the ninja(e) j9

I'd like to meet:

The inventor of the spork because it's truly the world's most useful invention ever. Though it could be improved if the handle also doubled as a knife. However that might make it sort of complicated when attempting to grip the utensil in order to actually eat with it. Unless, of course, you held it delicately between your thumb and index finger at a rakish angle. Then you're probably OK. I would also like to meet George Clooney because he is truly the most intelligent, witty and talented man on the planet. I find it difficult to believe that there is not one single solitary individual, man or woman, who does not want to have sex with George at least one in their lives. And if you say that you are, in fact, that one person I would have to say "sir, you are a lying douchebag and should be ashamed of yourself!" Though, in all honesty, it would probably be such an intense experience that they would either spontaneously combust upon completion of the act or kill themselves because they could never have that ever again. That is how powerful a man George is. Which is why I'd like to have dinner with him at the the KFC where we could eat our mashed potatoes with sporks and discuss world issues and play footsie under the table. (Please take note of my amazing ability to integrate both the spork and George Clooney into one truly meaningful act of fine dining.)

Music:

all I can say is "yay!"

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Nine inch nails!

Research indicates that nine inch nails will be attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.Nine inch nails have only one weakness - the colour yellow.When nine inch nails are swallowed, they will enter the blood stream within twenty minutes!Medieval knights put the skin of nine inch nails on their sword handles to improve the grip.Plato believed that the souls of melancholy people would be reincarnated into nine inch nails.By tradition, a girl standing under nine inch nails cannot refuse to be kissed by anyone who claims the privilege.Ancient Greeks believed earthquakes were caused by nine inch nails fighting underground!Nine inch nails were first grown in America by the grandmother Maria Ann Smith, from whom their name comes.In the Spanish edition of Cluedo, nine inch nails are the victim.Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are nine inch nails.

Movies:

Television:

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Books:

R.I.F.F. (Reading Is Fucking Fantastic!)
Christopher Moore "Lamb" (Subtitled "The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal" I mean, who can't not want to read that book?! And if this is as awesome as I'm assuming it to be I shall then pick up one of this other books. Maybe "Island of the Sequined Love Nun" simply because it wins out, but just by a smidge, over "The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove".) And, remember kids, books are your friends until you get a raging paper cut and it gets infected with syphilis and you have to have it cut off.

Heroes:

A hero ain't nothing but a sandwich...
Everyone at Asymmetric Publications...

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net