Oliver

As you know (you probably don't but this is a clever psychological trick I use to get you on my side), I was born in an abandoned cattle-car on a siding outside the Chicago stock-yards. My father was an international communist banker, and my mother came from the bronx. My early childhood was relatively uneventful, having been spent in picking pockets, stealing government cheques from mail boxes, running errands for bookies, counterfeiting lead nickels, and playing with teddy bears. My formal education consisted of four years in first grade, followed by nine years of reform school. Upon breaking out I began selling drawings ( you know the kind! ) on dark street corners outside burlesque houses. Once I had drawn everything, I turned to peddling dope near nursery schools... took the cure... opened an establishment in a district of scarlet illumination...took the cure... and finally, seeking the ultimate in depravity and debasement, quite naturally turned to the film industry. Most recently. Today, I live in a 43 room mansion in wholesome Santa Barbara. I drive a grey Cadillac for grey days, a blue Cadillac for blue days, a green Cadillac for bilious days, and a pogo-stick for hopped-up days. My hobbies include selling drawings ( you know the kind! ), peddling dope, and running my scarlet-illuminated establishment. Don't send fan-mail... I can't read!
Check me out in this "fast-food commercial"...(that's me on the left)