a re-iteration is imperative because my life plan has turned to having opened a vintage clothing store called HUNGOVER EMPIRE CLOTHING located at 357 Langside @ Portage Ave in Winnipeg. I am here 11-7 Mon-Sat and I guess at this point I should probably make myself a myspace page for it. bugger.i love how long my profile is. really. it makes me smile every day.the real about me is self-absorbed, vain, outspoken, immature, and bitchy but i think a bit less like a boy than i used to. to my utter surprise i've turned into a hopeless romantic and the thought of it kind of makes me cringe like, how could this have happened to me? i started writing poems and learned to play an instrument so i can write songs. like fuck! what!? self-adhered characteristics derived from self-obsession will always apply like ridiculously moody, consistently bored, cynical, excellent at thinking i'm right about everything and excellent at spelling, reading and speaking, noticing things that are wrong with words, people, everything. i love to criticize and see the worst in everything but do not take criticism well at all and i can really do no wrong. but on the other hand when i love something i really love it and i can be really happy in the right circumstances. in other words, if people don't piss me off, life with me could be enrapturing. i guess thats how i'm moody. theres no real in between for me and most people i think find it hard to deal with. i hate working for other people, not very many humans impress me and i belong in a different solar system because this flaming star we call the sun and me do not jive and i dont seem to have much in common with earthlings. i get into trouble for being too mouthy, for not ever letting people disrespect me and for being too honest. i say something whenever anything pisses me off but i don't hold grudges. i never lie. i never cheat. if there is anything in my whole existence that is important to me, it's that i'm true to myself. i don't think many people are and i also don't think many people like it when you are. i alienate myself from people inadvertently because even though i am capable of getting along with anyone (i let in about 2000 people a week through my door at work and i am nice to all those rejects so that must mean SOMETHING in my favor), i am hard to get along with because i don't let things slide and inadvertently remind people of their fuck ups by being around and have just recently discovered that i seem to suck the confidence out of people and leave them an insecure shell of what they once were. RAD. heh. being a dominatrix isn't so cute after a while it seems. i have a short attention span. i have a code of ethics in my head that all people should follow based on logic and reason and common sense in different situations. im going to write a book on the subject and start a cult. i think i'm partially psychic. i think my life is dull because i stopped going out drinking every night. did i "grow up" ? fuck! i was on a stint for the past three years up until just recently of refusing to be in an exclusive relationship with anyone but am discovering that people still break up and resent you even if you were never going out with them. this stint is mostly due to a fear of commitment but also due to an inability to decide on anything and stick with it and not wonder whats coming next. i am called heartless. i am called goldfish. i like to cut my own hair. i like wearing lots of make up. i like wearing different combinations of clothes every single day. i like living in different cities. i like english people. i love french people. i am destined to be european. i am destined to be my own boss. i drive a 1977 porsche 924. i buy almost all my clothes at value village so no one will have the same things as me. i like to alter my clothes but don't really know how to sew. i like making stuff out of junk. i like clutter. i'm a packrat because i always think i'm going to need garbage later that i should throw away. i've never had any ambition up until now. i still don't really. i've considered writing a book, making a movie, doing photography, doing interior design or being a make up artist but have no motivation to get into any of it. i probably only want to teach english to be able to travel and tell people what to do and force them to like me. heh. i probably only want to be a stylist so i can criticize people and tell them what to do. next on my pseudo-agenda is going into the second hand clothing business. in fact that's what i should be doing now instead of sitting here punking up my profile. regardless! i've been a vegetarian for twelve years. i went to over 20 countries between 2001-2003. i hate winnipeg. i think i might hate people in winnipeg. i'm easily annoyed. i used to be a hardcore drinking machine but i think i might be getting old because its not as fun or easy anymore. my best friend is my ex-boyfriend woody who lives in england. he's the only person in the universe who phones me on a regular basis who isn't related to me. i call him uncle woody because when we were in amsterdam i went broke and he paid my way through the trip and he buys me things when i'm poor because he loves me/feels sorry for me. heh. i don't like house parties. i think i'm funny. i don't think most people understand my humor. i like forcing music and things i like onto people. my favorite band is the mars volta. i love seeing bands who dont have openers. i cried at their show because i'm a nerd (not like new kids on the block style crying, it was during miranda that ghost just isn't holy anymore and it was just sooooo much) i hate the mts centre. i hate the ticketmaster website. i hate anything illogical. i hate anyone who isn't smart. i type with three fingers but i'm fast because i was addicted to chat lines in highschool because i liked irc people better than real people.i am scared to walk around alone at night. i am scared of severed limbs. i am scared of becoming boring. i am scared of running out of things to say to people. i hate awkwardness. i hate silence. i sleep with music on. i live nocturnally. i sometimes don't sleep. i could go on like this forever because this is the most fun i've had in a while. maybe i'll go start writing a book about myself because it seems to be the only thing that fascinates me. hehheh. i actually did start writing a book about my views on relationships last year and tossed all my ideas away when it seemed like i had become a hypocrite by falling in love and the views didn't seem so true anymore. i have rethought the whole thing and am putting the book together again. the research this month in winnipeg will be vital. SO NO ONE PISS ME OFF. IT WILL GO DOWN IN HISTORY. i love/hate everything. i try to love everyone but end up hating them all. do i hate myself for hating them all. no. i still just hate them.at least i'm now a believer in love which i was not before. i am still considering treating it like the plague to facilitate things. it's becoming ever more and more clear to me that i am in fact from outer space or on some different level than most people. a different wavelength which i get fooled into thinking ordinary people get. i'm still learning and repeatedly renouncing the fact that if kept my mouth shut more and didn't bitch as much i'd have more friends, people would want to be around me more and i would possibly be happier. but who wants friends who don't want to hear and see your worst along with your best. SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND MEAN WHAT YOU SAY. i often think when i'm freaking out on people it is me at my best. being my most passionate. i do it well. but i'm told it's intimidating and sometimes scary. i'm sure it puts people off because easy people are just easier arent they. i lose a lot of connections for being what humans call cynical and abrasive. sometimes i think people stop talking to me because it's too much work. me and jon have a recurring argument about whether or not it makes a difference either way if you approve and keep friends you have on myspace who you dont talk to and particularly who stop talking to you. i say who cares. no limits. they are just illusions anyway. i guess that can be said for everyone. not just myspace. and i find most people anywhere don't keep up with me i'm not sure if it's because they can't or don't want to. woody would say, "what am i? a leper?"my personality always stays the same. no matter what. that means the moods change constistent to what going on around me with the same type of reactions to everything. always reactions. never actions though heh. i feel so young. i feel so old.
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