i dominate life. i have hundreds of thousands of dollars in liquid markets, not to mention substantial investments in real estate. in my spare time i fix the diamond trade in antwerp.
i plan on taking my newly-minted associate's degree to florence this fall, where i will pretend to appreciate renaissance art while drinking cabernet.
in january, i will bring my unique brand of self-centered egoism to berkeley, california. the primary purpose of this relocation will be regular trips to oakland, where i will become king of the drug underworld. as an added bonus, i will attend a second-rate trade school called cal.
i will major in hospitality—i.e., hotel management. following graduation, I plan on opening a chain of cheap motels. each room will have coin-operated vibrating beds and vending machines that dispense condoms and popular contraceptives. the front desk will also carry nonconventional, but nonetheless effective measures of second choice (such as coathangers).
