Member Since: 30/12/2006
Band Website: http://www.wattersbrothers.com
Band Members: Other members? Who cares!!! Again, I am the BEST & MOST IMPORTANT jazz & ALL STYLE trumpeter in HISTORY. Case in point -- after a recent Wynton Marsalis concert, I went backstage & gave him a few pointers on how to have better technique & be more musical in general. He was nervous (what with me standing in front of him), but he appreciated it & tried to pay me for the lesson. Of course, with me being among the Forbes Top 10 Wealthiest People on Earth, I declined his meager (to me) offering... Nice kid, that Wynton.It doesn't hurt that I am EXTREMELY handsome & well-built. I've recently had to hire a rent-a-cop just to keep watch outside of my house (you've seen those news clips of The Beatles getting mobbed by women? That's NOTHING compared to what I have to deal with...). Women lose ALL self-control in my presence.
More on this a little further down the page...
Again, back to the trumpet stuff (in other words, the EASY stuff for me)...Freddie Hubbard... HAH. Woody Shaw learned all of his harmonic so-called INNOVATIONS from ME. Rolf Smedvig? He's a semi-convincing Ken imitator -- that's all I can say for that guy. Nicholas Payton? Doesn't he play football or something? Because he SURE can't play trumpet like ME. Till Bronner? His parents actually named him TILL? Come on... Chris Botti? He DOES keep his horn quite shiny & his hair highlighted -- I'll say that for him (plus, he DID "get with" Katie Couric, but that was ONLY after I stopped answering her calls).
Hakan Hardenberger WHO??? Sounds like some fancy-assed $14 hamburger made with deer meat & goat cheese or something. I guess that he thinks that he can actually play classical. Right... Plus, come on! Hell, I can't even spell his NAME & I won the INTERNATIONAL SPELLING BEE TWELVE TIMES IN A ROW. And what kind of name is HAKAN anyway??? If he had the sense God (me) gave a bag of hammers, he would've changed his weird-assed name to something like "Bo" or "Jimmy" when he turned 18. Nope - ole' Hocked Hamburger (or whatever his name is) isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, obviously. Well, obviously to ME, anyway -- did I mention that I am the National President of MENSA? Women want me because of that, too. ALL of 'em.
But I digress... Let's get back to my trumpet genius, shall we?
To quote a line from one of my good buddy Spike Lee's films "If (Wynton) ever DREAMS of f$%&king me up, he'd better WAKE UP & apologize."
The New York Philharmonic, Boston Symphony Orchestra, Cleveland Orchestra, Philadelphia Orchestra, London Symphony Orchestra & Berlin Philharmonic ALL wine & dine me NIGHTLY. Their dilemmas are simple: I am but one man (well, GOD, to be more accurate) & all of these orchestras need me on ALL THREE trumpet parts. This is why they must settle for inferior trumpeters just to fill the positions. However, for my advice on phrasing, tone, intonation & general musical interpretation (including my uncanny insight into specific era-related approaches to classical works), I am paid well enough to share the same tax bracket as Bill Gates.
OK, now back to ME:
My sound is FAR superior to any other musician (any instrument), let alone other trumpeters.
Maurice Andre was ALWAYS calling me (drove me crazy, I swear) for advice on interpretation. Most of his recordings are actually of ME -- in return for HUGE amounts of money, I would let him record me & his name & face went on the album covers. Wolfgang Amadeus WHO??? Wasn't he kind of a wuss -- all frail & stuff? Is that why he was famous? I only wish that I was around in his time so that I could'v taught him a little about composition... And BACH??? Come on! Didn't he write "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" or something??? Bach... Dude couldn't write books OR music, could he? HELLO! MUSIC ISN'T SUPPOSED TO SOUND LIKE A TRIG 101 CLASS OR SOMETHING!!! HELLO!!! And Gil Evans? Nope... Thought he was all COOL by making records with that dentist's son from East St. Louis (I forgot his name -- crappy trumeter though, plus he was always stuck in one era - never changed...). And those British dudes Lennon & McCartney? HAH! I laugh at the mere THOUGHT that they were under the impression they could even lick my toes compositionally.
Bless their little hearts -- all of 'em... Mark Chapman WAS kinda wrong to shoot John Lennon, though. Probably ruined that nice shirt he had on (which I gave him, by the way). In fact, Mark David Chapman owes be exactly $24.95 for the shirt... I'm gonna call Montlick & Associates.NOW BACK TO ME...
I am also an actor & a model. The only reason that you may not have seen me in many movies is that Brad Pitt & those guys pay me to stay home (Angelina was after me -- it got annoying). Tyra Banks keeps calling, wanting me to co-host that show of hers as well. Good thing I have caller ID.
Incidentally, Halle Berry & Jennifer Lopez are also on my trail. They follow me around like stray puppies or something... (J-LO heard that I used to play with Marc, so she pulled the "one less degree of separation" thing to better her chances with ME).
Oh, and did I mention that I am HUGE in Europe? Audrey Tatou is smitten with me, as is Jacqueline Bissett, Emma Thompson & that Zeta-Jones hussy. Jessica Lange asked me to marry her a few days ago. Bought me a 7-inch diamond, 40,000 carat gold, platinum & silver ring, but I had to decline. She's not hot enough for me, plain & simple. Never was. Antonio Banderas (TONY to me, naturally) frequently asks me which skin exfoliant I use to retain that ever-present youthful "glow."KEN WATTERS' PHILOSOPHY ON MUSIC:Music is a SPORT, not an art. All male trumpeters should have moustaches & wear fish net T-shirts when they perform. High notes are a direct sign of virility.
I can, by the way, play notes so high that only a dog can hear them. LOUDLY & ALL NIGHT LONG, baby! But, of course, all-the-while swinging & driving the band in a way that's almost too tasteful for my "subordinate" players onstage with me to handle (they actually miss entrances because they're staring at me in awe -- HAH! Good kids, all of 'em).
History will show that in the grand scheme of music, Ken Watters is FAR more important than Jelly Roll, Bolden, Satchmo, Bird, Beethoven, Wagner, Mahler, Ellington, Stravinsky, John Cage, Bartok, Mozart & ESPECIALLY both Haydn and Handel. What were these cats doing - "music by numbers" or something? Harmonically whipped-puppy style wusses...TO MY TEENAGE FANS (you know I love ya...):I know that you've been waiting, but info on THE KEN WATTERS FAN CLUB (AKA the KWFC -- it'll be "going viral" soon) is coming -- keep checking my websites, or simply watch NBC, ABC, CBS, TBN, TNT, TBS, Animal Planet, Letterman, Leno, Fergusen, The Simpsons, Sesame Street, Southpark, Desperate Housewives (where I'll soon be the new hot "love interest" for Terri (Hatcher), HGTV, MSNBC, Oprah, The View, Larry King Live, Jerry Springer, Hell's Kitchen (did I mention that I can cook better than that Brit who hosts the show?), QVC, BETJ, Fox or CNN news -- they'll all let you know about the fan club.KEN'S CONTACT INFO:
(256)603-5059 (cell)
[email protected]
http://www.wattersbrothers.com
http://myspace.com/riyeljazzOR, you can simply PRAY to me. I'll get back to you when I can -- you know - in my own famous mysterious way & according to my master plan for you, of course... I may just decide to set a bush ablaze or something . Who knows...
Influences: ME. In other words, GOD. (Me)
Sounds Like: Man cannot POSSIBLY comprehend the degree of pure beauty emanating from Ken's trumpet when the "breath of Ken" flows like the gentle California Santa Ana winds though this lucky-to-be-held / lucky-to-be-owned structure of burnished brass.
Anyone who hears Ken (well, GOD) play is a truly blessed individual. EVEN I am envious of my audiences.First there was that fiddle dude Paganini, whom everyone thought was kinda good.
Now there is ME. Ain't no "KINDA GOOD" about it, either when it's KEN-TIME... Before each live performance (which I command fees in the high 7 figures), I have to see that an ambulance ("bus," as we former Green Berets call them) is present & ready.
I am SO damned good that people often have either strokes or heart attacks as soon as I begin. My trumpet sound is the most soothing yet exciting, inspiring yet calming, GOD-LIKE thing that any mortal will ever experience. I am a miracle, plain & simple. I live in North Georgia near Lake Lanier. Last week, just for ya-hoos, I walked out into the middle of the lake & PARTED IT. Freaked a few boaters out! I'm very funny, I know...Plus, again, women ALL want me. Men, lock up your wives & daughters -- "once you've had Ken, you'll never go back," goes the saying....
Record Label: Summit Records
Type of Label: Indie