There was a creature of incredible and legendary foulness named Voorhies. birthed by the shards of a million broken bottles and suckled upon the milk of futile prayer, Voorhies was for a time strong and whole. Voorhies devoured entire cultures with its hideous, decieving mouth, in appearance a sensual pair of feminine lips surrounded by a thick moustache of greasy tentacles. Chaos reigned in the hearts of men during these dark times, and naught was sure. The old ways ceased to be followed and much wisdom dissapeared in the murk of ignorance and sophomoric potty humor. it was during this era of angst and idiotic laughter that there appeared rumors of a relic of much power, rumors that indicated that the stregnth within said object could banish the world of the terrible plague of Voorhies' hunger. The item was known as Monkey Paw, and to quest for it was to be lured by many imitators, for its wiles were manifold. upon such a quest 4 young men, much like yourselves, set out upon one fateful day many years ago. Their names were not important, nor the story of the exciting events they experienced upon their long and arduous journey. No, it does not bear repeating here how Ross, with his flaxen locks, battled ferociously with a twisted shadow self, created accidently by straying from the quest to play darts instead of prioritize band practice, and defeated this half-Ross Half-meathead creature by wizing up and rearranging his schedule. Nay, it is completely irrelevant to relate here how Claytor, the mentally well-defended, tamed and rode the mighty Pterrordactyl Rex to its eerie upon the snow clad peaks of Mount Rogers, and fed its young with the severed clitorises gathered from the brothels of Athens, Specifically, Oriental Massage on Gaines School Road.
Again, it is thouroughly beside the point and all together uncalled for to tell of Shannon, The Golden Throated, and his long courtship among the she beasts of the fire-yeti.The point is, their quest was a success and Monkey Paw was found. Victorious, the fearsome foursome presently mustered their forces to do battle with the terrible Voorhies.
The legends of Monkey Paw were true, and many warriors responded to the victorious fours' call to arms. After the beast Voorhies had been deprived of his arms, legs and head, leaving Just a Torso behind, all knew that Monkey Paw had been a valuable asset indeed. Unfortunately, a sticker on the freezer at Tasty World made the triumphant four realize they could never use Monkey Paw again. So in conclusion, nexusnul.
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