Much have been said about Jørgen up untill now. All of it is of course utter nonsense and not only false, but really, really untrue. The truth is, as reported by the now out-of print pamphlet Great Minds - Great Beggars by Julius Cæsar, that he was born in the Americas in 2766 BC, where he worked as a slave for three hundred years. There he built most of the Andes mountain range and did some truly astonishing work on the Argentinian pampas. Reportedly, the only words to come out of his mouth during all those years was; "That's a huge whip you got there, sir." He soon got bored by his Aztec employers and their silly gods with their hard-to-pronounce names and decided to go backpacking in Europe. He enlisted in the Roman Legion. There he earned a good amount of money, but just as his career was about to skyrocket, he got badly injured during a fight with the celts. He retired to London in 677 where he soon lost all his money, stolen from him by a thieving magpie. This period of Jørgen's life inspired Robert Fripp to write the song 21st Century Schizoid Man, the song that went on to become such a great millstone. Sorry, milestone.
After a few centuries of starvation and disease, he patented Ockham's razor, before joining some grimy vikings from Norway in a pillage on Lindisfarne. After that he got a guilty conscience and hid in the Sahara desert for a spell, before he decided to join the Knights Templars, a few hundred years later. The aztec war-god, Huitzilopochtli, whom Jørgen earlier had spoken a few cross words to back in the Americas, didn't like that at all, and took it severely personally. And in 1305 the very same god wrote a letter to Pope Clement V, stating that he wanted "Those pansy, good for nothing Knights Templars rounded up and beaten, but good, for I am a god and want to see people punished." In the following years the Knights Templars were hunted down and Jørgen was burnt at the stake and suffered a horrible death in 1307, early in the autumn. His last words is said to have been: "But man, that really was a huge whip."
In 1888 someone who wasn't him, but who someone thought looked like him, was found sprawled on the cobblestones in some less accessible part of Fleet Street, singing a sombre tale of high adventure and great grief, while waving a revolver and a bottle of rum. Some say it was brown rum, some say white.
To put some usual misconceptions about Jørgen to rest once and for all:
1) He didn't write the From Hell letter to Lusk, although the spelling and handwriting is of the same poor quality as his.
2) He never went to see Mars. He often visited Jupiter, though.
3) There exists no known photograph or painting of him, save some crude sketches done by a mad hatter from Holland.
4) He always appeared in grayscale, never in full colour.
5) He never learned to write his own name correctly.
6) Unlike Adolf Hitler, he had his tea without any sugar.
7) Despite what's common belief, he did not have horns growing out from his forehead.
8) He did, however, have what you would call a "face".
9) His ashes were spread high in the Himalayas, while the New York Philharmonic Orchestra held a rehersal for Scriabin's unfinished work Mysterium.
