Name: Eye Candie Amy
Age:Nineteen
Location:Sacramento,CA
Zodiac Sign:Gemini
Colors:Pink,blue,green,white,black, silver and gold.
Height:Five feet four inches closer to heaven
Weight:Shhhh....that's a secret.
Drinks:Starbucks, smirnoff, wine, lemonade, and chocolate milk.
Here for:All the Better Reasons..
Ethnicity:Laotian
Headline: When I fall, don't catch me. I want to experience the impact, to get up on my own and learn not to fall next time.
Like a Barbie Doll:
I'm kinda like Barbie, only without the huge plastic boobs. I've got some fake friends. A stupid Theresa to always fuck up mine and Ken's relationship. I've always gotta look after my stupid younger sisterKelly who gets everything. Everyone thinks that I can do everything. I've always had to pretend to be strong with that permanent smile on my face. I've gotta endure people's shit and act like everything's fine. They talk about me when I'm right there acting like I can't hear them. People hate me because they only think I'm perfect. But I'm not. I'm just like you. Maybe with a more fucked up life than the average girl but I'm still like you. I just have a better way of hiding things. So yeah, I guess that does make me Barbie then...
That's right, I'm falling apart slowly, I'm stressing and thinking where did I go wrong? I really want to know what's going on and I'm not going to try any more. I'm going to leave this stupid drama alone, no more drama for me. I am going to focus on school and get far in life. I want to be independent and I will be the only woman who can take care of herself without anyone trying to control the things that are being said and done. 12.15.06
As we look out to each day ahead of us, I want everyone to think. Think things through and that's exactly what I've been doing. I do want this special someone to grab my hand and hold on to me tight. To never let me go, to never let me down. I want him to give me time and space and to support the goals I set out for my future. I want him to take me out and make me feel like I have a real man. Someone that calls me and I don't need to have long conversations. It's the thought that counts. I want him to think far out in life, to think about me and how I would feel when he does or say something. I want him to trust me and respect me. I just want him. Where art thou Romeo? I'm waiting and that's all I'll ever do, I'm not going to search for a guy, when the time comes, everything will happen and it'll happen for a good reason.12.15.06
I am very happy with life right now. I'm going through a few bumps and I have a few bruises. It's ok though, I can handle anything. Other than the sky, there are no limits. The clock is ticking and I'm always thinking about the things that have happened lately or recently. I feel like I'm so lost and confused, but I am confident in my decisions and I'm trying to prove a point. I guess at this point in life, things are more complicated. There are more expectations and less time for the simple things in life. I remember saying how small my heart it. It takes very little to keep me happy and to make you a part of me. I am very open and I give chances, lots and lots of chance. Don't take advantage of me, respect me and the nice things I do. This is why the world is so cruel....so....cold.... People only think of themselvse, they only think about what they want. What about others? The world isn't fair, and it's not meant to be fair. I guess that's the reality that we must accept. 12.18.06
How can a person have so much hatred and jealousy inside them. I've been trying to be patient and ignorant of such behavior. Trying to get me with their eyes of hatred and words of dislike. I guess it's just like that saying where a person can be "Loved by some, wanted by many and envied by plenty." I guess I do have a point to get across. Life is short, take things slowly and be friendly. No one has the intention of hurting you, disrespecting you or hating you, the only way you will feel like that is when you are insecure. Insecurity kills as much as curiosity.12.18.06
Spending time with family is very fun. Why? Because family is always there for you. Talking about family, I finally got down my mother's special recipe for my favorite noodles.Dinner was awesome and I'm looking forward to getting more of her special recipes. muhahahaha. gosh, I'm not supposed to sound evil. No matter what you do or say wrong, They can't hate you because the love they have for you is unconditional. Unconditional meaning without conditions or limitations. I want to be an "almost" perfect person. I want to be happy, thoughtful, kind, forgiving, smart, sweet, romantic, sacrificial, powerful and successful. I want to be more than just someone. I guess I'm just sitting here speaking of the impossible. AFter all, I am more than just a somebody, I'm Amy Douangmany and just knowing that should tell you a whole lot. ;) 12.19.06
I don't know if I told anyone about me and my anger managment problem. The past few weeks everything bugged me and pissed me off. Slow drivers, show offs, stalkers and people that disrespect me. Now I am not so moody and feel more calm and relaxed.I can actually smile and mean it. I still drive fast and I still eat a lot. It's all about me and my appetite. Christmas is around the corner and I feel sooo excited because there are so many gifts I want to give to "everyone special." Hmmm... I am going to think of a nice Christmas speech and once I have it, please read and enjoy! 12.20.06
I wanted to cry soooo much. For some reason, I was this close -- see the two dashed lines? Yeah, I was that close to crying. I saw this really cute cat, it's white with a bit of gray. It was raining really hard at the moment and I was at a stop sign trying to make a right. The thing about the cat is that it was lying down, restfully, and the worst part is...it wasn't breathing. I felt so much sympathy for the cat. I thought to myself, if people don't know how to care about one another and try to be on their own all the time, when they die, they'll die just like the cat. No one knowing of it's death, pain and sorrow. Who would sit there and cry for me when I die? I hope someone does...at least one person. If there was no one, I would feel bad...sad... knowing that people don't care about you hurts a lot and I guess that's one thing we try to avoid. The topic of death and when dead, who will be at our funeral. Will there even be a funeral? I shouldn't be trippin' about this, I know that my family cares about me, my close friends (a few) and many others to follow. This is one good reason to be kind to those around you, otherwise, you might die in the cold rain like that poor cat. 12.21.06
I thought about Christmas a lot lately and here's my so called speech. I'm going to type really fast so I can get these words out before I forget them. Ok, so Christmas is a day that's mean't to celebrate Christ and so forth. As of now, Christ isn't what I celebrate on the day of Christmas. I think of the month as a month of thoughtfulness and a lot of money spending (foreals). You take the time and spend the money on gifts for important people in your life. Christmas is all about your heart and how big your heart is. We give and shouldn't expect anything in return...well...maybe a hug, kiss, teddy bear, digital camera, Coach Bag, ooops! Let's start over, a few hugs and kisses which comes along with appreciation. I feel pleased, yet I am still excited... My new years resolution should also be everyone's new year resolution. It's simple. All you have to do is to be YOU, the "good" side of you. If you can do that, then you can do anything because you can control the bad side of you. Today I took my mother out for a day, we were being ourselves; we caught up on a few things in each other's lives. I told her about my old friends and my new friends. I told her about what I want to do in life and listened to her tell me about her experiences as a young girl in Laos and Thailand. Knowing her past helps me understand what she goes through and how she made it til this day. She made it to the day where she got married and have children. She's probably waiting to be a grandmother too. We talked while we ate and I drove her around to go get groceries for Christmas. Just time... if you use every minute, every second wisely, and not let it go to waste, you would be able to understand a person better and it would be easier to accept them for who they are. Think about it, we are rich, filthy rich, people are out there starving, cold, homeless and here we are complaining why something isn't good enough. Some kids don't even get to celbrate Christmas, some people don't even have a family, maybe not even a friend. As for me...I feel so...blessed... So...happy and proud of who I am and I'm glad to have those who are supporting me whether near or far. I don't know how much it takes for someone to realize that you can find happiness in little things, and if you haven't, all you have to do is to take things slowly. 12.22.06
You know, when you decide to make a move, just do it. Do some thinking and be brave to walk the thought. I've decided to do a few things that the usual Miss Amy would never do because of the pride I carry within me. I was taught to always keep my head up high. Don't let anyone walk all over you. Don't let people take advantage of your kindness, but make others learn how to appreciate it. I am thankful for those who really do appreciate me. I am thankful that I have friends (near or far) who are able to take me for who I am. Those who like the way I flow and understand my jokes. Those who can laugh with me and cry with me. I am no longer pushing myself away from others. I am back to the same person. One who doesn't care what people think and to care about others no matter what. If any person thinks of my move and my actions as being a "loser" or being stupid, I care little because I had the bigger heart. To finally be able to look hate in the face and to forgive with no grudges is the hardest thing for me. Yeah, I guess this is it, my new years resolution. 12.26.2006
I feel really appreciated because I've been recieving many words of wisdom. It really helps me and encourages me to keep on writing. I write a lot and will continue to write. read my blogs because it's a daily thing, but when I post an entry on my profile page, it's more than something. I don't know if anyone knows their purpose in life, but my purpose in life is to get to know myself as much as I can before I learn of the life after death. Not only do I want to know about my life and who I am, but I want to know about the lives of many others who are out there. I want to know how they think and what they know. I really admire Angelina Jolie because she has a beautiful heart. She's always helping out the poor people and contributing a lot of what she makes to those who need the help. I hope that one day I will be standing high like her, giving more than taking. And when I do that, I want to be rewarded with happiness. That feeling you get when you've done an act of kindness. All I want is that feeling... 1.2.2007
I feel disappointed in myself for some reason. You know how you start to have that feeling where you are connected to someone and you're trying to give them a hand and things just mess up. When something bad has to happen even though the last time you saw the person everything was perfectly fine. I don't know what to say... I don't even know what I am getting at. Everything isn't going right and I don't know what's the best solution to each problem. I am still here for those who need me. I'm always here to lend an ear when you feel like you need to let everything out. I'm not the type that will put you down or make you feel unwanted when you need someone bby your side the most. For the first time in a long time, I feel like words aren't enough to express my emotions. Skip this dilema! Imma gonna hit the club tonight and get things off my mind. I've been so tired and stressed out. Always trying to be there for others, always trying to find time. I guess I just need time for myself. I want to make sure I'm not going to end up hurting myself. I don't want to make any mistakes and regret it in the end. I will make my friend selections wisely and cherish each and every one of them. 1.4.2007
Lately, I've been feeling so confused, I realized that you can't stop making friends with people because if you do, you're throwing away the chances in making close friends that are actually the ones that you have been searching for all your life. One that will come see you when you really need to see someone. One that will arrange a day to go have lunch with you so you don't have to be by yourself. A friend who will listen and who is ready to give you feed back honestly. Just someone...anyone... Especially when you are at that peak where you stress a lot, you're always feeling down, and you feel like you don't know who to turn to. I don't understand myself sometimes, when I am broken or torn apart, that's when I push myself from others. I don't need sympathy because it makes me feel more pitiful. Even hugs, wheh I'm down, I just need to find Teddy, the bear that I talk about the most. Why? I know that I am grown up but there's nothing wrong with finding happiness is little things or stuffed animals. I guess Teddy is a good friend in the end, one that doesn't back stab me or argue with me, one that will listen and even though I want to be spoken too, just his presence makes me happy along with peace and quiet. But a teddy bear can't hug you or cheer you up when you really need it and maybe that's what I'm in search for. Someone who's not afraid to care just a little bit more about me than the average person. Someone who wouldn't doubt me or over question me and when it comes to love, I don't want to be over loved because too much of anything can lead to consequences such as insecurity. At times, I feel like I've found these friends, but then again, I feel like I'm just thinking because I haven't known them long enough. Respect is a must and right now I'm in a lot of stress. I feel so unappreciated and just that feeling being there encourages me to walk out and move on. I am sure if I can't find appreciation, I will be better off alone than being around people who can't appreciate me. I spoke to my fellow co-workers and I'm very glad they understand me, I talk a lot and yeah, I was just frustrated. School just started and I feel so demoralized. We are short staffed and I'm sacrificing as much as I can. All I ask is for a simple "thank you", "I appreciate your help", or an "I hope you had fun today" as long as it comes from the heart. I ask for simple little things and I deserve just a little bit more; however, I will eventually find a way out of this maze. If there's a way in, there's always a way out. 1.18.2007
I hate to say this to all my friends and acquaintances, but I have been thinking about myself a lot and only about myself. It is right that I am the most important person to myself because I have the ability to make choices whether to be or not to be. But I realized that it's time for me to think about others and to not be so demanding. I do ask for a lot but it's a lot of simple little things that even a little boy or girl can do which is the basics i.e. honesty, respect, trust and most importantly consideration. There's more that I ask and the list can be an endless list, but I will put an end to that list because no one is perfect. No one. I keep on saying this because I want everyone to know how much I struggle just to make it through each day. I am very thankful for those who lend me an ear when I need it the most and it's ok if there are others that push me away when I am in need. I am NOT the most important person to everyone, but there are people that make me feel more than just a somebody. I been through so much that I have to struggle to forgive because I have to go through the same kind of drama repeatedly. I want to be forgiving and it's a huge struggle for me. It's like a mission. No one can help me and maybe just time will tell and the bad times will pass eventually. I don't know what to say, I'm really stressed out. I need assistance and guidance because I am somewhat blind as of now. I can't see and I can't find my road to happiness. I will give and only give and hope that the receiver appreciates what I do. I am in search and will always search for someone who will understand a girl that's lost and confused at the very moment. I'm holding back, holding back from so many things. So many risks, so many problems and very few solutions. 1.21.2007
Ever since the day that I've gotten into that car accident, I learned a lot of things. I learned that I get extra care and attention, that I can sue the man for $20,000+ for my fractured wrist, and I also learned how to make my right arm and hand more useful. It's a very big struggle for me. Day by day I learn how to be stronger and more patient. Back to the saying I always use, "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." I thought having a cast is cool and all I have to do is lay back and chill throughout my 6 weeks. Well, unfortunately, it's more of the opposite, I yearned to do things on my own. I would do the dishes with one hand and make myself porridge when I need something hot to warm my tummy up. I rejected assistance when offered and one day I blew up. I couldn't take this anymore. I blamed everything on the man that had to drive his dumb Benz into my car. No car means carpooling. A fractured wrist means no more heavy weight, no more writing and it makes it harder to keep up in class. I broke down really hard, I blamed myself, the other driver and I blamed everyone else for all the stupid reasons anyone can think of. I was weak, I was being stupid and I was already giving up within the first week. I don't want too much attention or sympathy at all. Just a bit of thoughtfulness. I just wanted to be held on to. For someone... anyone... to hold on to me and tell me that everything is going to be all right. I complained to my mom a lot about how much I hated being in the situation that I'm in. I want my indepence back again, I strived for it all my life and when I finally got a hold of it, I lost it all over again. If my weakness ever happens to take over me again for any reason, I'll try to remember that it won't stay for long unless I choose for it to stay longer. 2.10.2007
