Sonic Winston

A deranged chemistry teacher put the spin to the entire tale, when romping in her lust for the fountain of youth, she began slicing DNA strands. She believed that a numbered pattern in the DNA sequence began to slowly kill you off when you reach the age of 24; therefore, if you could isolate it, destroy it and reattach the "positive" DNA you could essentially create immortality.Eary October, 1986 something amazing happend. As she was digging through this dead woman's stomach trying to take out some ovary tissue, she found that there was still a fetus attached to her uterine wall. Knowing very well that stem cells make you younger, the scientist swallowed the baby whole. Later she drank battery acid and pop rocks in a self detoxing experiment, thinking that she had been breathing in too much decayed flesh. Suddenly, a massive eruption began in her belly. The fetus had grown to be a baby in a matter of minutes and exploded through her belly button. In the woman's dying last minutes, she tryed to kill the ugly thing by smothering it to death, however she only succeeded in turning on the tv by falling on the remote and crushing the baby's legs.As the story goes, the lady had called over her date to watch Pot Zombies with her and planned on doing their tuesday night satanic ritual over some broken puppy teeth. But her date called at the last minute and cancelled.For three days the baby layed on the floor, nurtured with plagues of insanity as he was parented by the horrors of the movie, which was set for repeat. It wasn't until late Friday that her date finally arrived. He found her dead and the baby was alive, but seemed to be pretending to be dead. As the man came closer he realized that the child was posessed and sent him away to a nearby dumpster immediately. Later on the child's life was made into a movie, released on Troma Films "Dumpster Baby". No one ever watched it.The child then begain crawling with his hands toward Peterson's Market on 10th and Morrison, and found an old bum with a guitar. Since the old man was hungry, he thought he would cook the baby up on the eastside of Portland and store the leftovers next to the Hawthorne bridge for safekeeping. Well, in a short version of a long story, the man couldn't find the strength to kill the baby, so he sold it to a hooker for a blow job. The prostitute then used the baby as leverage while holding up signs by the Crystal Ballroom. More people began giving her money and soon a war of gang-bums broke out over the true rights of the baby, who was now very much a child.It is said that the old bum with the guitar came back and stole the child by luring him away with some funky old blues down by an old car garage. The child learned to walk with his hands, since his legs were still disfigured. The old man taught the kid a few open chords on the ol' guitar box, hoping that it would bring in more money. But soon the kid got really weird with the guitar and was ruining business, so the old man told the kid to split. As he tryed to snatch the guitar from the kid's hands the kid broke out in a violent rampage and ate the old man in a zomberized, hypnotic state.Suddenly the kid was all alone again. He had no legs, so he could barely get around. Finally he thought, I'll have to MAKE enjoyment for myself in this world- and with that he promptly began writing folk music. He only knew some of the traditional chords, and the rest he had to make up. It came out sounding really fucked up and he called it, "Anti-folk".And then after raising enough money to get a leg replacement surgery he fell in love with a girl with a similar past, only she was kidnapped out of her home by carnival people and sold to a zookeeper. They both played life backwards and lived happily in Coos Bay.