[Bubba Ho-Tep's] Black J.F.K.

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Born as John Fitzgerald Kennedy, I was born on May 29, 1917 to Rose Fitzgerald and Joseph Patrick Kennedy. I was named after my maternal grandfather John "HoneyFitz" Fitzgerald, the mayor of Boston. I was a very sick little boy, and was given the last rites 5 times, the first time being when I was a newborn. I was born to an Irish Catholic family with 9 children... I was the 2nd born of four other boys. There was Joseph Jr., John (me), Robert (we called him Bobby), and Edward (we called him Ted, but sometimes I call him Teddy). Because Rose made Joe and I wear matching clothes (which is kind of a pain), we fought a lot for attention. When I was young the family moved from Boston to New York, where I went to Choate, a private school. Most of the time, though, I was too sick to attend. In the late 1930s my father Joe became the ambassador to England. Me and Robert with him, as well as mom, and my sisters Kathleen and Rosemary. I started going to Princeton and then Harvard and for my senior thesis I wrote a piece about why England refused to get into the war until later. It was published in 1940 and called Why England Slept. My older brother Joe was a flyer during the war, and one day while he had bombs with him his plane exploded. Not long after that, Kathleen and her husband died in a plane crash... I still haven't really gotten over those events. In the early 1950s, I decided to run for Congress in Massachusetts and won! I married Jacqueline Lee Bouvier on September 12 1953, and I've loved every minute of our marriage ever since! Our first child, named Caroline Bouvier Kennedy, was born on November 27, 1957 and then John Fitzgerald Kennedy Jr., was born on November 25, 1960. We had a son named Patrick Bouvier, but he died a few days after his birth... It sucked seeing Jackie be so sad. In 1954, I had to have back surgery and in the hospital wrote my second book, Profiles in Courage. Joe Sr. always said that his son Joe was going to be President; when he died in WWII, though, I took the title. I ran for president in 1960 against Richard Milhouse Nixon and won.... But my administration had many conflicts, the Bay of Pigs and the Cuban Missile Crisis being key examples. Then, the worst and weirdest thing happened to me. The Government kidnapped me and faked my assanination. Then they brought me to some secret laboratory and dyed me black and did cosmetic surgery on me to look like a black man. Then they hid me out in an old folks home in some backwoods town in Texas called Mud Creek. There I made a good friend, Elvis Presley. Everything was kinda alright in the circumstanes, then..... All hell broke loose. When Elvis and I had to take on this .... In Elvis' words... "This foriegn graffiti writin' soul suckin' son of a bitch, in an oversized cowboy hat & boots, taken our friend's souls, and shittin' 'em down the visitor's toilet." So we put our heads together and took care of buisness on his ass. Unfortunately, that Bubba Ho-Tep character took my life in the whole ordeal. But lucky for everyone else, my good friend Elvis put his favorite saying in action "TCB" and took care of buisness and killed that but sucker.JFK's Famous Quotes:
"They dyed me this color"
"They sent somebody to finish me off""
"Marilyn Monroe; That is classified information, Top Secret. But between you and me.... Whoaaaooohh!"
"He'll wrap his lips around some elder's arsehole"
JFK's Famous Last Words:
"Hey, You stay put, I'll flush him out." Then minutes later; "The Prersident is soon dead. So, now, it's up to you Elvis. You got to get him. You got to Take Care of Buisness."
"Of course my Ding Dong would be choclate, after they done dyed me"
"This is where they cut me and took part of my brain, and now I got a bag of sand in there."
"Why is an Egyptian writin' on the shithouse wall?"