I'd like to meet:

VIKING: FUCKING HELL. You're the kind of guy who'll SMASH A GUYS FUCKING HEAD OPEN WITH A FUCKING TREE. Look at that eyepatch! You probably used that eye to FUCK SOMEBODY UP. You could probably put an end to some guy's bullshit with your FUCKING BEAR. Just full on smack the bastard upside of his stupid head with it and and he's fucking PASTE..