I'm as real as you're going to get with Jesii, your Genuine Faux Jesus! I love surfing on your dashboard, that is really cool! I love it when people think of creative ways to offer me praise!
I listen to everyone's prayers, no matter how trivial... so keep 'em coming.
Born to a virgin? Get real. Do you have any idea what they did to people who had children out of wedlock 2000 years ago? The true miracle was my father thinking up the virgin story. Thanks, Pop!
A lot of folks would like to know what I did during my formative years, why that part of my life was not elaborated upon in the Bible. Like your President Bush, my early years are none of your fucking business. Yeah, so maybe I too partied a bit, perhaps I was arrested for RUI (Riding Under the Influence) once or twice, but as far as those rumors about my drug use, well those days have no bearing on who I am today. Everyone had an indiscretion or two in their youth, and I'm no exception. Which is why, thankfully, my father arranged to have those embarrassing years of my life removed from his book.
There are quite a few misconceptions about myself that I would like to clear up, and will over the next few hundred years (keep checking my profile), but for now I have to go tend to some chores the old man wants me to finish. Of course, he'll surely have more ready for me when I am done, which is precisely why I haven't returned yet. You think keeping your house (or your ranch) in good shape is hard work? You should see all the shit that needs fixing here in heaven. The problem, of course, is that the saved keep showing up at the door, and no one ever leaves! The infrastructure is suffering as a result.
So remember, I am coming back, I'm just not sure when.
