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återvändsgränd

About Me

i was born at a very young age on the Feast of Saint Jude and raised in a cave by feral Ludditic Cistercians of the Strict Observance. i perfected the letal art of making preserves, braiding back-hair, gymnosophism and was fluent in onomatopoeia, ESL and xenoglossia by the time i was five.

i absolutely loathe talking on the phone unless there's a good chance that it's going to be a very drunk ventriloquist or the Metatron at the other end of the line. My dreams are often in unintelligible languages & they sometimes have credits at the end. And yes, i'm terrified of balloons.

<24l1S7xZO6z6axc==>'What will your obituary say?' at ..QuizGalaxy.com

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My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Schrödinger's cat.

My Blog

Union Bear on Larry King Live!

Well folks... they say it would never happen but guess what? The NZ[M]R's own Union Bear was featured on CNN's extravaganza "Larry King Live". Here is a transcript for your perusal!Larry King: Good ev...
Posted by on Fri, 29 May 2009 18:32:00 GMT

DVD Review with Conservative Tom

Greetings folks! Hope you don't mind the beard but I have been holed up in the mountains doing a "sweat" just trying to figure out what in the name of Ham-Fisted-Fuck is wrong with this country.I s'po...
Posted by on Sat, 17 Jan 2009 20:54:00 GMT

Happy Hollandaise!

Greetings to all and to all a good night. i shall be shaking the snow & drudgery of Brumfis, NJ off the soles of my smelly, Hobbit-feet & traipsing about to Atlanta this here Holiday Season. i wanted ...
Posted by on Fri, 19 Dec 2008 17:56:00 GMT

Wentworth the Pragmatic Advice Otter

Ya'atay my compatriots! So there I was, cracking open oysters, as refined Lutra such as myself are wont to do when darkening my doorway is a moosey-faced Feljusterad looking all biscuit-assed as if ...
Posted by on Sun, 06 Jul 2008 05:33:00 GMT

My funeral.

Let's face it, folks... On an existential level, we weren't guaranteed the life we have now and each passing moment is never an absolute. i'm not even trying to pull off the "depressed/emo/nihilist" ...
Posted by on Sun, 27 Jan 2008 06:13:00 GMT

The New Zoo [Movie] Review: The 08 Runaway Train to Hell

Greetings & Happy Hollandaise! The year is almost at an end & before you embark on that magical quest of "Auld Lang Syne", drunken office-party gropings, New Year's Resolutions that will never...
Posted by on Mon, 24 Dec 2007 07:01:00 GMT

The Locomotive of Love: Advice Concerning Matters of Romance

From: [email protected] Dear Doctors of Love Locomotion: I am planning on having a lady friend over to my cabin this weekend for a little tomfoolery. The problem is, my place hasn't been clean si...
Posted by on Fri, 14 Dec 2007 18:47:00 GMT

Locomotive of Love: Help for the hopeless

From: [email protected] Dear LoL: I have been trying to get a date - and by 'date' I mean 'bang' - with a girl that works across the street at this bodega for, like, MONTHS. Every time I ask, ...
Posted by on Thu, 13 Dec 2007 16:16:00 GMT

NZ(M)R: Dr. Tafte reviews Stephen Kings Sleepwalkers

Begrüßen Sie und sich getroffen gut! Tally Ho! I have thus been unable to spend a beautiful Sunday Nachmittag partaking in my usual park-constitutional which would normally be followed by my Sunday c...
Posted by on Sun, 25 Nov 2007 14:04:00 GMT

Locomotive Of Love: Answers for the Forlorn

From: [email protected] Re: Dear NZ[M]R/Locomotive of Love, Forsooth I Need Thine Help! Dear Love Doctors; Excelsior! Mine mate doth NOT appreciate mine efforts to make love once I hath returned f...
Posted by on Sun, 18 Nov 2007 13:20:00 GMT