Woman might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. -Jimmy Shubert
Fray - How To Save A Life Greys Anatomy Version Song
I'm celibate, and it ain't easy. I now know why Catholic nuns are so darn mean. I also want to hit people with a ruler for no apparent reason. -Rene Hicks
Flogging Molly - Drunken Lullabies Song
Booze makes you loud. It's written on the label:"Alcohol percent by volume." -Mark Lundholm
Jack Johnson - Upside Down Song
I think it's really important to maintain a positive attitude. It might not solve all your problems, but keep it up long enough and it will piss off enough people to make it worthwhile. -Margot Blank
Rolling Stones - Rough Justice LIVE Song
I'm having car problems. My Check Engine light came on today. But I couln't check it; there was too much smoke. Then the Game Over light came on. I hadn't seen that one before. -Dobie Maxwell
Coldplay - In My Place Smash Feature Performance Song
Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it. -Daniel Lybra
Nirvana - You Know Youre Right Song
If a word in the dictionary was misspelled, how would we know? -Steven Wright
Oasis - Champagne Supernova Song
Encyclopedia is a Latin term. It means "to paraphrase a term paper." -Greg Ray
Incubus - Pardon Me Song
We should have a way of telling people they have bad breath without hurting their feelings. "well, I'm bored. Let's go brush our teeth." Or, "I've got to make a phone call. Hold this gum in your mouth." -Brad Stine
Bush - Machinehead Yahoo Music Exclusive Performance Song
Camping: That's what I call getting drunk outside. -Dave Attell
Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood Song
I miss being a kid. I got food, clothing, and shelter for free. Grownups only get that in jail. -Leighann Lord
Carrie Underwood - Before He Cheats Song
You are what you eat. Which makes me cheap, quick, and easy. -Dave Thomas
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Killers - Somebody Told Me Song