Master Splinter

My name is Master Splinter. I get high quite a lot and won't tolerate insubordination from my Turtle's. I currently am living at April's place since I can't afford my own place ... weed and pizza have really set me back. April is cool though. She knows I'm good for this month's rent payment, I swear. I tried to deal for a bit but I just kept using all the stuff myself and buying even more pizza. It was also tough to sell drugs as a 4 foot rat that smells like shit. I often have to have April cut the shit that gets matted into my fur and robe. I tell you, my son ... It's not easy being Splinter ... oh god ... I'm so high right now. You have no idea. I am defecating in my robe as I type this ... I hope the smell does not wake April up. I usually go up to the rooftop to get high since April doesn't let me do my stuff inside ... I sometimes lose track of time and stay up there for a whole week ... Oh shit ... I'm so fucking high.