I don't want to talk about my life before i found GOD in 1977. none of it. I don't want to talk about getting expelled from junior school for trying to convince Elizabeth Didcott that my 'johnson' had died and needed the kiss of life and i'm sure as hell not going to talk about the police caution i received in 1976 for doing XXXXXXX with XXXXX & XXXX while XXXXXXX watched. I brought shame to my family! I brought shame to XXXXXX's family! i was a broken man until GOD came into my life!Shortly after the aforementioned incident in 1976 i was accepted into the Church of England and began my training to become a vicar. My life was quiet and humble, broken up only by the goodness and kindness of one of the choir girls. But i grew tired and restless and in time this feeling turned to despondency. This was a sad episode in my life and i would find myself behaving in ways that i did not normally associate with myself, for example: wailing during the holy communion or that regrettable time that I tried to drown an ugly baby instead of baptise it. A number of conversations with my Bishop regarding my more wayward behaviour suggested that perhaps all parties would be better off if i left the church.Any fear or trepidation that i might have had at leaving the safety of the Church of England was soon calmed by merciful GOD for "The LORD is my Shepherd" and he led me to pastures green. These new, lush, pastures were those of the Catholic Church. These were truly the glory years! Catholicism embodies for me all that is great about Christianity: Armani hassocks, holy wine, vast amounts of money and nuns, lots and lots of nuns in tight fitting habits. Without wishing to labour the point too much, the Catholic Church is the one with all the Babes!I quickly wrangled a transfer to Rome, the vatican city and the centre of our Lord's universe. Here I struck up a life long friendship with a kindred spirit (then) Pope John Paul. We had some wild and happy times back then. Like the time we closed the Vatican to tourists for "essential maintenance" and rigged up a massive Scalextric set. Or during the 1990 World Cup when we binged on so much Holy Wine that we had to serve Ribena at mass the following day. I miss my friend John Paul II. Even in his final years with all his faculties beginning to fail he'd still manage to convince some of the nuns to play strip poker with him and he'd still make us all laugh by turning out his pockets, unzipping his flies and in this manner doing an impression of an elephant! What wit! What joi de vivre!
I left Rome in 2000. A new millenium seemed a good time to begin a new challenge and enter a new period in my life. Besides i'd racked up a lot of parking fines in Italy. Back in my native England i began work with the disadvantaged and fallen women that haunt London's Kings Cross district. Principally i provide counsel to these young ladies, I listen to their problems and bring Jesus into their lives. I find my job hugely rewarding spiritually and often physically. I intend to finish up my days in this parish, working with these ladies, under the eyes of my GOD doing HIS work! AMENFrom sinner to servant of God:
1957-67: small child
1967-1973: self abuse, over zealous games of kiss chase
1973: succesful fornication
1974-1976: fornication, pornography, some drugs, a small incident dealt with by the police for which i apologised at the time and is probably best forgotten.
1977: REPENTANCE! AMEN!
1977-1988: The Church of England. (quite boring really)
1988: CONVERSION TO CATHOLICISM!
1988-2000: The roman years
2000-Date: saving the 'fallen' ladies of Kings Cross, London
