Ben profile picture

Ben

Not even a pretty face

About Me

Till assistants never say hello to me when I'm buying something in a shop. Without fail they'll greet the person before me, and likewise the person following me, but I never get anything so much as a hello. Do they really expect me not to notice? It is mildly upsetting. This does however work in my favour with street-based market researchers, who seem to actively avoid my proximity.

I have no particular skills or notable traits, I serve absolutely no economical or environmental purpose and I'm frequently mistaken for a homeless man.

People of Stafford! If you work in a pizzeria/fashionable sandwich outlet, for FUCK'S SAKE learn how to pronounce 'jalapeño'.

I don't like smiling. I look like a rapist when I smile. Please don't ask me to smile.

I might also stress that pink is not a colour for a man, regardless of what 'Topshop' may tell you. Please gentlemen, do not wear pink in my company; it'll only end in blood money.

My Interests

Sleeping/dreams, WoW, music, cinema, comics, contract killings, arranging great deals on insurance for the over 60's, music of black origin.

I'd like to meet:

People without AIDS.

Music:

No one reads these sections because frankly they don't really care what you listen to and neither do I. Therefore I refuse to take part, and I do so now merely to contradict myself.

Faith No More - King for a Day, Fool for a Lifetime

Aphex Twin - Selected Ambient Works Vol. 2
(Music to stalk ladies to.)

Mozart - Requiem
(The academy of St. Martin in the Fields do a particularly splendid rendition.)

General Patton vs. the X-Ecutioners

Mr. Bungle - California

N.W.A. - Efil4Zaggin

Lovage - Music to Make Love to Your Old Lady By

Ween - Pure Guava

Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five - Adventures on the Wheels of Steel

(This epic 3-disc special edition will permit you such vast knowledge of MOBO that even a black will be speechless.)

The Smiths - Strangeways Here We Come

Talking Heads - Fear of Music

Fantômas - Delirum Cordia
(Music to serial-kill to. Honestly.)
There. I hope that was marginally more interesting than a massive list of literally ever band in the world ever.

Movies:

I enjoy films with bleak endings or twists. I'm particularly fond of these ones: Memento, Blade Runner, 12 Monkeys, The Shining, Trees Lounge, 28 Days Later, Requiem For a Dream, Eraserhead, Full Metal Jacket, Alien, Taxi Driver, The Terminator, Fargo, The Usual Suspects, Bond films, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I do not enjoy films that last 3 hours - it's a ridiculous length of time.

Television:

Prison Break - ridiculous, contrived and just about the best thing on TV ever.I'm Alan Partridge/KMKYWAP, 24 (before I lost track), The Day Today, Adam & Joe, Brass Eye, jam, Twin Peaks, Peep Show.'Lost' has gone wank - I pray for Hiroshima tier closure while the season numbers are still in single figures.

Books:

Preacher, Red, The Goon, Sin City, Hard Boiled, Transmetropolitan. (I can't read real books.)One day I'll buy a copy of Bravo Two Zero by Andy McNab. One day.

Heroes:

Peacock, James. Clarkson, Jeremy. Bond, James (Roger Moore preferred, post-Dalton do not even qualify)I often find myself placing any of the above names into the equation of "What would x do in this situation?"