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..“I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol.” - Steven Seagal
"I think people are frustrated in this society, where predators prey upon normal, law-abiding citizens, and you never see justice in the courtroom. In my films, the predators don't get away with it, I snap necks and stuff...justice and stuff." - Steven Seagal
" If you come back in here, I am gonna hit you with so many rights you are going to beg for a left." - Chuck Norris "Invasion USA"
Chuck Norris: Didn't work, huh?
[throws terrorists their own bomb and detonates it]
Chuck Norris: Now it will.
Chuck Norris: Did you lose this? [explosion]
Quotes from "The Substitute"
[Treat Williams confronts Douche and his cronies in the library] Treat Williams: Ohh, I can't tell you boys how much I needed this. Douchekid ..1: When we're done, I want you to say 'I'm Sorry' 100 times. Treat Williams: Shh. No talking in the library (kickass pose).
Quotes from "Under Siege w/ Steven Seagal"
Commander Krill: Where are you going? William Strannix: Make Honolulu glow in the dark. Commander Krill: Outstanding.
Felicia Storm: There's blood on your shirt. Steven Seagal: It's not my blood, so you don't have to worry, do you?
Phil Hendrie Quotes:"And that's when I watched the fun begin . . . I remember saying to my wife 'watch this' and as soon as I said that she got air, hit the median retaining wall at least 70 miles an hour and skidded all the way down the wall until the front fender buckled and shredded the front left tire and the wall took all the paint and trim completely off of this yuppie’s suburban and I swear before God, all I did was reach for another egg salad sandwich.”
"You dont know fear until you've crawled through chinatown in a chihuahua suit"

My Blog

*NEWSFLASH* STEVEN SEAGAL RELEASES ENERGY DRINK

You can quit pinching yourself, this is not a joke, there is a god and he is spreading the yuletide cheer with the release of  Hows that for a swift kick to the ass? Lightning Bolt by Steven Seag...
Posted by on Wed, 20 Dec 2006 16:22:00 GMT

Real Life Snake on a Real Life Mother F***ing Plane

Pilot Fights Black Snake Stowaway on Plane Friday, June 02, 2006 Associated Press CHARLESTON, W.Va. Monty Coles was 3,000 feet in the air when he discovered a stowaway peeking out at him from the plan...
Posted by on Fri, 02 Jun 2006 17:08:00 GMT

The Top 10 Most Doucheinist People

Douche is a word that gets thrown about a lot by people who don't have a clue what they are talking about. When you call someone a douchebag, douchepole, douchehandle, douchleholder, doucheable, etc; ...
Posted by on Thu, 11 May 2006 01:10:00 GMT

The Fashion Industry: Retardation on Ice

If you were ever wondering when it was a good time to declare that some good ol' fashioned sensibility has gone to absolute pot...I will now inform you of the following fresh from the Fashion World: I...
Posted by on Fri, 17 Mar 2006 13:03:00 GMT

Attention: People who say "He/She's Good People"

You Need: -1 Toaster-4 cigarettes-1 blindfold-1 cd readable boom box-A simple plan's "How Could This Happen to Me" on cd-a bathtub with a current water bill payment Have a very dear friend draw a bath...
Posted by on Wed, 22 Feb 2006 14:22:00 GMT

Adventures in Toilet Bowl Genocide...A Tragedy in 2 Acts

True story...names have been changed to protect the innocent (namely me).         &n bsp;         &n bsp; &...
Posted by on Tue, 22 Nov 2005 15:47:00 GMT

The Jackass Movement

I would like to open this blog post with a political statement that is entirely stupid and serves only to prove that the user of said statement is a dumbass:Posting that practically makes me a sh...
Posted by on Mon, 12 Sep 2005 17:46:00 GMT

One for the Road

I've been on a road trip with the fam! We're heading up to Sequoia National Park to do god knows what. I'm loving it though as my car...what most of you know as "The Greene Machine" cant go past 60 wi...
Posted by on Wed, 06 Jul 2005 19:16:00 GMT

Steve's 6 Easy Ways to Spot a Cyberwhore

Cyber whores are whores without a street corner, they are "lesser whores"  whores without a place to peddle their collective wares... A cyber whore sets up camp right here online. How to Spot a...
Posted by on Wed, 29 Jun 2005 00:29:00 GMT

143, BBL, LVU, KIT, BFFL...still not cutting it? Ive got one for you...

D.I.E. Welcome to Steve Greene's MySpace for Dummies! (insert fancy non impressive waste of time ASCII rose here) (insert pointless music video here) (insert random witty retort like "all guys suck L...
Posted by on Sat, 11 Jun 2005 00:22:00 GMT