits watching me or any other pet in a store, the smell of beggin strips, anything with the suffix -core (hardcore, emocore, metalcore, crycore), fairy tales, people who hold you in contempt because you don't like a certain band, chain letters, Leroy Jenkins, commercials nowaday, when a DVD doesn't have two different commentaries (I like the actors fucking around, but I'd like to hear more about the movie scenes and such too), anyone who owns a GMAC mortgage account, anyone who applies for a Juniper Bank credit card, when people confuse a movie's score and soundtrack, people who think they are a body piercer because they got pierced, scratchers, swoop haircuts, when white people say they are part Nstive American (Let me guess...great grandpa raped a indian squawk and had a bastard child. Yeah, great heritage, cunt), going to get a fountain drink and getting carbonated water instead, people not getting what I mean when I say things (See? That confused you didn't it?), probably you, when people think I'm dead, people who think by having a diet coke with their deep fried pile of vile they are watching their calories, people who say they like all music except rap and country (The ultimate music cop out.), people who say music is a big part of their life and they only listen to bands that are on the radio (Yeah, huge part of your life WHEN YOU'RE DRIVING SOMEWHERE. Crash and die.) people who say "let's start a mosh pit in here!" and pull out a Disturbed CD, when gas stations don't have their prices posted, anyone who says "I like the drums and the guitar, but I can't stand the vocalist" (one exception is Slayer, fuck their vocalist), people who tell me what to add to my dislike list, signs that have a few letters not working, anyone that gets a flash tattoo, Emeril's TV show, any band with more than three words in their name, when a fast food joint gets rid of the only thing I liked (Burger King, why the fuck did you get rid of Pepper Jack cheese?), any band with three words composing of three syllables (boy hits car, boy sets fire, boy wrecks prom, mouth loves cock), "leet" (Fucking die. Please. Is it that hard to type out the whole fucking word WITHOUT numbers?), people who can't let down their guard in front of other people, attention starved idiots, Hot Topic, whores, Lip-Service, The Nightmare Before Christmas (No, it really isn't that good.), The Crow (Got ya, Brandon Lee is hot. Uh huh, he died too. Yep. SHUT UP), people who get offended when I crack a jewish joke after they tell me they are jewish (Wow, awesome shampoo, is that ashes? No! What, zyklon?), the fact people can survive cancer (Great, all that pity and shit for nothing.)corpsepaint, people who say my dislike list is too long to read, fake eyelashes (It's made out of what? Red Fox hair? There is no God.), oxymorons, morons in general, having your dick pierced and no one to sleep with worth a damn, people who wear iron maiden or ac/dc shirts as a trend, etc.
