Wanna know about me? Here's the cold hard facts about Paul Garrett
Paul Garrett can kill two stones with one bird.
Paul Garrett can eat a rubix cube and poop it out solved.
Paul Garrett isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Paul Garrett.
If Paul Garrett is late, time better slow the fuck down.
When Paul Garrett pisses, he clogs the toilet.
Paul Garrett CAN believe it's not butter.
Paul Garrett can slam a revolving door.
Paul Garrett doesn't bowl strikes. He knocks down one pin, then the other nine faint.
It takes Paul Garrett 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Paul Garrett lives in Dallas.
Simply by pulling on both ends, Paul Garrett can stretch a diamond back into coal.
Paul Garrett doesn't own a microwave, oven, or stove, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Paul Garrett can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Paul Garrett once played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver, and won.
Crop circles are Paul Garrett's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lay the fuck down.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Paul Garrett.
When Paul Garrett sends in his taxes, he sends in blank forms and a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Paul Garrett has never had to pay taxes.
There is no theory of evolution, only a list of creatures that Paul Garrett allows to live.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes, Paul Garrett has 72....and they're all poisonous.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Paul Garrett's fist.
Paul Garrett can win a game of Connect Four in three moves.
Paul Garrett is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Police label anyone attacking Paul Garrett as a code 45-11.....a suicide.
If you spell "Paul Garrett" in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Paul Garrett played in the second grade.
When Paul Garrett falls into water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Paul Garretted.
Paul Garrett can touch MC Hammer
Paul Garrett always knows the EXACT location of Carmen San Diego.
Paul Garrett is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Paul Garrett once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Hellen Keller's favorite color is Paul Garrett.
Paul Garrett destroyed the periodic table, because Paul Garrett only recognizes the element of surprise.
Paul Garrett built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Paul met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Paul Garrett once kicked a horse in it's chin, it's descendents are known today as giraffes.
When Paul Garrett does division, there are no remainders.
The truth will set you free. Unless Paul Garrett has a hold of you, in which case, forget it buddy!
When you say "nobody's perfect," Paul Garrett takes this as a personal insult.
Paul Garrett can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question....just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.
Paul Garrett was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
If you work in an office with Paul Garrett, don't ask him for a three-hole-punch.
Paul Garrett once sold his soul to the devil for his martial arts skills. He then gave the devil a roundhouse kick to the face and took his soul back. That's what the devil gets for trying to fuck with Paul Garrett.
Most people fear the Reaper. Paul Garrett considers him "a promising rookie."
When Paul Garrett plays Monopoly, it affects the world's economy.
President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Paul Garrett carried his the same distance in half the time.
Paul Garrett sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Paul Garrett has two speeds: walk and kill.
If Paul Garrett wants your opinion, he'll beat it out of you.
The drummer from Def Leppard has only one arm. Paul Garrett needed a back scratcher.
Paul Garrett crossed the road. No one has ever dared to question his motives.
Paul Garrett knows the last digit of Pi.
When Paul Garrett wants an egg, he cracks open a whole chicken.
Paul Garrett is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
Paul Garrett can sneeze with his eyes open.
There is no "control" button on Paul Garrett's computer. Paul Garrett is always in control.
They once made a Paul Garrett toilet paper, but there was only one problem: Paul Garrett doesn't take shit off of anybody.
Jesus can walk on water, but Paul Garrett can walk on Jesus.
Paul Garrett doesn't play God. Playing is for children.
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