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TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Joseph Wylie,,,but you can call me sir or just put a Mr. in front of whatever you address me as,,,so Mr. Asshole is totally fine.
Birthday: January 31,,,so go ahead and send your late gifts now or if you want to get a jump on next year that's ok also.
Birthplace: If you want to get technical I guess you can say in my father's testicles.
Current Location: Some hellhole in Texas,it all pretty much looks the same here so it really doesn't matter,fat chicks,red necks,and fucking illegal aliens,,,let's motherfucking party.
Eye Color: Brown,,,someone told me once it was because I was so full of shit,,,it might have been my parents,,,god bless them for loving me so much.
Hair Color: Same as my eyes,,,shit color,,,errr brown.
Height: What the fuck?! What idiot knows how tall they are off hand,,,I have no idea,,,bunch of idiots.
Right Handed or Left Handed: I can masturbate with both,so I'm good to go,now all I need to learn how to do is give myself head.
Your Heritage: Um,,,I'm part mexican and uhhh part whatever the hell else I am,,,I'll go with gorilla.
The Shoes You Wore Today: My black steel toed boots,,,I love those boots,,,love the sound of skulls crushing with those babies.
Your Weakness: Eh,probably giving a fuck about the people I actually give a fuck about too much,,,shit can come back to bite you on the ass.
Your Fears: Getting kicked in the nuts at random,,,and if you have balls,you know how much that shit hurts.
Your Perfect Pizza: Pepperoni,extra cheese,green peppers,bacon,,,all served on a hot asian chick,,,mmmmmm.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: To not get told I'm an asshole or a total cunt by someone,,,I failed that on January 1st.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Lol,,,lol,,,lol,,,you can shove your fucking lol up your ass,,,lol.
Thoughts First Waking Up: The first person that says one word to me is going to be eating fist.
Your Best Physical Feature: My uhhh,,,well uhhh,,,it sure as hell wouldn't be my pee pee,so I'm going to have to go with my uhhh,,,I guess my eyes,I try to look as evil as possible with them.
Your Bedtime: What the hell am I like 12,,,I don't have a bedtime,but when I'm working I usually crash right when I got off at 7am,,,heh I typed when I get off.
Your Most Missed Memory: I can't remember my most missed memory,,,fuckheads.
Pepsi or Coke: Both can be smashed in hookers faces,,,so either or is fine with me.
MacDonalds or Burger King: Oh yeah throw that out there for the fat person here,,,this question is prejudice against fat people,,,well I won't stand for this,,,no really I won't stand for it cause I'm sitting my fat ass on the couch.
Single or Group Dates: I don't date,dating is for little girls and guys with no balls,,,I just order some really hot hookers
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Heh,,,another little girl or ballless guy question,,,or an old lady question,real men don't drink tea damnit.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Anything that's smothered on a really hot asian stripper,,,with cherries on top.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Neither,,,the first one is mildly homosexual and coffee makes me shit like a horse.
Do you Smoke: Yes,,,and it's a bad fucking habit.I'm looking forward to lung cancer,,,years of painful radiation,and surgeries here I come,,,but it's ok,cause I look so fucking cool now when I smoke,chicks fucking dig it.
Do you Swear: What the fuck kind of cunting shit question is this,,,do I fucking swear,,,ok this question was just asking for something like this as only I could deliver it.
Do you Sing: Only when I'm dismembering bodies,,,so once twice a week tops.
Do you Shower Daily: Yes,,,and I wipe my ass after I shit.
Have you Been in Love: Love is for little girls and guys who watch the lifetime channel,,,fuck love,,,and fuck you too.
Do you want to go to College: I want to pick up some hot college chicks,,,I hear most of them are real slutty,,,mmmmm slutty.
Do you want to get Married: Why so I can have some chick telling me on a daily basis how I'll never amount to anything,,,maybe,,,if she gives good head.
Do you belive in yourself: No one else is going to,,,and I don't want to be like everybody else.
Do you get Motion Sickness: Nah,but if I get kicked in the nuts hard enough I'll puke.
Do you think you are Attractive: I look like the elephant man had sex with a gorilla then puked up a deformed child
Are you a Health Freak: Heh,,,I'm fat ok,,,lets just get that out there right now.
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes,now that I have their heads in jars we hardly ever fight anymore.
Do you like Thunderstorms: I also like sunsets and sunrises,long walks on the beach,talking about my feelings and getting the shit kicked out of me for liking all these things.
Do you play an Instrument: Just the old meat trambone.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Shit,I think for the past fucking month I've lived off of fucking alcohol.
In the past month have you Smoked: I've smoked lots of things in the past month,,,numerous things that could get me fired from my shitty job and land me in jail.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Heh,I find it ironic how I'm rolling a motherfucking joint as I do this crap survey.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Some of these fucking questions are starting to fucking repeat here,,,no I'm a sad and lonely fuck,,,someone love me,,,bunch of bleeding heart cunts.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: The mall,,,yeah like me and my friends totally hang at "the mall",me and Rose shared a fruit cup and oh my god Jane totally told me she has a crush on Tom,,,like for real.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Oreo's don't come in boxes,,,or do they?,,,and if they do I'm so there.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Not sure if I've ever eaten sushi,,,so that's a no.
In the past month have you been on Stage: My dreams is to have my name in lights and be dancing on broadway,,,I'm going to make it someday I really am,,,heavy on the sarcasm please.
In the past month have you been Dumped: I never asked how much they charge to be dumped on,,,that's kind of sick anyways.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Nothing skinny about it when I go dipping sucka.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No,I'm too afraid i'll get caught and go to jail and end up some guys bitch,,,and I like my asshole to stay intact.
Ever been Drunk: Sure,that's how I got through high school,,,and also how I ended up banging so many fat ugly chicks.
Ever been called a Tease: Nope,I put out.I'm one big slut.
Ever been Beaten up: Um yeah,but the shit with me is,I sure as hell ain't afraid of an ass whipping,fuck if the guy can kick my ass,,,I'm just not backing down from a fight like some fucking ballless fuck.
Ever Shoplifted: Yeah,,,fuck I have no witty comment for this question.
How do you want to Die: Having my heart explode after having a wild crazy orgy with 50 hot asian hookers,,,ahh what better way to go.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Anything where I get to kick someone's face in nightly,get paid tons of cash,work once a week,and get to bang hot chicks,,,anyone know of a place like this,hook me up
What country would you most like to Visit: Doesn't matter,I'm not going anywhere,,,
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: I prefer my chicks to have their eyes gouged out so they can't see what a horrid monster I am.
Favourite Hair Color: I have a thing for hair,,,doesn't matter what color,as long as it's hot,,,funny story,I saw this chick one time that had really hot hair,,,so I was checking her out,but when I went up to talk to her she turned around,had stubble and a deeper voice than mine,,,ugh,it was a tranny,,,with really hot hair,,,I lost a piece of my soul that day.
Short or Long Hair: Doesn't matter as long as it's not a tranny.
Height: I prefer not to date a midget,,,I don't like them,other than that I don't give a fuck.
Weight: Doesn't matter,I do want to fuck a chick the size of a bus though,,,for shits and giggles.
Best Clothing Style: Doesn't matter as long as they come off,,,and she gives good head.
Number of Drugs I have taken: Hahah,tons,,,tons and tons of drugs,,,hell I swallowed the blue and red pill,,,just to see what would happen.
Number of CDs I own: I have no idea and I'm not about to go count them.
Number of Piercings: 3,,,all in my ear.
Number of Tattoos: I forgot how to count,,,but I do have some groovy neato tattoos,,,get naked and I'll show them to you,,,err,that only applies to the ladies.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: I have no regrets about anything I've done,,,except sleeping with that really slutty chick,cause afterwards I had a rash on my balls for weeks,,,oh yeah,and taking this fucking survey,,,what a waste of fucking time.
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