Ryan

My mother changed her mind about abortion, and so I came to be. At the height of my fashion-sense I owned over 50 Nike t-shirts. I'm anti-peanut butter, even though I've never tasted it. I haven't thrown up since 1992, when I puked on the door to Sister Maria Michael's classroom, in a failed attempt to reach the bathroom. I'm widely regarded as the world's greatest unpublished poet. I look like a prick in a baseball hat. I've listened to Bob Dylan's "Highway 61 Revisited" album approximately 200 times. I used to lie during confession. I get a haircut every 6 months. I only eat dinner on friday nights, in the form of two slices of pepperoni pizza. I've never used a cellphone. I have a collection of over 500 pro wrestling tapes. In the summer of 1996 I was the greatest street-hockey player in the world. I've never been dealt pocket aces in a live poker game. I got straight A's five semesters in a row in college. My favorite song is "Supper's Ready" by Genesis. My least favorite song is "Sweet Home Alabama" by Lynyrd Skynyrd. I like television more than movies. I haven't combed my hair since the spring of 2001. I've written over 70 sonnets. None published. I've seen Radiohead in concert 8 times. I've never been to school on my birthday. I've never had a job. Since the summer of 2000 I've eaten at least two bowls of cereal every night. I'm notoriously anti-motorcycles. I used to run a rock and roll record review site. I've never been in a taxi. I haven't been on an airplane since I was two. For a two-week period in the early '90s I used an asthma inhaler. I had forgotten how to breathe. I haven't been to the doctor since 1996. I don't feel tardy.