"I would be very careful about using our troops as nation builders."
--George W. Bush
Boston, MA
10/03/2000
in the first 2000 Presidential debate
How Ironic:
"If a person doesn't have the capacity that we all want that person to have, I suspect hope is in the far distant future, if at all."
--George W. Bush
05/22/2001
Hypocrisy:
"It's unacceptable to think that there's any kind of comparison between the behavior of the United States of America and the action of Islamic extremists who kill innocent women and children to achieve an objective."
--George W. Bush
"Identity Correction:
Honest people impersonate big-time criminals in order to publicly humiliate them. Targets are leaders and big corporations who put profits ahead of everything else."
- The Yes Men
www.theyesmen.org
My fellow Americans,
You know, I just gotta ask you folks to do somethin.
On 9/11, the evildoers mad a lot of noise.
It was hard for some of us to think.
I wanna lissen to everyone, but it's hard for me to hear myself think now.
I gotta ask all Americans to be quiet a minute so I can I can think. Just for a minute. Please?
Bush Talks May Embolden Comedians, Snow Warns
Press Secretary Tony Snow has warned President Bush that further speeches will "only embolden comedians to further ridicule his positions". Snow made his remarks following President Bush's State of The Union Addess last January.
"I work my ass off, trying to intimidate the press corps, and keep them off our backs. Then, the idiot goes on TV and spills a bunch of bull that is completely contrary to everything he does", Snow went on to say.
"First, it was Jon Stewart and the late night shows. Now, he's emboldened 40 million internet users. There's fourteen hundred George Bushes on Myspace now, for crying out loud! He's emboldened a whole new generation of comics!", said Snow.
Bush Asks for "Nuclear Football" Based On Nintendo Wii Platform
President Bush has asked the Department of Defense for the portable nuclear command briefcase, known as "The Football", to be converted to the new Nintendo Wii platform.
The Nintendo platform allows the player mimic real-to-life body movements like swings and jabs instead of using the typical button keypads.
"These buttons, they ain't like my Gameboy or X-Box", said President Bush. "If I'm gonna be playin' this nukular (sic) thing, and I wanna win, then I wanna use the nunchuks".
UNCLE GEORGE NEEDS YOU!
Hey Younguns,
Ya know, I think I'm doin real good in Baghdad, but the problem is, I'm kinda runnin' out of troops!
That's how you guys can help! If ya got any kind of uniform, WE WANT YOU!
We need you in Iraq to help keep things in order! You know, helpin' old Iraqis across the street, handin' out tickets to evil-doers, takin' names, just like at school!
Boy Scouts, Cub Scouts, hall monitors, you can help!
JOIN THE BUSH YOUTH!
"I'm not going to talk about what I did as a child. What I am going to talk about -- and I am going to say this consistently -- [is that] it is irrelevant what I did 20 to 30 years ago. What's relevant is that I have learned from any mistakes I made. I do not want to send signals to anybody that what Gov. Bush did 30 years ago is cool to try."
-George W. Bush
MAKE THE PIE HIGHER
by George W. Bush
I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.
Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope, where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!