God Damn Mike

The last time my car ran out of gas, a man pulled over and offered to help. After handing me a beer, he ran off to fill a jerry can and my car was up and running in no time. Such kindness and good will is rare these days. He said his name was Raphael, and he was among the choir of archangels under the wing of God. Most people turn their noses up at such a bible blithering intro, but I couldn't doubt him for a second. I pitied him for getting banished or killed in heaven and re-born in manitoba, but thankful nonetheless. He mentioned the return of this Jesus fellow within 7 to 11 years, saying he'll be back to reclaim his land. I think he may already be here, but he's keeping a low profile because he remembers the last time he stirred shit up with the wrong crowd ----------------------------------------------------------- "God" is a 3 letter word in the english language that is as irrelevent as the word "Cat". I should know because I talk to them sometimes. They have weird names that I can never remember, and I'm horrible with names, and they always say the same thing after they introduce themselves, "...the name is not important." Those beings that I've met bear a striking resemblance to those mentioned in various cultures. I met with Satan once or twice, he had a different name but I knew it was him. Good guy to party with, but he's got a mean streak that's best avoided at all costs. I also met this pink elephant lookin dude (acid is awesome, by the way) with four arms, similar to the hindu god Gnish. I asked it about the four arm deal and it said this, "You can't be a parent to these creatures with a whole brain. You must learn to control each aspect of your psyche so that they act on your own command. When time calls for war, you must unleash the warrior within without fail nor yield. As well as when leadership is needed, you must channel all of your charismatic might that would seem completely out of the question when you're as shy as myself most of the time." Ambidexterous? Try quasidexterous! This character also told me how it jerked off three trolls and one leprechaun while snorting a huge rail of active thermite and shitting on 1000 rwandan sex slaves the last time it let its' party animal out ----------------------------------------------------------- Another one told me this fancy tale of wisdom...Humans don't have the mental capacity to fully understand the essance of life, the universe, and everything any more than a pot leaf could understand the drug trade. Instead they make up stories based on sentient beings with awesome power and the characters who encounter them. These stories were meant to provide insight on how to achieve happiness, unfortunately these stories get twisted and warped to the point where they no longer become stories. They become beliefs. Beliefs that can be so dangerous that people are willing to give their lives here on earth so that others can be wiped out. Wars erupt and carnage ensues. It is the exact opposite of their indended purpose. There is no true way in our abilities as man to truly understand how the universe really works. The best we can do is live life and enjoy it while we can. If life isn't enjoyable, then maybe the best you can do is remember all the pleasentries life has brought you in the past. If there is nothing pleasing in life to remember, and you are faced with death without any hope of being saved, then maybe you can be thankful that life won't be troubling you much longer.