the ninja(e) j9 profile picture

the ninja(e) j9

Lady, people aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards

About Me

Which Scrubs Character are You?
Dr. Cox
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And they shouldn't give you the option to change your license plate so easily...If you see me, honk!

My Interests


Flash Countdown

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Kingdom of Loathing!

    Kingdom of Loathing can not regurgitate.The Australian billygoat plum contains a hundred times more Vitamin C than Kingdom of Loathing.During World War II, Americans tried to train Kingdom of Loathing to drop bombs.Ancient Chinese artists would never paint pictures of Kingdom of Loathing!Kingdom of Loathing can clean its ears with its tongue, which is over thirty-nine inches long.Ancient Greeks believed earthquakes were caused by Kingdom of Loathing fighting underground!The Vikings believed that the Northern lights were caused by Kingdom of Loathing as it rode out to collect warriors slain in battle!Kingdom of Loathing is the oldest playable musical instrument in the world!If you chew gum while peeling Kingdom of Loathing then it will stop you from crying.Pacman was originally called Kingdom of Loathingman.
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I'd like to meet:



The inventor of the spork because it's truly the world's most useful invention ever. Though it could be improved if the handle also doubled as a knife. However that might make it sort of complicated when attempting to grip the utensil in order to actually eat with it. Unless, of course, you held it delicately between your thumb and index finger at a rakish angle. Then you're probably OK. I would also like to meet George Clooney because he is truly the most intelligent, witty and talented man on the planet. I find it difficult to believe that there is not one single solitary individual, man or woman, who does not want to have sex with George at least one in their lives. And if you say that you are, in fact, that one person I would have to say "sir, you are a lying douchebag and should be ashamed of yourself!" Though, in all honesty, it would probably be such an intense experience that they would either spontaneously combust upon completion of the act or kill themselves because they could never have that ever again. That is how powerful a man George is. Which is why I'd like to have dinner with him at the the KFC where we could eat our mashed potatoes with sporks and discuss world issues and play footsie under the table. (Please take note of my amazing ability to integrate both the spork and George Clooney into one truly meaningful act of fine dining.)

Music:

all I can say is "yay!"

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Nine inch nails!

    Research indicates that nine inch nails will be attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.Nine inch nails have only one weakness - the colour yellow.When nine inch nails are swallowed, they will enter the blood stream within twenty minutes!Medieval knights put the skin of nine inch nails on their sword handles to improve the grip.Plato believed that the souls of melancholy people would be reincarnated into nine inch nails.By tradition, a girl standing under nine inch nails cannot refuse to be kissed by anyone who claims the privilege.Ancient Greeks believed earthquakes were caused by nine inch nails fighting underground!Nine inch nails were first grown in America by the grandmother Maria Ann Smith, from whom their name comes.In the Spanish edition of Cluedo, nine inch nails are the victim.Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are nine inch nails.
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Movies:



Television:



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Books:

R.I.F.F. (Reading Is Fucking Fantastic!)
Christopher Moore "Lamb" (Subtitled "The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal" I mean, who can't not want to read that book?! And if this is as awesome as I'm assuming it to be I shall then pick up one of this other books. Maybe "Island of the Sequined Love Nun" simply because it wins out, but just by a smidge, over "The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove".) And, remember kids, books are your friends until you get a raging paper cut and it gets infected with syphilis and you have to have it cut off.

Heroes:

A hero ain't nothing but a sandwich...
Everyone at Asymmetric Publications...

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

My Blog

The most dangerous game

One of the Tweedles quit&I still can't tell them apart and, well, now I don't have to.  Unfortunately, we're left with the scary one; the one that reminds me of John Wayne Gacy.  Except he d...
Posted by the ninja(e) j9 on Wed, 06 Jun 2007 06:00:00 PST

Much like Limp Bizkit...Things I shall never understand

Why don't babies turn my insides to Jell-O?  And I'm not even asking for the good red flavor...Nasty green or whatever that opaque white kind is you tend to find at Chinese buffets (coconut? ...
Posted by the ninja(e) j9 on Tue, 05 Jun 2007 06:23:00 PST

when the world shits on you...in spades

I've lost a friend...A friend I haven't even had long enough to grow tired of.  He doesn't need me anymore; I'll miss him.  I'm losing another friend...Her new job will take her more than a ...
Posted by the ninja(e) j9 on Sat, 02 Jun 2007 03:39:00 PST

the Compton Amish...

The Brokeback Boys singing "I'm Coming Out" in two-part harmony scared me yesterday...Stop giving me so much material with which to work...Now I know how Jon Stewart feels about George Bush...Truly.Es...
Posted by the ninja(e) j9 on Sat, 02 Jun 2007 07:25:00 PST

Soul Crusher

I woke up at 3AM in the midst of a dream about Britney Spears and a trailer park.  I'm not quite sure what was going on and I probably don't want to know but I do have "Toxic" stuck in my head an...
Posted by the ninja(e) j9 on Fri, 01 Jun 2007 05:56:00 PST

no, I think that's "ironic"...

The Wheel of Fortune...Honestly, how 'bout Big Bag of Leeches?  Or the Wheel of Misfortune...Why do we have to bribe adults to do shit?  Really.  Once you hit 30 you probably ought to b...
Posted by the ninja(e) j9 on Thu, 31 May 2007 07:48:00 PST

Use your delusion pt. 2

So not only (in my head) has my brilliant masterpiece I call a "graphic novel" been published (self and then for real by...let's say Penguin due to my love of the monochromatic flightless waterfoul) B...
Posted by the ninja(e) j9 on Mon, 28 May 2007 07:18:00 PST

Better living through death...

I spent way too much time watching this documentary on heavy metal last night only to come to the following conclusion:  Norway looks a lot like Bisbee but with more lakes.  And the people o...
Posted by the ninja(e) j9 on Sun, 27 May 2007 08:16:00 PST

Yo ho...

I really don't know where anyone gets off on trying to squash my joy at having seen "Pirates of the Caribbean" by saying it was too long and the plot was jumpy.  Hello...you watch baseball! ...
Posted by the ninja(e) j9 on Sat, 26 May 2007 07:57:00 PST

and a stapler...

Kindly keep your toes out of my bowl of Frosted Flakes...You know it's going to be a bad day when you start to pour Kosher salt into your cereal bowl in lieu of cereal.  Mmmmmmmmmmtasty.  Ev...
Posted by the ninja(e) j9 on Thu, 24 May 2007 06:07:00 PST