The Captain

Like ball lightning, The Captain cannot be contained or reproduced by man. The Captain is a multi-faceted jem of humanity whose value on this earth cannot be understated. From humble beginnings as a street clown in Tupelo, MS; The Captain's journey has taken him many places and embiggened his heart with crumulent glory. The Captain found his fame, or some say the fame found him, when he gained worldwide notoriety for being the first man to kill another human being using only "a totally bitchen' power riff" in his immortal words. Riding the waves of celebrity proved to be a tough battle for The Captain, and he quickly gave in to the vices associated with The Road. Drugs, booze, an eternal unending war against Bob Newhart, it all was up for absolute indulgence. And just like he rose, The Captain fell from grace and faded from the limelight. Today, The Captain works a menial office job 40 hours a week and spends the rest of his time in his small metropolitan studio apartment listening to old metal records and playing guitar in a vain attempt to relive his glory days.