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Prince Philip, The Duke of Edinburgh. I present to you His Royal Highness and his most famous of quotes:
I am actually a large piece of cheese. (1953)
To Francesco De Burgemile, upon hearing of his whimsy of gullibility.
Where did you get that hat? (1953)
To his wife, the Queen, immediately after her coronation
The only active sport I will follow is polo - and most of the work is done by the pony. (1965)
British women can't cook. (1966)
The bastards murdered half my family. (1967)
When asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union.
I'm one of those stupid bums who never went to university, and a fat lot of harm it's done me. (circa 1968)
What do you gargle with - pebbles? (1969)
Said to Tom Jones after the The Royal Variety Performance.
Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed. (1981)
Said during the 1981 recession.
You must be out of your minds. (1982)
To Solomon Islanders on being told that their population growth was 5% a year.
You are a woman, aren't you? (1984)
Said in Kenya to a native woman who had presented him with a small gift.
If you stay here much longer, you'll all get slitty-eyed. (1986)
Said to British students in China.
If it has four legs and is not a chair, has wings and is not an aeroplane, or swims and is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it. (1986)
Said at a World Wildlife Fund meeting.
Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species in the world. (1991)
Said in Thailand after accepting a conservation award.
You can't have been here that long - you haven't got a pot belly. (1993)
Said to a Briton in Budapest, Hungary.
Aren't most of you descended from pirates? (1994)
Said to an islander in the Cayman Islands.
How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test? (1995)
Said to a driving instructor in Scotland.
If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats? (1996)
Said amid calls to ban firearms after the Dunblane shooting.
Bloody silly fool! (1997)
Referring to a Cambridge University car park attendant who failed to recognise him.
You managed not to get eaten, then? (1998)
Said to a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea.
It looks like it was put in by Indians. (1999)
Said after he saw a poorly constructed fusebox.
Deaf? If you are near there, no wonder you are deaf. (1999)
Said to young deaf people in Cardiff, referring to a school's steel band.
Oh! You are the people ruining the rivers and the enviroment. (1999)
Said when he met three young employees of a Scottish fish farm.
Oh, it's you that owns that ghastly car - we often see it when driving to Windsor Castle. (2001)
Talking to Elton John after he told Prince Philip that he had sold his gold Aston Martin.
Do you still throw spears at each other? (2002)
To an Aboriginal man on Australia's Tjapukai Aboriginal Cultural Park.
You were playing your instruments, weren't you? Or do you have tape recorders under your seats? (2002)
Said to a children's band in Australia.
Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now? (2002)
Said to a blind woman with a guide dog.
If you travel as much as we do you appreciate how much more comfortable aircraft have become. Unless you travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly. (2002)
Commenting during the Jubilee tour.
The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop tourism, we could stop the congestion. (2002)
Commenting on the London traffic debate after mayor Ken Livingstone launched his plan to charge motorists £5 to enter the city.
French cooking's all very well, but they can't do a decent English breakfast. (2002)
Aboard the floating restaurant 'Il Punto' on the river Orwell in Ipswich, after thoroughly enjoying an excellent full English breakfast (Il Punto is owned by Frenchman Regis Crepy)
It is surprising the way things have changed since I first became chancellor of a university 50 years ago. (2003)
Source: Opening a new research centre at the University of York
The statement was widely misrepresented as referring to the University of York itself, rather than the University of Edinburgh, of which Prince Philip is Chancellor. (The York Chancellor at the time was Janet Baker, and the university was celebrating its fortieth anniversary.)
It doesn't look like much work goes on at this University. (2005)
Overheard at Bristol University's BLADE (Bristol Laboratory for Advanced Dynamic Engineering) facility, which had been closed in order that he and the Queen could officially open it.
You look like you're ready for bed!
Said to the President of Nigeria, who was dressed in traditional robes.
If people feel it has no further part to play, then for goodness sake, let's end the thing on amicable terms without having a row about it.
On sentiment against the British monarchy
If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it's either a new woman or a new car!
Edinburgh: And what exotic part of the world do you come from?
Lord Taylor: I'm from Birmingham. (1999)
An exchange with Lord Taylor of Warwick, who is black.
"Do we need ear plugs?"
At the Royal Premiere of the James Bond film Die Another Day, on being told that Madonna sung the theme song.
"Damn fool question!"
Said to BBC journalist Caroline Wyatt after she asked Queen Elizabeth if she was enjoying her stay in Paris.
"Any bloody fool can lay a wreath at the thingamy."
From an interview with Jeremy Paxton
