OMFG... HOW DID AIMEE GET SO FRIGGIN' AWESOME?
I am considerably more awesome than 93% of the human population and 68% of the squirrel population.
I am not interesting at all. Well, except for my third arm that I cleverly disguise as a back hump.
I am obsessed with weight loss. One day I hope to get down to a svelte 800 lbs but that's a ways off. For now I patrol the oceans of Kansas as the elusive Inland Humpback Whale.
I hate drugstore cosmetics. They make me feel generic and
ugly. I’ve found that, as I get older, I get more high-maintenance. I used to not give a shit about how I look but now I won’t leave the house without makeup. You just never know who you’ll run into and I don’t want to meet someone and have them think, “DAMN, that bitch looks tore up...â€
It has been said that I eat like a chipmunk. I disagree; just because I prefer to eat with my hands... erm, both hands... and am always on the look-out for an ambush does not mean that I eat like a chipmunk.
I like making out but not with you. Yeah, you are a douche and you smell like cabbage.
I like robots, zombies, pirates, and dinosaurs. Oh, and ninjas; I'm terrified of being attacked by ninjas. You never know where or when they'll leap out and roundhouse kick your head clean off your neck.
I want to be Asian when I grow up or more accurately *azn*, I believe.
I like cranberry juice (with vodka), coffee (daily), Diet Coke (with rum), Southern Comfort, and Jack Daniel's... I'm not a lush. I try to stay away from tequila, though; Jose Cuervo always kicks my ass.
I am hardcore gangsta. I bust caps in butts so you best watch your step.
I dislike stupid people mostly because stupid people tend to breed more than those of a sound and functioning mind. If I were in charge, stupid people would be sterilized which should lead to a drastic decline in Insane Clown Posse album sales and a lot of unused MySpace pages.
I like music that doesn't suck... to me.
I am shy and I generally don't enjoy being in crowded places unless I can drink then I don't care.
I don't feel sorry for the morbidly obese. No one forced you to sit on your fat ass all day eating Twinkies and watching reruns of Jenny Jones. Get off of your ass and walk around the block, and no, you can't take the Twinkies with you.
Though I like myself, I’d like to lose some weight because the media says I should look like I’ve spent a year in Auschwitz in order to look sexy. What the media say, I do because I’m American and that’s the American way.
I am afraid of people in costumes. Clowns, mascots, and the like seriously frighten me. My face feels hot and my hands get clammy; it’s not at all a good thing.
I like kids, but not in large groups because large groups of children scare me. Tiny hands flailing all over, coughing and breathing their child diseases and who knows what else on me. *shudder*
Sometimes I find myself counting my fingers and toes just to make sure I didn't accidentally grow an extra one. You can never be too careful with these things.
I love Dance Dance Revolution but I refuse to play it in public. I don’t wish anyone to witness my fat ass jumping and bouncing around.
I like people who understand the difference between “your†and “you’re†and realize that “ur†is an unacceptable substitution for either one. However, “yr†is acceptable when attempting to type like Jack Kerouac.
I can be a sarcastic bitch. If you want to feel like you’ve been screwed lube-less with a spiked club, go ahead and get on my bad side.
If you don’t understand my sense of humor then you should just leave. I don’t have the time or patience to explain it to you. So I leave it in your hands to take the proactive approach by doing shot after shot of bleach because the last thing this world needs is another mental-deficient running around to ruin my day.
And... you suck... yeah... YOU... because you're a worthless turd... and not hardcore like me... HUZZAH!
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Thanks a million, suckas!
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