the new ravings of a mad man:life is boring, death itself doesnt scare me its the ride there thats frightning...kinda like the dentist. i like to wear a hood so i dont have to associate with anyone most of the time, but then they just think your a dick...oh well...ive come to the realization that most people are dumber than more or bigger assholes than me, but somehow they'll do better than me. im not bitter, just observational. im 23 and have no fuckin clue wats gonna happen to me in the future, all i know is that its depressing cause im tied to this house for at least another year. 24 n livin at home....yikes...if i ever become a corporate sleazebag please shoot me, ive been interacting with one of those people recently and it makes me sick...but thats where im headed with my soon-to-be-in-possesion-of degree. 6 years of college all for a piece of paper to get me an office job that i dont want. i want my own country where i can farm and shit, or ya know, have someone farm for me. i like to pick my nose when i drive...i dont know why but i do...perfect time to clean house. if the bible is true god is one mean son of a bitch. he must have low self esteem if he needs fat housewives from the midwest prayin to him all the time. the creator of all that is and he wastes his time listening to us? thats pretty arrogant on our part that we assume he will answer, which he wont. ya got a fifty fifty shot anyway, might as well pray to joe peschi, at least he;ll get shit done
i dont believe in god or myself, even though they are the same person. i have a fucked up sense of humor and my defense mechanisms have defense mechanisms. im a closed book but the cover is a good read. i have no idea what i want out of life other than to do nothing. if i could i'd retire right now and live on the beach til i die. i get lonely but i like to be alone, which is kinda confusing cause i'll have things that i can do and people i can see but i wont, then i'll feel lonely. go figure. i have long conversations with myself in my head in which i repeat the same things over and over, only with different emphasis. =]
i interview myself often in this manner, but noone cares, probably because they can't hear it. fuck i was supposed to buy stoges on the way home from work but i forgot. women are magic. sometimes, but i didn't coin that. i miss cali, the beach, the people, the sun, the palm trees. i like the city but i'm poor. i like the beach more because you can be poor and its still great. i have no motivation whatsoever. thats not true, occasionally i do, but it doesn't last long, a quick bowl and its gone. i'm quittin again today, for real this time. but no substitutions. alcohol is a gift, alcoholism isn't a disease its a way of life. i'm not one but could be one day, but i'll quit by then. i'm good at quitting things. sometimes i want more but more of what i dont know, and how to get it i dont know, all i know is that i want it. one day i'll get what i want, in more ways than one. nice guys finish last, but what about the guy who didn't race?
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