About Me
Hi. My name is Lee Cooper, and my stage name is Lee Cooper. My friends call me Lee, and some girls call me ass. I figure it's an abbreviation of "Ay, super sexy!". Some people call me "that crazy guy that robbed Wall-Mart again", but those people are usually police. I don't care what you call me, just don't call me late for supper. I write for a living, and you may have seen my work on several Geico commercials starring Jason Campbell and Justin Howdyshell. My penis is so large, that one morning I used it as a ladder so that I could climb up and see what the rest of the family was doing. My balls are the size of lemons, and contain more semen than a Naval Submarine. I am the creator of Lifeology (c) and the lead writer for "Allansville 911". I am currently recording my third album, first studio album, and second mixtape. Once when I was younger my mom forgot to cook dinner, so I killed her. Since then, I've been through 12 mothers, 4 fathers 3 sisters and 342 uncles. To date, I have received 8 marriage proposals. I agreed to 3 of them in exchange for money. I've bought a PlayStation 3, flat screen TV and EnV Touch, and am still single. If you dislike my attitude, or think that I'm an asshole, you are correct. I am the best person to have ever walked this earth. I am Godly. I am Alpha, Omega, and every other Latin numeral. I am so awesome, that when a child in Indonesia eats corn on the cob, a child in Afghanistan shits corn for 40 days and 40 nights. When Moses parted the sea, I provided the celestial navigation. I am the best thing that ever happened to anything ever. I am so awesome, that when I take a shit the toilet refuses to flush it down, instead it collects them. Evidently my shit (in Japan) is a trading turd game. But what did you expect, those Japanese people are weird. Two Girls 1 Cup is like foreplay. Anyway, back to how amazing I am. I'm so awesome, I radiate pictures of Miley Cyrus nude, and lay eggs that contain bottles of Smirnoff. I sweat Mountain Dew, and am the only person in history to take a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris and live to tell it. I am the epitome of perfection. A single falcon punch from me can destroy an entire city (See New Orleans). I am god, without the publicity. Jesus walks on water, I drink it. Who wins? I do. I am cool, so cool that when I take a shit, the corn recreates a cob and hops on to the plate of a small child in Indonesia. I later watch the child eating the corn on my satellite world camera system. yes, I watch you and your wife showering. Nice ass. (You, not her).
